How can I politely ask my in-laws to stop buying me unwanted home decor gifts?

[dannyzmom]

Although, I gotta admit... I kinda like the door. Maybe it would be different if I was also receiving penis gourds... then I'd probably hate everything they brought home, but as an "outsider", I think the door is kinda neat.

That's the thing...the QUANTITY of ethnic crap against my will and with no regard to my thoughts or feelings has me so soured on ALL of it that when ONE piece that isn't COMPLETELY horrid comes thru, I can't stand it because I am already so overwhelmed with the all the rest of the ethnic crap. Anything in moderation is ok...but too much of anything is not a good thing, kwim?

 

[dannyzmom]

This would be one time I would ENCOURAGE the kids to play football in the house... "Oops... the DSs knocked the _____ off the wall and it broke."

LOL - I would hate for him to be angry at my kids for something they didn't do though. That, and we recently went thru a while "lying" thing with my boys and they are now completely truthful ALL the time...to the point of not-so-good.
EX:
Me: Hey Sam, ya like Mommy's new haircut?
Sam: No - it's ugly.
Me: Ouch! Can't you just be polite and pretend to like it?
Sam: No, Mommy...that's be lying and lying is bad.
LOL

 

[dannyzmom]

I had another thought. Do you ever think that the people who make this stuff sit back and bet with each other who can make the most hideous stuff and who can convince tourist to buy more of it? LMAO

Yes, I do - LOL

And one more thing....these are your kids from your previous marriage, right? Do the in-laws have any ill feelings towards them? Do they buy this stuff for the other grandchildren too?

These are my kids - his step-kids. I think the inlaws like them. They have 2 othe rgrandsons and every gift they bring home for my kids, they bring home 2 more for the other grandsons...the difference is, my SIL actually LIKES all this stuff...

 

[dannyzmom]

hang the door under the bar, then buy bar stools to hide it!

Yes, and then let the kids KICK it when they're sitting at the counter!!!

 

[katie0128]

LOL - I would hate for him to be angry at my kids for something they didn't do though. That, and we recently went thru a while "lying" thing with my boys and they are now completely truthful ALL the time...to the point of not-so-good.
EX:
Me: Hey Sam, ya like Mommy's new haircut?
Sam: No - it's ugly.
Me: Ouch! Can't you just be polite and pretend to like it?
Sam: No, Mommy...that's be lying and lying is bad.
LOL

Don't ya hate it when kids actually DO pay attention and do what they are told????

And I completely understand your post above... the door by itself might be nice, but when you look at everything that has been purchased and the total disregard for your feelings or wishes for your own home... yep, I'd hate it as well.

 

[pamperedlinda]

Yes, and then let the kids KICK it when they're sitting at the counter!!!

well, it would help protect the paint......

 

[sarahlegare]

Yikes!!!!!This thread is hilarious!!! I'm sorry Carolyn~I don't mean to be mean, but my in~laws are AWESOME!!!! They just helped us redo our kitchen, by buying a HUGE GC to Lowe's (where I picked out all our new stuff!!) We'll go antiquing & if there's something I really like, she buys it for me for the next birthday/christmas.....whatever! These are also the amazing people who are watching my 3 kids, ages 6,4,&almost 2, in June for 8 days so we can go to UTAH & see his brothers!!

OK~so everything is "breathtaking".................quickly followed by a YIKES!!!! It does look like really expensive stuff, so surely they really love you guys and are trying to show it!! I think I would, softly, let them know you're going to be redecorating & that, as much as you appreciate all they've given you, it just won't work with the look you're trying to achieve....then quickly proceed to ask them if they'd like some of the items to display in their home, or if you can donate/auction, whatever, for a good cause??!! You know these artifacts are so valuable, blah, blah, blah..........THEN, show them the "new theme" you'll be going with.....so they'll know whatever they're planning on bringing home next time won't work (although you said how your kids rooms are decorated, and those bookends wouldn't exactly "fit"!)

Oh yeah, I really like the door!! It would make a really cute headboard!! We're looking for something long & skinny for above our bed, and believe it or not, I'm thinking of hanging an old door, the long way.....our house is the Primitive/Country style...it's a 175 year old farmhouse, with hardwood floors, large trimboard pieces.........so it would really look cute!!

Whatever you do~GOOD LUCK and let us know how it goes!!!!!

