Director Supporting a Loved One Battling Cancer: My Personal Journey

[baychef]

Will try to keep this brief but my ex-husband, Bob, was diagnosed with bile duct cancer January 25, 2011. He had 6 chemo treatments and they could not do the 7th because his veins have collapsed. He was told last Thursday that they can not do any more treatments. His CT scan showed that the chemo has had no effect on him and that the cancer has gotten much worse. They called Hospice for him they visited last Friday. He has gone downhill fast.

Our son is 20 (he will be 21 in May) and he has always lived with his Dad. He is handling it ok, but he is having a complete life turn about. I have been there for Bob and Chris, our son. Making them food, cleaning and helping where and when I can. Bob has no one else and his only brother is in New Jersey facing his own battles. (Bob's niece is 32 battling stage 4 breast cancer, going in for more chemo. Bob's sister-in-law will be cancer free...she had a lumpectomy around Christmas 2010 and will be starting radiation)

I have promised Bob and his brother that I will be there for Bob no matter what. Luckily this is the "easier" time of year for my job. The cottage rentals will be starting up so I am booking those. My PC calendar is filled almost every Friday, Sat and Sunday through Easter weekend. And I have 1 new recruit and 2 hot leads.

Everyone who offers to help will be called on for one thing or another. Just pray that I can keep everything balanced in life and that nothing else happens to us (yes, I always think...it could be worse!). And pray that my son continues to mature. He will be set financially through most of his 20's but there is much more growing he will be forced to do.

So as everyone is looking forward to summer, I am not as I believe Bob will not be with us that long. When I picked him up from the hospital January 28th, you would never know a thing was wrong with him. Now, he is losing ground fast. Can't tell you how much I hate this damn disease.

Thanks for listening and thanks for being a shelter in the storm for me!

 

[dannyzmom]

((((((((((((((((((((((Ann))))))))))))))))))))))

 

[pamperedbecky]

Oh Ann I'm so sorry to hear he's going downhill so fast. Wow, you've had a lot on your plate. Just remember to take care of you through all of this too. My heart goes out to you as you all go through this.

 

[Chef Kearns]

Ann, I'm so glad you trust us enough to share. I'll definitely keep you, Bob and Chris in my prayers. Father please give them all strength to endure this trial and peace in spirit.

 

[baychef]

Thank you all so much. I know the path that lies ahead is not going to be pleasant but I could never live with myself if he was not taken care of and just left alone. And of course, Chris needs to know more than ever that I am there for him as well.

Both Bob's family and my family have been wonderful. I have not seen Bob's brother and cousins in 12 years or so and they have made what could be an awkward moment very warm and welcoming. So there are some blessings that can be found.

Again, I will be blatantly soliciting shoulders to cry on!! I tell people we are going to need a lot of shoulders!! Thanks everyone!:candyheart:

 

[BethCooks4U]

Oh, Ann... {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

Know we are here for you. You are such a blessing for Chris, Bob and his family.

 

[Sheila]

Oh, BIG (((hugs))) sweetie! I'm so sorry that any of you are having to deal with this. It's great that you and Bob still have a friendly enough relationship that you are able to step in & help. I'm sure that's a GREAT relief for Chris to have you there by his side. I did a temp job in Jacksonville, Florida cleaning up the filing system for a Hospice company. Everyone there was so sweet and patient ... very calm & caring personalities. I hope that you are encountering the same type of demeanor there in NY with the hospice workers and that they are able to help ease this transition for all 3 of you. I can't imagine how difficult this must be. My heart goes out to you, Chris and Bob. Try to take care of yourself too. This will be a very mentally and physically exhausting time for you.

 

[finley1991]

{{{HUGS}}}!!! Call me if you need to talk! :candyheart:

 

[pamperedlinda]

Sending you big hugs and prayers Ann!

 

[annew]

Ann sending my thoughts/prayers to you & your family!

 

[almondfarm]

Ann - praying for you and your family.

 

[baychef]

Thank you everyone!!! The days are getting tougher. Cancer in itself is horrible, but even though we see him everyday, we see him slipping each day in some little way.

My son and I had a moment yesterday where we hugged each other and sobbed. It was good for both of us. He doted on his Dad yesterday and has a list of errands planned for today that will assist his Dad. He already makes me proud and yesterday he just doubled that pride.

