Humor Why Buying the Cow is No Longer Necessary: Andy Rooney & Frank Kaiser

[raebates]

Warning! The following contains a bit of adult humor.This was attributed to Andy Rooney on 60 Minutes.As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think. If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it. Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like one . You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her. Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an up date for you.. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
Suddenly I have much more respect for Andy Rooney. ETA (in case someone reads the first post and not the ensuing banter): KG let me know that my information was incorrect. The piece was actually written by Frank Kaiser.

 

[esavvymom]

LOL Now that is funny. I'm not over 40 in body, but I must be in spirit....most of that stuff already applies to me. How scary is THAT?!

 

[raebates]

Bobbi, you're clearly on the way to becoming an amazing woman.

 

[esavvymom]

Bobbi, you're clearly on the way to becoming an amazing woman.

"On the way"?? Shooooot...I'm already there baby! Just ask my DH...he knows! He knows how lucky he is to NOT have a high-maintenance woman.

 

[wadesgirl]

I can totally picture him saying all that! I love the last line.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Sorry, Rae, it wasn't written by Andy Rooney, in fact, when asked if that's how he viewed older women and he replied, "Not particularly."The piece was written by Frank Kaiser, a columnist who writes a regular piece called Suddenly Senior. It was written in 2000.

 

[Ann F]

Regardless of origin, it's cute!

 

[pjpamchef]

Too Funny, as a woman over 50 I totally get it!

 

[Judybabe]

I have to laugh. My DH and I just got married two months ago after living together for 8 months. A mutual friend kept telling me, he'll never marry you now, why buy the cow when the milk is free... I'm 48 and he's 53. My DH keeps teasing me with that line. oh boy, when he gets home from work is he gonna get it!!!LOL!

 

[letscook04]

So funny and so true!! LOL :love:

 

[raebates]

Sorry, Rae, it wasn't written by Andy Rooney, in fact, when asked if that's how he viewed older women and he replied, "Not particularly."

The piece was written by Frank Kaiser, a columnist who writes a regular piece called Suddenly Senior. It was written in 2000.

That's cool. I received it in an email attributed to Andy Rooney. Kind of glad it was written by Frank Kaiser. Now I can go back to having very little respect for Andy Rooney.

 

[legacypc46]

Just sent this to DH. Thanks for sharing!


P.S. I love your blog, especially the newest post!

 

[Crystal Patton]

That's cool. I received it in an email attributed to Andy Rooney. Kind of glad it was written by Frank Kaiser. Now I can go back to having very little respect for Andy Rooney.

That made me laugh!!! Mostly because I agree.

Rae - when in doubt, Snopes it. The web site snopes.com: Urban Legends Reference Pages is a great resource for checking out the authenticity of forwarded e-mails. It can also be somme really funny reading.:thumbup:

 

[raebates]

Thanks, Leggy. I'm doing a follow-up post tomorrow.Crystal, I usually check things out on Snopes, but didn't bother since this was more of a joke. I've yet to receive an email with a dire warning that actually checked out. Still, I check just to be sure.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

The best part of the snopes listing is the letter from Ben Franklin...check this out!

June 25. 1745

My dear Friend,

I know of no Medicine fit to diminish the violent natural Inclinations you mention; and if I did, I think I should not communicate it to you. Marriage is the proper Remedy. It is the most natural State of Man, and therefore the State in which you are most likely to find solid Happiness. Your Reasons against entring into it at present, appear to me not well-founded. The circumstantial Advantages you have in View by postponing it, are not only uncertain, but they are small in comparison with that of the Thing itself, the being married and settled. It is the Man and Woman united that make the compleat human Being. Separate, she wants his Force of Body and Strength of Reason; he, her Softness, Sensibility and acute Discernment. Together they are more likely to succeed in the World. A single Man has not nearly the Value he would have in that State of Union. He is an incomplete Animal. He resembles the odd Half of a Pair of Scissars. If you get a prudent healthy Wife, your Industry in your Profession, with her good Economy, will be a Fortune sufficient.

But if you will not take this Counsel, and persist in thinking a Commerce with the Sex inevitable, then I repeat my former Advice, that in all your Amours you should prefer old Women to young ones. You call this a Paradox, and demand my Reasons. They are these:

1. Because as they have more Knowledge of the World and their Minds are better stor'd with Observations, their Conversation is more improving and more lastingly agreable.

2. Because when Women cease to be handsome, they study to be good. To maintain their Influence over Men, they supply the Diminution of Beauty by an Augmentation of Utility. They learn to do a 1000 Services small and great, and are the most tender and useful of all Friends when you are sick. Thus they continue amiable. And hence there is hardly such a thing to be found as an old Woman who is not a good Woman.

3. Because there is no hazard of Children, which irregularly produc'd may be attended with much Inconvenience.

4. Because thro' more Experience, they are more prudent and discreet in conducting an Intrigue to prevent Suspicion. The Commerce with them is therefore safer with regard to your Reputation. And with regard to theirs, if the Affair should happen to be known, considerate People might be rather inclin'd to excuse an old Woman who would kindly take care of a young Man, form his Manners by her good Counsels, and prevent his ruining his Health and Fortune among mercenary Prostitutes.

5. Because in every Animal that walks upright, the Deficiency of the Fluids that fill the Muscles appears first in the highest Part: The Face first grows lank and wrinkled; then the Neck; then the Breast and Arms; the lower Parts continuing to the last as plump as ever: So that covering all above with a Basket, and regarding only what is below the Girdle, it is impossible of two Women to know an old from a young one. And as in the dark all Cats are grey, the Pleasure of corporal Enjoyment with an old Woman is at least equal, and frequently superior, every Knack being by Practice capable of Improvement.

6. Because the Sin is less. The debauching a Virgin may be her Ruin, and make her for Life unhappy.

7. Because the Compunction is less. The having made a young Girl miserable may give you frequent bitter Reflections; none of which can attend the making an old Woman happy.

8thly and Lastly They are so grateful!!

Thus much for my Paradox. But still I advise you to marry directly; being sincerely Your affectionate Friend.​

 

[Crystal Patton]

Thanks, Leggy. I'm doing a follow-up post tomorrow.

Crystal, I usually check things out on Snopes, but didn't bother since this was more of a joke. I've yet to receive an email with a dire warning that actually checked out. Still, I check just to be sure.

I always Snopes before I forward (unless it's just plain sillyness - like this one was) and I agree, rarely is the information correct.

 

[raebates]

KG, I've never read the entire treatise. It's oddly flattering and insulting at the same time.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Franklin had a rather...interesting...outlook on life, didn't he?

 

[raebates]

He was a really fascinating man. Since he was so successful at so many things, he's considered eccentric. If he'd failed at more of them, he'd just be crazy.

 

[Dina Atnip]

Love it laughed out loudly

 

[Crystal Patton]

KG, I've never read the entire treatise. It's oddly flattering and insulting at the same time.

I felt the same way - is this a compliment or not? Hmmm.