Supporting a Downline Recruit with Health Challenges and Family Demands

[cmdtrgd]

Okay, let's see if I can put this into a short story. I have an awesome recruit who is only one person away from becoming Director. She recruits like crazy and has more than enough shows each month. She LOVES doing this! Also, she has Celiac disease (gluten free) as well as Lupus and some other complications that come along with those. She was just told that she cannot "cheat" on the gluten free diet unless she wants to die at a young age. I believe she is in her mid 30s. She also has 6 boys (three are triplets) a mother in law that lives with her and her husband works from home as an entrepreneur. Usually in the winter she gets and stays sick because of her health problems. That has not happened this winter because of PC (that's what she says). And some of her kids have emotional problems and some are getting tested for the gluten free stuff. She has also decided that she is not going to NC (even if she promotes) because there is a gluten free family camp and it is only that week. Okay, now that you have the background, here is the situation. Her husband is not supportive. He wants her to start a different business with him completely from scratch. He also only wants her to be out 2 nights a month - he has tightened his "demands" (I can't think of a better word right now) over the last several months. So, the two nights out a month include my cluster meeting. She is also invited to Susan Kaufmann's (my director) cluster meeting which is on another night of the month. I hate that she has to give up that amazing meeting! She cannot be a good director with only doing one show a month! Daytime shows are an option, but not on the weekends. How do I help her?

 

[AJPratt]

I don't know if there is a way for you to help her. I think she has to come up with something, a compromise with her husband. She could frequent the local library in the day... where there may be some SAHM who would want to do a cooking with kids show.

 

[cmdtrgd]

I am at a loss because he was so supportive at first! He was amazed at the support and recognition as well as the great training!

 

[britishchef]

Are you absolutely sure that he is not supportive anymore? Just wondering if she's using it as an excuse. Presuming she's not, then all you can really do is encourage her to do the best she can in her circumstances. Personally I would have her skip the cluster meetings in favour of shows. You can take notes and e-mail her a summary.

 

[cmdtrgd]

No, he has yelled at me. I'm pretty sure. She wants this so bad and DOES this!!! I don't want her to skip the cluster meetings because she is about to become a director and that is part of being a director. Now, she doesn't have to accept it and they will keep asking her as long as she is eligible, but she has been acting like one since her first recruit!

 

[cmdtrgd]

I sound like I'm shooting down everyone...I'm not trying to, it's just that I have done a lot of what has been suggested...Oh, and the cluster meetings she goes to are mine - hopefully soon to be a joint venture between us. I will take notes at Susan's meetings and get them to her...thanks for the idea!

 

[quiverfull7]

It sounds like he is jealous and feels threatened by her success to me. Has she indicated that to you?

 

[cmdtrgd]

She said exactly that.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Another part of it is that I don't feel like I belong in this struggle. However, she did ask me for advice and I have no idea what to say!

 

[AJPratt]

I sound like I'm shooting down everyone...I'm not trying to, it's just that I have done a lot of what has been suggested...

Oh, and the cluster meetings she goes to are mine - hopefully soon to be a joint venture between us. I will take notes at Susan's meetings and get them to her...thanks for the idea!

I think the more info you share, the better.

 

[sailortena]

She is going to have to talk to her husband and try do do some compromise. Personally if I was her, I would continue on with my business and ignore my husband, saying it brings in money to feed the six kids ... so deal with it!But I'm not her, and I have no children, so I can't really say anything. LOL, but if my husband ever tried to limit me going out I would still tell him where he could shove it.

 

[cmdtrgd]

Tena - I so want to go beat him up!!! Heh...that won't solve anything.

 

[cmdtrgd]

On another note, I can't believe what he is teaching his 6 boys by the way he is treating their mother!!!

 

[janetupnorth]

Maybe she can work on explaining to her husband with the amount of kids and illness with her and them how much she REALLY needs this break and freedom to stay healthy and sane and be able to support her husband in what he enjoys to do...

...just thinking if she can show him how PC benefits HIM!!!! Happy wife makes happy husband....

...just like we discuss in recruiting how to make PC all about the recruit, in this case, the hubby's support is the recruit - show him how PC helps him.

 

[jessica_momof6]

Kate-that is rough. There is definitely something getting in the way of his support of her.
Is it just the success? Is there something more? Maybe she is doing a lot of calls etc at night and he feels it is taking away too much family time?
Sounds like he is pretty controlling.

what about her success bothers him? is he afraid that the more successful she becomes that she might pull away from him? I know my DH would love it if I was that successful and bringing more money into the family-I have 6 kids myself! LOL

Have you talked to your director to see if she has any advice?
could she maybe start with a compromise of working the business during the day so she is there with the family at night and then see if he can compromise on the number of nights she is out during the month?

 

[ChefLisa]

Hi Kate!

Forgive me for not remembering, are you married? If so, maybe a night out for a double date might work. You could talk a little business and maybe find out a little more about his concerns.

You wrote the kids are having problems. That can cause a lot of stress for a parent. Maybe the mother-in-law is feeding him a story that his wife needs to be home with the kids.

Lisa

 

[cmdtrgd]

Jessica - it is her success that he is jealous of. He is usually the one who starts a business and sells it off to make the $$$. She has always been the one who helped him. As for time, she really has cut back. She did go overboard and she knows it. However, the less she works, the more he wants to take her away from PC.

Unfortunately Susan (my director) is in Beverly Hills at the Chairman's Circle. She won't be back until the 9th.

