Venting Frustrations: When Offering to 'Help' Isn't Helpful

[wadesgirl]

Since losing my job on Monday I'm trying to work really hard on building my show schedule and talking to my family and friends to see if they want to help me out. My aunt sells jewelry and when she first started selling I had one of her first parties (I had actually booked from the original consultant but then my aunt decided to sign up). When I signed up to sell PC she of course made the offer to host a party with me - with the exception that I host a party with her (um... pretty sure I already hosted for her ). But there were some things I wanted so we did a party for each other. The next year we did it again. Well I've changed my mind about that product and really don't want any more because it keeps breaking on me and tarnishing even though it just sits in the box. She has asked over and over again about hosting another party together and I just keep telling her no. Today we are talking at my mom's doctor's appointment and she says to me "Sorry you lost your job, we should do a double party again!". I told her that I'm not having parties for anyone else right now because I don't have any money. Her products require you to pay tax so you always have to pay something out of your pocket and of course theirs money for food, mailings, etc. Her reply to me in a very snotty voice was "Well I figured I would help you out by giving you a booking on your calendar!" UGH!! If you want to help me out, offer to do a show for me! Don't offer to exchange parties with me and then be mad when I tell you I have no money to host a party with you! Just ticks me off that she always has this attitude of having to exchange parties rather than just do one for me!!

Okay I'm done venting now

 

[flemings99]

I agree. I hate the exchange party people too! There are only so many parties you can do.

While we are venting....I had 7 July cooking shows, count them 7 shows booked for after conference and ALL but 1 have cxl!!! I could just cry! Various reasons..I totaled my car, my husband has cancer, I don't have time, work is too busy and so on. 6 cxl really, 6!!! I know hit the phones....

 

[Becca_in_MD]

Vent away!!!! Tell her you've instituted a "no shows for other companies" policy. If she brings it up again, be straight forward and say she can host a show to help you out. Also, you have to focus your time and energy on your show schedule and don't have time for shows with other companies.

Barb - my D has had at least 4 of her post-conference shows cancel/postpone this month. I don't know what's going on!!! So sorry to hear about your husband's cancer.

 

[Brenda.the.chef]

I agree. I hate the exchange party people too! There are only so many parties you can do.

While we are venting....I had 7 July cooking shows, count them 7 shows booked for after conference and ALL but 1 have cxl!!! I could just cry! Various reasons..I totaled my car, my husband has cancer, I don't have time, work is too busy and so on. 6 cxl really, 6!!! I know hit the phones....

That's how my June was! I had 5 on the calendar and 4 cancelled and I couldn't scrape enough together to get the 2nd show in to qualify for the grand prize at NC. That's the only reason I didn't win the mortgage.

As for the show exchange deal... wow! Doesn't sound like the most understanding person in the world. You should probably just tell her why and be open and honest right now so there is no 'grey area' as I like to call it. Shoot from the hip is what my Mom always used to tell me.

Best of luck to you. I've been keeping you in my prayers since I saw your post about losing your job.

 

[pampered1224]

Becca - I think, and hope, Barb was saying that one excuse a host gave her for not having a party. And Barb, shame on you for feeling bad about that one if it is true! You can vent about the others! I have a terrible time booking July and August. Always, for 11 years, never fails. I get them on the books and well, all the sudden family reunions, family trips, in our state, state fair and county fairs get in the way and well, I don't try so hard much any more. So, I get lazy but you got stiffed. That hurts. But like I think I learned, you can not change others. (STINKS WHEN A PAYCHECK IS RIDDING ON IT!), but can you do. Vent, Vent, Vent away and know a lot of us feel your pain. And wadesgirl, stick to your guns! Any time I have done a double party, I end up being a caterer and buyer instead of a seller. I NEVER DO THEM ANY MORE!!! Haven't for at least 6 years now. As for your relative, she does not want to help you or she would just do it. She only wants to help you to help her. Go else where for bookings! It will pay off in the end.

 

[chefsteph07]

I do not do "exchange" parties either! For one, it is almost always for a company that I dont care for, and for another, I want a host who WANTS to have a party, not just so they can have a party for themselves!
The only time I have EVER done parties like that is for Tastefully Simple and that was basically a "dual" party where we had it on the same day, we each invited our groups and then we got to keep our sales from the customers to use as a show to get the host benefits.