 

[mommyhugz1978]

Here is a thought when you know your In laws are coming why don't you hang the stuff up and when they leave take it down and put your stuff back up... But then that would be a pain in the A$% !! What a nightmare Caroline sorry I am not much help!

 

[chefshawna]

Well, I haven't been married very long at all, but I guess I'm lucky b/c my husband really could care less!! LOL He goes along with whatever I say about decor, luckily he does like what I like and if he doesn't he gets over it!! He takes the garage and outside, the rest is my domain.
As for my in-laws, they are very good and buy stuff for us all the time, but fortunately they ask us what we need/want first. My kids would go naked if it weren't for our parents!!!
I understand where your coming from though, you are in a very tough situation. On one hand you can take a stand and upset your DH and his family or you could just let it go and be forced to live in a house that slowly becomes more of a punishment than a retreat. I hope you can come to an agreement that both of you are happy with. Maybe tell him that a couple tasteful items could be displayed, but nothing with phallic symbols, live bugs or UGLY brightly colored items. Also suggest that the inlaws start donating items to charity or an art museum to help others learn about other cultures, I'm sure that there are many museums that would love that stuff.

 

[lockhartkitchen]

decorating

I would just stick all their stuff in a box put it in the basement and tell them you're redecorating and has much as you like all the "ethnic motiff" you're re-decorating with a different theme. Tell them you've started collecting thimbles. Hey they are small and you can easily "display" them without them taking up any space!

Had to laugh at this this one! thanks for the laugh. My MIL buys things for my daughter's room and hangs them up without asking. (All goodwill things that were there for a reason). Now I like goodwill, but only when I need somethng.) She came home with a bedspread one day. She uses push pins and no pun intended, "looks tacky". I just slowing kept pulling things down. My daughter didn't want them either. I started donating to goodwill. Oops, one day, my husband hadn't taken things yet and they were in sight of MIL when she visited unexpected. She didn't say anything, but I did see her put one of cookbooks she gave me in her bag. After 6 years, not ever using the bbq book, I decided to donate.

 

[chefsteph07]

Carolyn, do your inlaws have the same things hanging in their house as well?
I would tell them that you are going to be redecorating and since you don't want to throw their stuff out (or have time for a yard sale I would also say), ask them if they want it back...maybe they want to store it or hang it or whatever...if they say they don't want it, then you have no guilt in doing whatever you want with it...

If you aren't in the mood to redecorate right away, when they come over and ask, tell them you are still figuring out color schemes! LOL

Really, it IS your home and you should have it the way you want.

My MIL is a pack rat..she brings stuff over from HER house to mine(decluttering I guess!), will buy things at garage sales and bring me big bags of junk, etc. One time she brought over a bath mat set, it was pink, with a pink seatcover (our toilet seat is shell shaped and no seatcover will fit on it), not to mention my bathroom is PURPLE, and I flat out told her that I had no use for it and if she gave it to me it was going to end up in the garbage...she did leave it and I threw it away..I did ask some of my friends if they wanted a pink bathset, but no takers, so I don't feel guilty at all! I don't have room for extra junk!

But since it is bothering you so much, the time has come for you to tell them.
And those bookends? They would end up in my firepit asap! Throw those tings out!

 

[KateD]

If I was a kid, those bookends would give me nightmares! Especially if they were jarringly out of step with the room decor (since they would be more noticeable, not because I am OCD or anything)(I mean, I might be a little anal-retentive, but that wouldn't be the reason they were giving me nightmares!)(well, not the ONLY or PRIMARY reason - those things are just scary, y'all!)

 

[wadesgirl]

My step mom is the same way. She would buy Christmas presents for all of us and the grandkids but never anything you wanted. Even if you gave her a list, she would find stuff back in July on clearance and buy it figuring that someone could use it! This went on for a couple years, you don't even know how many presents were regifted, donated or just thrown away. My brother made a joke one year about a purple vaccum cleaner in the newspaper (why would anyone want a purple vaccum cleaner type of thing). Well she only overheard the last part and called me to say she put it on layaway for him! I had to call my dad and tell him to make her take it back. At this point we were so afraid my brother would stop coming to holidays because of this (seriously it was that bad). I have collected frogs for a long time, she took this to the extreme. I would get all kinds of frog stuff including baby toys. Finally one year DH piped up and said no more frog stuff. The next year I still got more but they were labeled from my younger brother because she figured it would be all right then. Well, last year we finally all put our foot down. She was wasting so much time and money and it wasn't funny or fun any more. We decided to do secret santas with our immediate family. And a limit of only 2 gifts per child. My sister even suggested that if she wanted to buy more for them to donate them to toys for tots so some other kid could enjoy it. It made it so much better this year! Really made a big difference. Although someone still has to worry about who she gets.

