You Know You're a Nurse, Medic, Etc. If...

[katie0128]

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A NURSE IF:

• the front of your scrubs reads "Nurses... here to save your ass, not kiss it!"
• you occasionally park in the space with the "physicians only" sign... and knock it over.
• you believe some patients are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
• you recognize that you can't cure stupid.
• you own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.
• you believe there's a special place for the inventor of the call light.
• you believe that saying "it can't get any worse "causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
• you wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
• you believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
• you consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
• eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
• you've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
• you've heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say "I'm afraid of shots."
• you've placed a be ton someone's blood alcohol level.
• you've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.
• your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.
• you have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.
• you believe that not all patients are annoying...some are unconscious.
• your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.
• you don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.
• you've sworn to have "do not resuscitate" tattooed on your chest. Soon.
• discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.
• your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can sit down to eat.
• your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
• you believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac.
• you believe that "shallow gene pool" should be are cognized diagnosis.
• you believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.
• you believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase, "Wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?
• you have even wanted to write a book entitled "Suicide: getting it right the first time."
• you have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say "I have no idea how that got stuck in there."
• you've had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.

 

[raebates]

With several friends in the medical field, this one will be a hit. Thanks for sharing.

 

[mommyhugz1978]

Thanks for sharing that is too funny!!

 

[2pamperU]

That is great!! My g/f at Kaiser Perm will enjoy that too much!

 

[janetupnorth]

Yeah, I'm just a volunteer EMT and I can identify with MANY of those!!!!

I have a specific story about the last one...

When I was doing my clinical a lady about age 80 something came in...she was complaining about EVERYTHING but really didn't have anything wrong. Anyway the male nurse on duty was checking her pedal pulses (feet) and checking CMS (circulation, etc.) and discovers this HUGE corn on her foot. He looks at the other nurse and I and says, "Hey what would this be if it gave birth?". We look at him and say, "What?" He says, "Children of the corn." Well, the lady hears him and starts swearing at him using every word in the book. He and the other nurse, book out of the room (because they about to crack up laughing hysterically) and leave me with this old lady swearing up a storm and I have to calm her down without laughing too...

 

[pmpdRRT]

I am a respiratory therapist and i can recall saying a few of these things... the popcorn is true and we also drink iced tea out of urine meter buckets.