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Rant Is it okay for grandparents to tell kids the truth about Santa?

In summary, Becky's In-Laws took liberties with their 5 year old son by having a discussion about Santa not being real. Becky feels angry and betrayed by her MIL and would not be able to let it go. Her DH grew up without any traditions around Christmas and he wants to provide the same excitement and fun for their son that Becky and her parents provided for her. Becky's minister addressed the controversy around Santa being real and religious people should respect American traditions like Santa.
  • #51
Obviously I'm way in the minority here, but if you want a semi-decent relationship with your in-laws, forgiveness will get you a lot further than anger and resentment.

I realize this is very important to you, but the sooner you can let it go, the better off you'll be.

I guess I've realized over the years that holding on to anger eats us up inside, and letting that anger out on someone else doesn't usually make a situation any better...

Just my thoughts on this! :)
 
  • #52
This infuriated me just reading it. I can only imagine how you feel. God bless you for keeping your mouth shut, b/c I don't think I could have.
I think you covered it well w/ your son.
 
  • #53
It just occurred to me that The Autobiography of Santa Claus might help you out in another way with Micah. When they get to the part where Santa joins the pilgrims on their trek to America, they talk about the fact that the Puritans outlawed Christmas. They talk about the fact that it's fine for them to want to worship God in their own way, but it's wrong of them to force everyone else to do exactly the same.
 
  • #54
Go to a thrift store or garage sales (alone) find something made of old worn red velvet (or something with ratty white fake fur) take it home and rip it into a small piece. Christmas morning hook it on the inside of the fireplace or the screen.
It will look like santa ripped his britches believe me this works our MS was told the same thing by a classmate in 1st grade he is 19 and still believes.
 
  • #55
ChefBeckyD said:
I guess that's why I vent on here, because I can't vent to her....but in all of this, I know my Mom would choose kindness and forgiveness. She is also one of the most forgiving people I've ever known. People (even still today, in the nursing home!) have always been drawn to her because she makes them feel so loved.
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I think I can speak for everyone when I say that we could never fill your Mom's shoes, but we are happy to try and help. You will get pas this, but you need to greive for what your child has lost. And, I love Teresa's idea.

I like telling you child that GM isn't real. Or you can say that youhaven't seen GM's real hair color in years, but you know its still there. I know, I'm being catty. Just trying to relate to things you don't see, but you know they exist. (like a million dollars)
 
  • #56
Becky, just wanted to let you know that I, too, feel your pain. Last October, I came home from a show and Michael, then six, came up to me and said, "I know Santa's not real." I said, "How do you know that?" The answer? "DADDY TOLD ME!" They were watching a show about the tooth fairy, and Michael asked if she was real, and his dad said, "No, and Santa's not real either." WTF????

He decided that he didn't want to lie to our kids, even though WE decided earlier on that we would play it out and when the kids asked, we would tell them the truth (gently, of course, and still play up the magic, etc.).

Thankfully, Michael wanted to believe, and actually forgot the incident. He doesn't believe in the Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy, but Santa still ranks high on his list of favorite friends.
 
  • #57
cheflorraine said:
Obviously I'm way in the minority here, but if you want a semi-decent relationship with your in-laws, forgiveness will get you a lot further than anger and resentment.

I realize this is very important to you, but the sooner you can let it go, the better off you'll be.

I guess I've realized over the years that holding on to anger eats us up inside, and letting that anger out on someone else doesn't usually make a situation any better...

Just my thoughts on this! :)
Click to expand...


Tone is so hard to convey through the computer, but I am not trying to be catty here at all.
If you know Becky's posts on here, then you know what a wonderful person she is and has very high moral values and seems to be a completely forgiving person.
It is our human nature that when we get upset about something, that we need a way to let it out. She cannot discuss it with her in laws, and sometimes you don't want to vent about something to people who are close to the situation. Which is why she has us here, she can get it out, get some moral support and then let it go. It's the nature of being a human, we are not perfect.
For me personally, just knowing that someone else experiences similar feelings to me really helps me get past my emotions at the time, so I can get to a place where forgiveness is an option!!!
 