Put your foot down. If DH likes the stuff, make him put it someone. Or tell them while they are in these foreign areas to make a donation to a local orphange or something like that instead of buying stuff for you!

 

[wadesgirl]

By the way stepmom would also complain that the items on the older grandkids' lists were too expensive but then go spend way more than that on a bunch of junk!

 

[pamperedlinda]

This reminds me of my Dad's wife (she died 6 years ago). She was a HUGE HUGE HUGE QVC fanatic! We never knew what we were going to get from her, but we knew it would be something from QVC! We joke in the family that QVC stock took a dive the day she died

 

[fikibiff]

I really like the door (unless there are penises - spelling? - on it that I can't see), but wouldn't want most of the other stuff in my house.

Instead of throwing stuff away, you guys should join freecycle.org. It's a yahoo group where paople can give things away so that they don't end up in a landfill. The whole trash vs. treasure thing. It has to be free. There are different groups all over the country. I have gotten some great stuff - kids clothes, books, coupons, desk, a dorm frig, life jackets, etc. I was also able to give away our kitchen counters, cabinet knobs, removed carpet, clothes, books, and tons of other stuff. If you are remodeling, this is a great way to keep your old stuff out of a landfill and to help someone else. I do kitchen design and try to encourage people to give away there old stuff instead of getting a dumpster.

Someone else may want this stuff.

 

[dannyzmom]

I really like the door (unless there are penises - spelling? - on it that I can't see), but wouldn't want most of the other stuff in my house.

Instead of throwing stuff away, you guys should join freecycle.org. It's a yahoo group where paople can give things away so that they don't end up in a landfill. The whole trash vs. treasure thing. It has to be free. There are different groups all over the country. I have gotten some great stuff - kids clothes, books, coupons, desk, a dorm frig, life jackets, etc. I was also able to give away our kitchen counters, cabinet knobs, removed carpet, clothes, books, and tons of other stuff. If you are remodeling, this is a great way to keep your old stuff out of a landfill and to help someone else. I do kitchen design and try to encourage people to give away there old stuff instead of getting a dumpster.

Someone else may want this stuff.

I am already a member of Freecycle and have used it to get rid of TONS of stuff...but I think DH would flip out if I got rid of his stuff ... that's the problem, his feelings about this stuff.

 

[daniellemorgan]

My DH's grandmother has a gift room. When holidays come around she goes in and finds something to give to you. This year she sent us a very small water fountain soothing thing. I don't know what to call it!! Anyways it was very ugly and useless, so my mom took it for her office. I got a call a few days later that after she put batteries in it and filled it up....it didn't even work!!! Again useless!!!The running joke in the family is, just by her something you like because eventually you'll just get it back!!

 

[hperschnick]

All I can say is WOW!! At least DH has seen that you are not happy and has said you can work on a style together. I think you need to DEFINATELY get rid of the bug penis gourd - chunk it - that is gross. You wouldn't keep anything else in your house that had bugs so why keep that? It has nothing to do with your ill feelings towards the "thing" you would throw out something YOU purchased if it had bugs.

I think DH needs to talk to his parents and tell them you guys are redecorating and while the things they give are very nice you want to decorate with things that YOU purchase together, it's a "bonding thing". Think of something that they could bring back for the kids that would not be offensive to you... I don't know what that would be... or give a size limit and have a small shelf in thier room for the "treasures" they bring back... one comes in... one goes out. I'm talking like one of those floating shelves... so not longer than 2' or something and only a few inches deep. Put a framed pict of the grandparents on there and it can be "their" space in the kids room.

I wouldn't get rid of the stuff they have already given you... maybe tell DH that he can pick out a few things to display on one wall in a certain room (your choice) - things he really likes. Group them as a collection. Then tell the ILs that the rest has to go and would they like it back, if not ask SIL if she wants it then donate it somewhere. I do like the door though... the rest has to go and I like funky stuff.

