Is My Mom Losing Hope?

[wadesgirl]

Well she was doing good enough that they moved her to the rehab floor last Friday. But then something changed. The doctor thinks that she had a set back in her brain injury. I think she has withdrawn because she doesn't want any of this! She won't talk to us any more, won't move her head or hands or wiggle her toes. She won't even look at us when we are there. She's not responding to her therapy and won't eat as much any more (they do still have a feeding tube in though but had begun eating pureed foods last week). We made the tough decision last night to move her out of the hospital and into hospice. The doctor had told us that his outcome for her had changed from being mostly independent to probably spending the rest of her life in a wheel chair. Mom would never want that! I didn't sleep very well last night and now I'm heading back up to the hospital again today. I really just want to sit here and cry. I'm trying to not be so hard on myself but I keep having this little nagging feeling inside of me that maybe if I had acted sooner or hadn't left her that day. I know I shouldn't feel this way and up until now I didn't really think about it. But it was all I could think about last night. Just keeping praying for my mom and our family!!

 

[pamperedlinda]

I'm praying for you! This reminds me so much of what I went through with my dad and I know what you and your family are going through. {{{{HUGS}}}}

 

[Karen]

As with Linda, I also know what you are going through, having just gone through it with my mom in May. You can't beat yourself up, you need to stay healthy for YOU right now!

God has a plan, eventhough his plan doesn't always follow what we want the plans to be. I also struggled with this (and still am struggling) becuase I am a planner and control freak! :blushing: When something doesn't go the way I think it should and there's nothing that I can do to change the outcome (such as the passing of my mom), it makes me crazy!!! I have learned that I need to let go to some things and let nature take its course.

Hang in there, let the tears flow when they need to, and know that you are in everyone's prayers. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[tiggerhale]

Peaceful prayers for you and your family...

 

[smart2cook]

Another one who has been there too! Karen and Linda are correct, and we do go through a "what if " stage. Please know that it truly is in God's hands as Karen stated and may peace be with you and your family. Hugs to you and prayers for you all.

 

[wadesgirl]

They are moving her tomorrow morning and are stopping her feeding tube today. They are giving her 5-10 days. Just the little things keep making me cry. Next month is my 30th birthday and I know she was excited for that. She always called at 5:30 am on my birthday as that was the time I was born. Even my sister said today that she just wishes mom would call and annoy us one more time

 

[Gina M]

I'm so sorry for your pain. I'll pray for you and your family through this difficult time and that you may find some peace for your mom and yourself.

 

[Karen]

They are moving her tomorrow morning and are stopping her feeding tube today. They are giving her 5-10 days. Just the little things keep making me cry. Next month is my 30th birthday and I know she was excited for that. She always called at 5:30 am on my birthday as that was the time I was born. Even my sister said today that she just wishes mom would call and annoy us one more time

{{BIG HUGS}} to you! When my mom went in the hospital this year...it was on my birthday! We had plans to go to my favorite restaurant for dinner (that was all that I told my parents I wanted) and the last time we had been there was for their wedding anniversary this past October.

Needless to say, birthdays won't be the same for a while, and though my husband and I have been to the restaurant once since she has been gone that just wasn't the same either.

We are all keeping you in our prayes.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Praying for you and your family , Allison. I'm so sorry you all are going through this.

 

[smart2cook]

I will continue to pray for you all to find peace. For me, it helped me to know that the patient was getting what "they" wanted and wouldn't be suffering anymore. On the flip side, yes, I would miss her terribly but I made sure that I took advantage of every moment I had left with her to tell her how much everything I could get in and remember meant to me. In my heart, I felt that this helped both of us in that she knew how much those things meant to me and I got the opportunity to tell her. Big huge hugs to you!!!
Blessings to you and your family.

 

[darlinclem]

Prayers to you Allison! You are making a choice that you know she would want so don't beat yourself up over it. It was HER choices that got her to this point. You are NOT to blame. {{{HUGS!}}} May peace surround you and yours.

 

[Sheila]