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  • #58
pampcheflisa said:
Tone is so hard to convey through the computer, but I am not trying to be catty here at all.
If you know Becky's posts on here, then you know what a wonderful person she is and has very high moral values and seems to be a completely forgiving person.
It is our human nature that when we get upset about something, that we need a way to let it out. She cannot discuss it with her in laws, and sometimes you don't want to vent about something to people who are close to the situation. Which is why she has us here, she can get it out, get some moral support and then let it go. It's the nature of being a human, we are not perfect.
For me personally, just knowing that someone else experiences similar feelings to me really helps me get past my emotions at the time, so I can get to a place where forgiveness is an option!!!
Click to expand...


Thanks, Lisa! (completely forgiving...hmmm, lets just say I seem to have been given lots of opportunities to learn forgiveness!)

You're right...in fact, I think I even said in several posts that what I wanted was to get to a place of forgiveness and grace in this situation.

I rarely feel the need to vent - this one was just hard for me. I'm doing much better now, and I really appreciate all of the support, friendship, and encouragement from all of my CS friends! :love:
 
  • #59
Sometimes just the act of venting is all that is needed. And what a blessing that we have all found a fairly harmless place to do it here!!!
 
  • #60
pjpamchef said:
sometimes just the act of venting is all that is needed. And what a blessing that we have all found a fairly harmless place to do it here!!!
Click to expand...

you are so right!!!
 
  • #61
I loved reading this thread. Such wonderful and loving advice from everyone - and some funny, like Jean's.

I have nothing to add which hasn't already been said, so, really, I'm just stalking through. :p:p:love:
 
  • #62
Stalk on, Sarah!
 
  • #63
Perhaps talk to your MIL about what you want her to say? I see that your son initiatied the conversation. That can be a very difficult situation when an adult doesn't want to tell the child something the adult believes to be a lie.

Did your in-laws know you were playing Santa with the children? if they didn't do it with their kids, is it possible it didn't occur to her to do any different?
 
  • #64
Becky: rant away!!!! That's whats so good about these forums.

On a side note I have to share that my 13 yr old nephew still claimed to believe in Santa and my sister was not going to share that Santa was her and dad because that would mean her baby was growing up. WTH?? LOL My niece was 17 was getting concerned that little brother would share at school that he still believed and being the sweet innocent boy that he is was gonna be made fun of. This caused quite the discussion at grandma's house as we did not want to cross my sister, yet were concerned about the ramifications at school. Long story short, I made the decision to have an "innocent" conversation with my nephew about Santa to get a better feel He did break down and swear me to secrecy that he "KNEW" who Santa really was (mom and dad) but enjoyed the Santa presents he was going to believe for as long as he could. He even convinced one of his buddies to start believing again. LOL
 
  • #65
Aunticooks said:
Becky: rant away!!!! That's whats so good about these forums.

On a side note I have to share that my 13 yr old nephew still claimed to believe in Santa and my sister was not going to share that Santa was her and dad because that would mean her baby was growing up. WTH?? LOL My niece was 17 was getting concerned that little brother would share at school that he still believed and being the sweet innocent boy that he is was gonna be made fun of. This caused quite the discussion at grandma's house as we did not want to cross my sister, yet were concerned about the ramifications at school. Long story short, I made the decision to have an "innocent" conversation with my nephew about Santa to get a better feel He did break down and swear me to secrecy that he "KNEW" who Santa really was (mom and dad) but enjoyed the Santa presents he was going to believe for as long as he could. He even convinced one of his buddies to start believing again. LOL
Click to expand...

Your nephew sounds just like my sons! We believe so they believe. It is so much fun!
 