Thank you for the prayers...keep sending them. And yes, Sheila, we are blessed with a very good Hospice team in the area.

Seriously, thank you all so so very much. If I am not on here much you know why, but I will be popping in for some love once in awhile!!!:candyheart:

 

[Sheila]

More (((hugs))) coming at you sweetie! Even with the move from Japan to Texas, you've been on my mind!

 

[baychef]

Found out yesterday that I have 1/4th of a day for personal time left. After that if I take time off (other than my own illness and sickness in family...which does not include Bob) it will be without pay.

Luckily, Bob was having a better day yesterday which means my son was having a better day as well. I am trying to be level headed right now. I can act level headed but I am incredibly disappointed...ok I am really pissed off.

The time I would take is to help my son meander through this so I will resort to lying because I can not afford to take much time without pay. And I really was not planning on taking gobs of time off but just to be there when Chris needed me.

Add this to your list of "why do PC".

 

[Sheila]

(((hugs))) sweetie! I'm so very sorry! I agree being tied to a job and a boss bites ... big time! Hopefully you can get your team up & going soon so that you can afford to make PC your full time job and tell your boss where he/she can put their job.

 

[cincychef]

Ann,
I am so sorry you have to deal with this added stress! I thought about this last night and honestly I am the first one to tell the truth about everything, but I wouldn't consider it lying. You and your son's emotional state during all this is just as much of an illness as the flu. So I wouldn't feel guilty about saying that you or your son are ill.
Thinking of you!

 

[quiverfull7]

Oh Ann, sorry I've missed this up til now. I've not been on much. I'll be praying for all of you. Part of hospice is to make sure YOU are ok... let them help you as well as Bob and Chris. I pray things at work will loosen up so that that pressure isn't there on you. Praying!

 

[pamperedbecky]

Thinking of you, Ann. So sorry that you and your family is going through this.

 

[chefkathy]

I saw on FB today that Bob passed away earlier this week and they are having services tonight. (((HUGS))) Ann!

 

[finley1991]

Thanks for the update Deb. {{{HUGS}}} to you and your family Ann!

 

[Sheila]

Awe, big (((hugs))) Ann!!!

 

[cincychef]

Ann you and your family are in my prayers.

 

[quiverfull7]

Praying for all of you!

 

[baychef]

Thank you everyone. Bob passed away Tuesday morning at 2:36 am. Last weekend his was changing every 12 hours and for not being a nurse, it was a challenge to keep on top of it all, but I made sure he was as comfortable as possible the entire time.

Our son, Chris, seems to be doing ok. He will be living in the house. It never crossed my mind that I would be leaving him alone in the house...and how much it worried me. But the first night he insisted that I go home because he said he has to start getting used to it.

The calling hours were 3 hours last night of a constant stream of people. Then we had a celebration of life service. My former BIL spoke as did I. My son was a mess, but it is ok because he has to let it out.

We will spread his ashes in the St. Lawrence River June 11th, he would have been 60 on June 8th.

Bob passed away 9 weeks from his diagnosis. Just incredible and mind boggling. He was a beautiful man and loved by many. THANK YOU ALL for the thoughts, prayers and wonderful words. They mean so much to me.

 

[Sheila]

Sending you LOTS of (((hugs))) sweetie!

 

[pamperedbecky]

Hugs, Ann. Wow, I can't even imagine the feelings you've been having through all of this. You have been a great source of comfort, not only to your son, but I'm to your ex too. I hope you take comfort in knowing how great it must must've been for them to have you there through all of this. I hope the next few weeks are ok for you.

 

[PCJenni]

I am so sorry for your lose and for your son's lose.

 

[finley1991]

{{{HUGS}}} Ann! Thinking of you and your son and sending prayers! xoxo

 

[akaskydebil]

So sorry for your loss. Please know that you're in my thoughts and prayers. ((HUGS from PA to NY))

 

[Chef Kearns]

Ann, once again thank you for sharing your life with us. I know this will be a hard time for all of you. What a blessing that you are still positively connected to Bob's family. I'll still be praying for all of you. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[DebPC]

So sorry for your loss.

 

[annew]

Ann, sending thoughts & prayers your waY!
XOXO