 

[esavvymom]

That's the one time I'm thankful that most of my friends live more than 25 miles away. It's a great reason to NOT host shows for others...none of my friends would come that far for a party! (They don't come to mine, why anyone else's?)

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

I don't exchange parties either, not since the "host from h-e-double hockey sticks" that you can look up if you're really interested.If I want to have a party, I'll have one! The times I've done shows for 31, Partylite, etc. no exchange was implied.I met a Partylite consultant at a fair I did recently. She called and tried to get me to book in July. And told me that my consultant had left the biz. I found out today that she was correct, but still think it was kind of sneaky that she told me the news instead of letting the consultant do it. My roommate has better luck with Partylite than I do, and I'm just not thrilled with the product line or the plan. And most of my friends are too practical for it. She said she's kind of partied out but may be interested in the fall because she loves the bamboo. But I'm almost afraid I'll get the "switch pitch" when I call her!

 

[wadesgirl]

I just loved the tone she used with me when she said it!! Like she was doing me a favor. Um a favor would be NOT ASKING FOR SOMETHING IN RETURN!!! We can just turn this into an entire venting thread for everybody.

 

[Teresa LM]

Well, maybe when she is down on HER luck, you could return the favor but right now, really? Or, maybe she is in the same situation but doesn't want to admit it? You need to talk it out with her.

 

[wadesgirl]

Well, maybe when she is down on HER luck, you could return the favor but right now, really? Or, maybe she is in the same situation but doesn't want to admit it? You need to talk it out with her.

The other funny thing her husband actually kicked me out of their house about a month ago. Long story but come to discover he never liked me and thought I was rude! HA! So I should just remind her I cannot have a party for her anyway (we usually did both parties at her house since I cannot have them at mine) since I'm not allowed in her house Didn't even think of that!

 

[pchockeymom]

It sucks that people can't do something without wanting something in return. Bless and release. Don't get caught up in this one "no" and move on. Now you're one "no" closer to a "yes". Just let her know "I'd love to do a cooking show for you and your friends. Whenever you're ready just let me know." Leave it at that. Don't mention how it'd be doing you a favor/helping you out or give her any inkling that you'd do a show for her. Treat her like any other potential host lead that you aren't related to! The awesome part about PC is that when you need to step it up, you can. YOU are in control of your calendar and I'm sure you know all the things you need to do to fill it up. Go for it!

 

[babywings76]

Geesh! Some aunt! That's ridiculous to push you to swapping shows. I agree with the others and would bless & release. If it was me and she brings it up again, I'd say, "I'm really trying to focus my time on my business and can't afford to host for other companies right now. Maybe down the road, but I can't make any guarantees. If you'd love to get a great deal on our products and have a fun night making a recipe together with your friends, I'd love to do a party for you. Just let me know. But you may want to ask Uncle XXXX about it first since he might not welcome me into your home again. "

 

[flemings99]

Becca - I think, and hope, Barb was saying that one excuse a host gave her for not having a party. And Barb, shame on you for feeling bad about that one if it is true! You can vent about the others! I have a terrible time booking July and August. Always, for 1 years, never fails. I get them on the books and well, all the sudden family reunions, family trips, in our state, state fair and county fairs get in the way and well, I don't try so hard much any more. So, I get lazy but you got stiffed. That hurts. But like I think I learned, you can not change others. (STINKS WHEN A PAYCHECK IS RIDDING ON IT!), but can you do. Vent, Vent, Vent away and know a lot of us feel your pain. And wadesgirl, stick to your guns! Any time I have done a double party, I end up being a caterer and buyer instead of a seller. I NEVER DO THEM ANY MORE!!! Haven't for at least 6 years now. As for your relative, she does not want to help you or she would just do it. She only wants to help you to help her. Go else where for bookings! It will pay off in the end.

To correct, no my husband doesn't have cancer..the host husband does. Vent was as a whole, not directed to her specifically. Time to get off the pity party train and do something about it...phone time here I come!