My recruit has already compromised a lot with her husband and he just wants so much more!!!

 

[cmdtrgd]

Lisa - I am married to a computer programmer...not the sociable type. I think it would do more harm than good...maybe to my relationship!

 

[cmdtrgd]

Oh, and the mother in law is a problem, too. She has been sending notes to my recruit's mother on what she should or should not be doing, so I can only imagine what she is saying to her son.

 

[jessica_momof6]

Jessica - it is her success that he is jealous of. He is usually the one who starts a business and sells it off to make the $$$. She has always been the one who helped him. As for time, she really has cut back. She did go overboard and she knows it. However, the less she works, the more he wants to take her away from PC.

Unfortunately Susan (my director) is in Beverly Hills at the Chairman's Circle. She won't be back until the 9th.

My recruit has already compromised a lot with her husband and he just wants so much more!!!

Ugh-that really stinks
I can't imagine a marriage dynamic that would allow my husband to dictate to me. We both have equal say in all those decisions. That is so sad.
I think at this point, it really does sound more about controlling her instead of Pampered Chef, you know?

 

[cmdtrgd]

I totally agree! Is there anything I can say to help her talk to him?

 

[ShanaSmith]

perhaps they need to set a time line. She can explain what she gets out of her business and what it means to her. Then set a goal for, say, 6 months from now.... Then they can revisit the issue at the time.

 

[jessica_momof6]

I totally agree! Is there anything I can say to help her talk to him?

see-if it were me in her situation, I would stand up to him and not let him say "you can't do it" because that is just wrong.

But it sounds like he is pretty prickly, so maybe they could sit down together one night with someone watching the kids. promise to each other that their discussion is going to be open, but without hostility. have her talk, and then let him respond. if needed, you could always have them both do pro/con lists.

the point is to get them in a situation where they can talk openly, without fear of reprisal from the other person. maybe there is something else concerning him about the job--but she won't know until they can be open and upfront. she has to let him know in a non-agressive way how much this means to her and that she will , if needed, let him help her make some guidelines to doing her business and time. it doesn't mean he has to say "only 2 days a month" but maybe with all his business experience he can help her there
it almost sounds like she got so consumed in it that she probably let everything else go in the household-

 

[cmdtrgd]

Shana - sounds like a plan!

 

[cmdtrgd]

She didn't let everything go with the household. If anything, her kids and the house are in better shape because she wasn't sick all winter long! Jessica, I like your ideas and will get them to her as well as Shana's. Hopefully he won't be emotional.

 

[ShanaSmith]

Glad I could help. I have had a similar situation in my downline. It seems to have really helped my consultant and gave her the "power" to stand up for something that is so important to her.

 

[jessica_momof6]

She didn't let everything go with the household. If anything, her kids and the house are in better shape because she wasn't sick all winter long! Jessica, I like your ideas and will get them to her as well as Shana's. Hopefully he won't be emotional.

that is good to know. it was just an impression I got as I read everything and his restrictions.

I hope it works for them.

 

[speedychef]

Maybe if she tries involving him in her business? Maybe he's feeling not so much jealous as left out. She's enjoying PC so much and he doesn't get to feel that? Invite him to the cluster meetings and/or some shows. Show him stories of the successful male consultants if he does the "that's just for girls" thing. Perhaps he wants to start a new business with her because he wants to be involved from the get-go and share in the glory? Just a different take on it all. Have her share her PC with him!

 

[dannyzmom]

Tena - I so want to go beat him up!!! Heh...that won't solve anything.

Me too....he deserves a big ole http://www.thesmilies.com/smilies/mad0248.gif

 

[cmdtrgd]

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! Thanks Carolyn!

 

[pcchris]

Hey all...there's a couple in our cluster...she's the consultant, he's the hubby...she was inactive, he wanted her to spend more time w/family, etc. Well, he has decided to help her now, and her (their) business is taking off, and they are both happy!! Maybe she should ask him to help her with the business...you never know what might happen!! That just sux when a man can't handle his wife's success, and independence. dang.

 

[Rebeccascabinet]

We have a similar situation in our downline too and it stinks when men are that insecure. Follow the advice on CS, but also realize there's not much more you can do. It's their life and their marriage. I know if I was doing that well in my business my hubby would be doing back flips to get me to make more money. Some men, like her husband, I think are insecure.

 

[mommyhugz1978]

The best advice I can give you is for her to try and talk to her husband and try to get a happy medium..... sometimes my husband gets a little jealous becasue I spend too much time with pc and my school and not enough time with him, then he realizes what I get...... IS her husband always at hoem?? Maybe she can plan it that she works the biz when he isn't home,or something to that effect... I am sorry that really bites the big one!!

 

[cmdtrgd]

Yes, her husband works from home. He is starting a new business right now and it isn't nearly as successful as her PC one is. He doesn't realize that PC is so successful because it has been around for 26 years and knows how to do it! He likes to reinvent the wheel.I have suggested that they work together as a team. In fact, she just recruited a husband and wife team. She is the consultant and he is as active in it as she is. In fact, she signed last Wednesday and they have already done 3 shows!!!

 

[cmdtrgd]

I know there isn't anything I can do, nor do I want to. However, she asked for help and I'm not sure what to tell her or how to support her. Your posts have helped, but keep em coming!

 

[tashayoung]

In fact, she just recruited a husband and wife team. She is the consultant and he is as active in it as she is. In fact, she signed last Wednesday and they have already done 3 shows!!!

That's awesome!