  • #66
I just saw this thread and OMG ... you have every right to be ticked!I told my friend about it, who was confused until I pointed out that it was NOT the kid's parents who said that ... and it would be just like if he told that to his niece.
 
  • Thread starter
  • #67
Just a quick update!

The Little Guy is firmly in the Santa camp again. Tonight, we finished his letter to Santa, and sent it off via e-mail (thanks to Northpole.com).

We also got a GREAT deal on a set of outdoor lights that look like blinking runway lights in green and red...and they came with a large sign that says "Santa Land Here". Since we don't have a fireplace chimney, we thought that it would be good to put these up along our walkway, so that Santa can make it to the front door. He is really excited about these, because "now he knows where to put the reindeer snack".
He also bought a bag of dark chocolate M&M's, and gave me instructions to hide them, because they are for Santa, and he doesn't want his Dad to find them and eat them... :D

We also watched ELF Friday night, and The Polar Express this afternoon.

This week, we are going to be reading the Autobiography of Santa. Also, we will be reading One Wintry Night by Ruth Bell Graham.

DH talked to his Dad on the phone this evening, and told him about our Santa Runway Lights, and that Micah was finishing his letter to Santa tonight....so they know that we have been proactive in combating their negativity.

Our little guy gets to be a little guy again this year.
 
  • #68
Good for you, Becky! Let me know what you think of The Autobiography of Santa Claus.
 
  • #69
I'm so happy to hear that!
 
  • #70
MY kids are older ... so they know..
BUT I tell them in order to receive they MUST believe!!!

It still makes it fun!
 
  • #71
Becky and anyone else. I live in North Pole and there is a family business that sends out personalized Santa letters for about $10 - you can choose what the letter says and they have more deluxe versions. It gets post marked North Pole, AK If you are interested the website is Santa's Letters and Gifts, "Personalized Letters from Santa & Gifts" from North Pole, Alaska. She does all the craft shows here in town.
I didn't read all the posts just the last few or so, so if this was discussed or mentioned already, sorry in advance.
Mara
 
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  • #72
Maragib said:
Becky and anyone else. I live in North Pole and there is a family business that sends out personalized Santa letters for about $10 - you can choose what the letter says and they have more deluxe versions. It gets post marked North Pole, AK If you are interested the website is Santa's Letters and Gifts, "Personalized Letters from Santa & Gifts" from North Pole, Alaska. She does all the craft shows here in town.
I didn't read all the posts just the last few or so, so if this was discussed or mentioned already, sorry in advance.
Mara
Click to expand...

Thanks Mara! That's a great site!

Wow - you live in North Pole? Are you an Elf?:D (I know, don't shoot me - you probably get asked that question all the time!) However, I know that if my little guy read that you lived there, that would be the first question he would ask too...:rolleyes:
 
  • #73
No shooting, I promise. It actually doesn't bother me anymore, it did so more as a kid. Most asked question is do I see santa - followed by do I live in an Igloo. And yes, it is Christmas year round in North Pole. Christmas trees, candy canes - even McDonalds and Wendys is decorated like that. And of course the Santa Claus house and his reindeer.

So no I am not an elf, but wouldn't mind if Will Ferrel were my neighbor, I love that movie.
 
  • #74
I definately would have been ticked. My MIL and I don't really like each other so much anyway, so it would not be a good thing.
Actually, makes me glad we moved almost 5000 miles away when we moved to Alaska LOL. Life has been much more peaceful :)
 
  • #75
Jean DeVries said:
If you want, when I come over tonight to pick up the forms, I can tell him his grandma isn't real.