I guess I lucked out with the ILs they only buy you EXACTLY what you tell them you want - they ask for a list and that is what you get - they don't put any additional thought into it. My mom on the other hand buys us all kinds of stuff... but I have told her we are downsizing and I would rather have 1 or 2 larger items that a ton of smaller ones. And she doesn't get offended when I tell her I want to return something. So that is nice.

Good luck! Take your home back... and take DH up on the offer to redecorate with a combined style. I would also try to step back from the emotion of what these peices are and see if there are items that you could work into the new style. Look in magazines and each of you tear out things you like and maybe you will be closer than you think!

 

[baychef]

Oh Carolyn...I feel so bad for you. I have no good advice for you either. Like you say...it's hubby's "feelings" that are attached to it. Does he feel that by you not liking these "treasures" that he has to defend his parents? I like the door...but NOT there. I love the colors of your home and that just doesn't begin to fit there.

You deserve and Academy Award for reacting in a positive way when the bookends were given. My face would have given it ALL away, no matter how hard I tried to not show my horror!!

The penis stuff...you know I am a potty minded girl, but all of that stuff is really ugly and penis-y! And bugs and penises do NOT go together.

I hope your hubby got through to them. I keep finding myself trying to make suggestions but HIS attachment stops me everytime.

Talking about gyno stuff over breakfast is just so much easier than figuring this one out!!!

 

[Jess_K]

wow.. this thread gave me a laugh today.. thanks !! It makes me appreciate my inlaws for sure... even if my MIL still goes into my bedroom and gets my dirty laundry and then of course hangs it ALL on the clothes line... not so bad.. at least there's nothing on my walls from them.. they did buy us our honeymoon trip to Hawaii, and microwave for our new home.. and probably numberous practical things that I can't think of now.. .best of luck to you..

 

[pamperedbecky]

Oh my gosh I'm only through page 4 of this thread and I'm cracking up!!! Now I see what you were talking about Carolyn! You mentioned something about a penis gourd on Director CS and I hadn't gotten here to check out this thread until now. How funny!! I see the problem though. I haven't read all the posts, but I hope you guys come to a happy medium.

I shouldn't complain then....EVERY year my inlaws give us a crystal bowl for our anniversary. Seriously. The one we got last year was the SAME EXACT one as one they had given us before for our anniversary. The funny thing is, our cat got up on my hutch in the dining room and knocked something down onto it (dumb cat) and the thing has a crack totally through the middle. I haven't thrown it out yet, but the ironic thing is we have a back up!!

Thanks for the laughs, everyone. This thread is great!!!

 

[janetupnorth]

Oh my gosh I'm only through page 4 of this thread and I'm cracking up!!! Now I see what you were talking about Carolyn! You mentioned something about a penis gourd on Director Chef Success and I hadn't gotten here to check out this thread until now. How funny!! I see the problem though. I haven't read all the posts, but I hope you guys come to a happy medium.

I shouldn't complain then....EVERY year my inlaws give us a crystal bowl for our anniversary. Seriously. The one we got last year was the SAME EXACT one as one they had given us before for our anniversary. The funny thing is, our cat got up on my hutch in the dining room and knocked something down onto it (dumb cat) and the thing has a crack totally through the middle. I haven't thrown it out yet, but the ironic thing is we have a back up!!

Thanks for the laughs, everyone. This thread is great!!!

Whenever I see them on TV, they never have a smile on their faces...they are always concentrating on what they are trying to figure out.

...and of course, I personally would never go to one so I will probably never meet a happy one.

 

[heather223]

This thread made me laugh so hard today.

Carolyn~ I don't know what to say! Can you take the things they buy you down and put it up when they come to vistit? Donate it to a good cause? If not I would definitely put a Chinese Menu in the wall hanging.

Linda~ The zebra would scare the crud out of me. Good thing it is behind you!

 

[erinyourpclady]

Um.....yeah....um....

The door looks like something I would put in my hosue but the rest of it down right SCARES me! LOL!!! Bless your hearts!

I have no in-laws and my mom SUCKS at gift giving so I never have to worry about it. IN fact when she was here last so said she had a covet list. I had to check the house before she left to make sure none of my stuff was in her suitcase!!