Big (((hugs))) Sweetie! As hard as it might be to want to "Monday Morning Quarterback" and re-think all the "what if" scenarios, it's not beneficial. Now's the time to re-direct and focus on the present & the future. You can't change the past. If you think that she's being stubborn, talk to her. She just might listen. As hard as it is, you may have to accept the fact that she's exhausted and doesn't want to fight anymore. In 1994, my Dad was shot in what appeared to be an attempted Car Jacking. He received a gunshot wound to the neck, severing his spinal cord. He overheard the Paramedic in the back of the Ambulance tell the driver to request a closer hospital from BIOTEL (the governing agency over where ambulances go here in Dallas) because the patient wouldn't make it to the original assigned hospital. My Dad told us later that the statement made him mad & he was DETERMINED to prove the guy wrong. He did! He was paralyzed from the neck down (C5 Quad) for several years. The life span we were given was around 10 years. He was 3 months shy of the 11 year mark when he finally passed away. He had a heart attack, a quadruple heart bypass & never came out of ICU or off the vent. After 2+ months of fighting, he was tired. I finally told him that I loved him & would love to have him around for MANY years to come but also added: "If you are tired of fighting, it's okay to let go." It was the hardest thing I've ever done, but I was at peace with the thought. Apparently he needed to hear that. He passed away that same day.My Grandmother (who was in the late stages of Alzheimer's) had been in a hospital on a feeding tube for a while when she pulled it out. The nurse called her name, told her she was going to re-insert the tube & said my Grandmother who had not been alert for some time ... opened her eyes, looked at the nurse with a stern "OH NO YOU WON'T" look, took a deep breath & never exhaled. The nurse said she had never seen anyone will themselves to pass like my Grandmother did that day. Enough was enough and she was done with the fight.I really do think that we can choose if we are going to fight & overcome adversities or if we are done fighting and are ready to let go. If your Mom is in there listening, I think it will benefit you both if you tell her how you feel. Let her know that you love her, that you don't want to see her go, that you can't imagine life without her and that you would love to see her fight & learn to eat again. And hopefully walk & talk again. But you might want to also let her know that if she's too tired to keep fighting that you love her & understand. She might need to know how much you need her. Or she might be stubborn enough to fight and start her recovery path just to show you up. But if she's ready to go, at least you'll be sending her with the peace of knowing that you'll miss her ... but that you are a survivor. More (((HUGS)))! You are in a tough spot and I'm so sorry that you and your Mom are being faced with these adversities.

 

[smart2cook]

Sheila did an excellent job of expressing exactly what we did too! Almost verbatim.
Now, one family member was "shocked" that I would give my loved one permission to go if she felt she needed to but that we all just wanted her to be with us because we loved her so much and were being selfish. Ditto on the Alzheimer's issue on the two years on a feeding tube though my mother in-law suffered a great deal and that wasn't what she wanted. We did not have the say over that situation. I have a very deep Faith which helped tremendously. I prayed a great deal and cried too. Hugs to you! You are in my prayers.

 

[Bren706]

My thoughts are with you and your family through this difficult time, Allison! ((HUGS))

 

[carlajanes]

big hug allison!!! i understand so well what you are going thru. my father passed away this past september. he had congestive heart failure and cancer. he went in the hospital on the 20th and passed away a week later. my daughters and granddaughters were traveling by car from pennsylvania to north dakota to visit him one last time. i know he was trying to wait for them. he loved those "babies" so very much!!! he was in soooo much pain and wasn't conscious most of the time....when he was "awake" he was fighting in Korea again. it was so hard to see him like that. i whispered to him....daddy i know you are waiting for the babies to get here but if you need to go...it's ok....i love you and they love you so very much!!"
he passed away less than an hour later. it was THE hardest thing i ever had to do.
my heart breaks for you!!! but DO talk with her....whether she responds or not you will cherish it forever.
many prayers for you and your mom and your family!!
love,
carla

 

[wadesgirl]

Thank you to everybody for all the prayers over the last month! Mom passed away this afternoon. She went very peacefully, I was the only one with her at the time.

 

[esavvymom]

Thank you to everybody for all the prayers over the last month! Mom passed away this afternoon. She went very peacefully, I was the only one with her at the time.

Allison...my heart breaks for you and my tears fall for you as well. I hope you also found some peace with your mom before she left.

*HUGS!!**

 

[Teresa LM]

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss. I'm glad that you could be with her. That had to be a comfort to both of you.

 

[Brenda.the.chef]

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. Lifting you and your family in prayer.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I'm so sorry Allison. I will be praying for you and your family as you walk through these next days. Prayers for peace, and comfort, and strength.

 

[Jennie4PC]

So sorry to hear about your mom. Prayers coming your way

 

[Gina M]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your mom. May you find some peace and comfort in these very sad days to come. Thinking of and praying for you and your family.

 

[raebates]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[chefa]

Allison,

I'm so very, very sorry to hear of your loss. It's not easy to lose a parent. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you move thru the next week and beyond. Sending prayers for strength and comfort. God Bless.

 

[carlajanes]

oh allison i am so very sorry! prayers to you and your family!!!! may God wrap you in His loving arms and give you the peace and comfort only He can give.....
love,
carla

 

[smart2cook]

I am so sorry. Prayers continuing for you and your family.

 

[Knordot]

So sorry to hear about your mom.

{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}

 

[tiggerhale]

Peace be with you and your family. BIG HUGS!

 

[Sheila]

I just saw your update. I'm so sorry for you loss.

 

[ilovpc]

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

[mountainmama74]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[heather223]

Allison, I am so sorry for your loss. Thoughts of peace and strength for you!

 

[legacypc46]

((((hugs)))) to you Alison.

leggy