 

[pampered1224]

I was just poking at ya a bit. I knew it was not directed at her but rather the situation. Sorry if I made you feel that way.

 

[flemings99]

None taken. It's always nice to have an eye opener. While my 6 cxls is devastating to me, I would much rather be in my shoes than those who are cxling on me. All seem to have "valid" reasons. I'm grateful no one at the moment has cancer in my family, I haven't been in a terrible car accident, and my home isn't being foreclosed on. Just 3 of the reasons to not be holding their shows this month. It's always helpful to realize while life at the moment for you may seem frustrating there is someone out there who is having a much worse time than you are. Take a moment and be grateful for the things we do have.

I've also decided since my schedule is now clear, I can focus on that trip I wanted to take to visit my Mom, get out of my box and schedule a recipe night, and focus on making calls (since I've been good at avoiding them).

 

[pampered1224]

What is a recipe night? Sounds interesting. And yes, I have had my share of GARBAGE this past year but I too seem to be keeping my cool as I do know many people personally who are way worse off than me. And that do not have the resources I have been guided too either. (I simply sat quietly one day and simply said help. Then I stopped to listen. I heard the answer and that was that.)

 

[chezshelly]

I don't swap shows either, I always tell the other Consultant if they want to host with me they can, but no trading!!!! It's too pushy for me. For those of you who are having so many cancellations, do you mail the invitations for your hosts? That really cuts down on your cancellations, making them practically nonexistent. And nope, I don't pay the postage, they do.

 

[flemings99]

Recipe nights were introduced at NC. Should be information available on-line. Haven't done one yet so honestly don't have it worked out in my head yet to share. I believe it is like a mini show but focused on training and recruiting possible leads who attend.

Back to wadesgirl's vent. I don't swap shows either. I tell them that I host 1 show per year and have already done it (which is true). I tell them I can actually help their business more by networking with them and referring them to clients. I have a group of vendors that we all share fair information/feedback with. It's also nice when someone at a show asks if I know a consultant with xyz and then I can pass their name along. Most of the time this fixes the trade show issue.

Shelly, yes I'm sending out mini's and I do pay for shipping. I even offered an incentive to my July host for returning the list within 3 days. Only 1 out of 7 took me up on it. The 1 show that I know is holding. I agree if you can get the list it helps on cancellations.

 

[ChefMarylu]

Wow, I love this website!

I had a vendor at my office say "let's switch parites" once. She had her PC show first and only invited about 3 people. I saw the stack of invites I gave her on the kitchen sink when I got there. That was my first year with PC so I sooned learned not to do those anymore.
Also - If I have a friend that has a home party and I like the product, I'll go as a guest, but I don't expect them to have a PC show just because I bought from their show. I want them to have a PC show because they really want to have one.

 

[colegrovet]

I agree. I hate the exchange party people too! There are only so many parties you can do.

While we are venting....I had 7 July cooking shows, count them 7 shows booked for after conference and ALL but 1 have cxl!!! I could just cry! Various reasons..I totaled my car, my husband has cancer, I don't have time, work is too busy and so on. 6 cxl really, 6!!! I know hit the phones....

I know that feeling... had 7 booked for Jun.. 4 canceled.
and for Jul. I had 7 booked and 5 canceled.
and my first show in Aug.. canceled.

 

[ChefMarylu]

Just curious, when you ladies/gents say 'cancel' are the hosts rescheduling for a later date/month? I had some cancels lately but they rescheduled. Just wondering if they cancel, what is your response?
:chef:

 

[wadesgirl]

Just curious, when you ladies/gents say 'cancel' are the hosts rescheduling for a later date/month? I had some cancels lately but they rescheduled. Just wondering if they cancel, what is your response?
:chef:

Lately my cancels have been no response and not able to follow up with them!

 

[babywings76]

My cancels always act like it's a reschedule, but then I never get them to do it. And it's been people who were really nice, friendly, seemed like they were going to be a great host, upbeat & excited about their parties. :grumpy: I wish I could get them to return calls/e-mails/commit to a new date. I don't want to hound them, though, so it's hard finding a way to stay on top of things and not lose them, but I don't want to scare them away.