:D
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I had not read this thread until now and laughed at Jean's post!! In fact I was wondering if you might want to get your MIL the audio of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"!!! :D

I think you have handled this all with a great deal of respect. Something I think your MIL has not shown back. I can see it slipping once, but for her to say what she did, then continue to repeat it, almost seems mean. I agree with KG about giving her some coal, but I think she may need more than a lump or two in her stocking....an entire coal mine seems more fitting!!!:rolleyes:

So glad to hear that the Micah is enjoying Christmas. We too were raised with great Christian traditions with our faith. It was my favorite time of year to go to church...so much better than Lent. The hymns and songs :sing:eek:f Christmas make me tear up in church. There was room for Santa to share in the fun of Christmas too!!

Memories of turning off all of the lights except the Christmas tree lights watching Charlie Brown Christmas and The Grinch are my all time favorite memories. On Christmas morning....the LONG agonizing wait for my father to get home from the morning milking of cows...I swear he took the LONGEST time to clean up, eat breakfast....GAK!!! We were jumping out of our skins by the time he was done. (In reality, it was probably all of 9 am!!!) Then time with family at my Grandparents' houses.

Congratulations on wanting Micah to have wonderful memories of Christmas for him to think back on. When my son was little, I took him Caroling which his school sponsered every year.

One of my new favorite sayings is..."God gave us friends to make up for family." This seems an appropreate time to use this saying!!!
 
  • #76
Thought of this thread when I saw the sign available for purchase in "Terry's Village"...."When you don't believe in Santa...you get underwear"!

Perhaps a large pair of bloomers are in order this year as a gift?:D
 
  • Thread starter
  • #77
baychef said:
Thought of this thread when I saw the sign available for purchase in "Terry's Village"...."When you don't believe in Santa...you get underwear"!

Perhaps a large pair of bloomers are in order this year as a gift?:D
Click to expand...

LOL! Love it, Ann - that's just perfect!:D:thumbup:

Actually, this year, they instituted a "no gifts" rule. No one is allowed to buy them gifts, although Micah has already purchased something small for them. Because in the Spirit of Christmas, we are teaching him that it's better to give than to receive. (Isn't that how Santa feels too? ;))
 
  • #78
baychef said:
I had not read this thread until now and laughed at Jean's post!! In fact I was wondering if you might want to get your MIL the audio of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer"!!! :D

I think you have handled this all with a great deal of respect. Something I think your MIL has not shown back. I can see it slipping once, but for her to say what she did, then continue to repeat it, almost seems mean. I agree with KG about giving her some coal, but I think she may need more than a lump or two in her stocking....an entire coal mine seems more fitting!!!:rolleyes:

So glad to hear that the Micah is enjoying Christmas. We too were raised with great Christian traditions with our faith. It was my favorite time of year to go to church...so much better than Lent. The hymns and songs :sing:eek:f Christmas make me tear up in church. There was room for Santa to share in the fun of Christmas too!!

Memories of turning off all of the lights except the Christmas tree lights watching Charlie Brown Christmas and The Grinch are my all time favorite memories. On Christmas morning....the LONG agonizing wait for my father to get home from the morning milking of cows...I swear he took the LONGEST time to clean up, eat breakfast....GAK!!! We were jumping out of our skins by the time he was done. (In reality, it was probably all of 9 am!!!) Then time with family at my Grandparents' houses.

Congratulations on wanting Micah to have wonderful memories of Christmas for him to think back on. When my son was little, I took him Caroling which his school sponsered every year.

One of my new favorite sayings is..."God gave us friends to make up for family." This seems an appropreate time to use this saying!!!
Click to expand...

My favorite love of Christmas is when you turn off all the lights but the tree! And just the glow of the tree in the dark! My host last night had her living room like this when I walked in and I pratically melted at the sight (we don't put up a tree, long story).
 
  • #79
Maragib said:
No shooting, I promise. It actually doesn't bother me anymore, it did so more as a kid. Most asked question is do I see santa - followed by do I live in an Igloo. And yes, it is Christmas year round in North Pole. Christmas trees, candy canes - even McDonalds and Wendys is decorated like that. And of course the Santa Claus house and his reindeer.

So no I am not an elf, but wouldn't mind if Will Ferrel were my neighbor, I love that movie.
Click to expand...

John Travolta got it right in Look Who's Talking Now: Santa doesn't live at the North Pole. He lives in Finland!

Santa Claus Shop - Greeting Letters and Presents from Arctic Circle, Finland
 
  • #81
I just clicked on the site and clicked order now. I can't tell for sure, but I bet it would get here in time. It's only a hunch, however.
 
<h2>1. "Is it okay for grandparents to tell kids the truth about Santa?"</h2><p>This is a common question that many parents face during the holiday season. The answer really depends on your family's beliefs and traditions. Some families choose to tell their children the truth about Santa from the beginning, while others enjoy the magic and excitement of Santa and choose to let their children believe for as long as possible.</p><h2>2. "What do I do if my child's grandparents tell them that Santa isn't real?"</h2><p>It can be frustrating and upsetting when someone else, especially a grandparent, tells your child that Santa isn't real. The best thing to do in this situation is to calmly explain to your child that everyone has different beliefs and in your family, you choose to believe in Santa. You can also have a talk with the grandparent about respecting your family's traditions and beliefs.</p><h2>3. "How can I prevent my child's grandparents from ruining our Christmas traditions?"</h2><p>Communication is key in this situation. Make sure to have open and honest conversations with your child's grandparents about your family's traditions and beliefs. It's important to set boundaries and express how important these traditions are to your family. You can also involve them in the traditions and make them feel included, which may prevent them from trying to change or ruin them.</p><h2>4. "What can I do if my child's grandparents don't respect our family's beliefs and traditions?"</h2><p>If your child's grandparents continue to disrespect your family's beliefs and traditions, it may be necessary to have a serious conversation with them or limit their involvement in your family's holiday celebrations. It's important for your child to feel safe and secure in their beliefs, and you have the right to protect that.</p><h2>5. "How can I handle my own emotions when my child's grandparents try to change our holiday traditions?"</h2><p>It can be difficult to control our emotions when someone tries to change or ruin something that is important to us. It's important to take a step back and try to understand where the grandparent is coming from. It may also be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings. Remember to take a deep breath and focus on the joy and magic of the holiday season for your child.</p>

Related to Is it okay for grandparents to tell kids the truth about Santa?

1. "Is it okay for grandparents to tell kids the truth about Santa?"

This is a common question that many parents face during the holiday season. The answer really depends on your family's beliefs and traditions. Some families choose to tell their children the truth about Santa from the beginning, while others enjoy the magic and excitement of Santa and choose to let their children believe for as long as possible.

2. "What do I do if my child's grandparents tell them that Santa isn't real?"

It can be frustrating and upsetting when someone else, especially a grandparent, tells your child that Santa isn't real. The best thing to do in this situation is to calmly explain to your child that everyone has different beliefs and in your family, you choose to believe in Santa. You can also have a talk with the grandparent about respecting your family's traditions and beliefs.

3. "How can I prevent my child's grandparents from ruining our Christmas traditions?"

Communication is key in this situation. Make sure to have open and honest conversations with your child's grandparents about your family's traditions and beliefs. It's important to set boundaries and express how important these traditions are to your family. You can also involve them in the traditions and make them feel included, which may prevent them from trying to change or ruin them.

4. "What can I do if my child's grandparents don't respect our family's beliefs and traditions?"

If your child's grandparents continue to disrespect your family's beliefs and traditions, it may be necessary to have a serious conversation with them or limit their involvement in your family's holiday celebrations. It's important for your child to feel safe and secure in their beliefs, and you have the right to protect that.

5. "How can I handle my own emotions when my child's grandparents try to change our holiday traditions?"

It can be difficult to control our emotions when someone tries to change or ruin something that is important to us. It's important to take a step back and try to understand where the grandparent is coming from. It may also be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or family member about your feelings. Remember to take a deep breath and focus on the joy and magic of the holiday season for your child.

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