Struggling to Balance My Pampered Chef Career and Family

[chef_lindsay]

Last summer I decided that I wanted to stay home with my children now 4 and 7 months. My husband and I are getting along fine financially, but I felt I needed to contribute somehow. So I signed up for pampered chef. I really love the products, but found I couldn't afford what I really wanted. So I thought I did a good thing. Something I love, extra money, a night or so a week out of the house. What more could I ask for? I discussed it with my husband and he said do what you want to do. So I did. Now, he just makes fun of me. Gets mad when I tell him (3 weeks ahead with many reminders) when he needs to watch the kids. I told him last night I really needed his support. He said I watch the kids. When I told him I need to be behind me and help push me; he said I think you're going to screw up our taxes. I am really frustrated. I want to continue this, and feel maybe I should to show him how I feel about it. But I also need some support. I am now feeling like I should step back. After all he is my husband. what do I do? Did anyone have any similar problems? What did you do? I need some advice. I am in my first SS month, I have done 2 shows, and am $300 or so away from the $1250 in sales. I dont want to hang up my apron. I think this is good for me, but I also dont want to listen to him all the time about it. PLEASE HELP!!!!!

 

[Jennie4PC]

I havent had that problem with my husband, but i would definitly wait and show him the 1st paycheck and hopefully that will change his mind, if he is conceredned about taxes let him know about the tax write offs that you can get for doing PC, I do know my husband was a little concerened about the tax situation but when he was filling out tax forms i had him claim less then what he did in the past due to PC. I hope this bit of advise helps you out

 

[Shawnna]

My husband is not very supportive of me doing shows, but he like the PC products. PC is more of a hobby than a job for me. He has encouraged me not to quit because if nothing else, PC has helped me to affort the products I want. As far as taxes are concerned, that is going to depend on your income and your husbands income. But, all products you order are a tax deductions because you use them at your shows. All host gifts are a tax deduction, mileage and ingredients you purchase to practice recipes are both tax deductions. You also have phone calls, paperwork supplies, postage and insurance that are tax deductions. Because I don't work very hard at my PC business I don't make much money...basically barely enough to call it a business on the tax form...so I don't even count all my products that I buy because I don't need the deductions. A home-based business is a great way to get tax deductions that you normally wouldn't get. You can take your computer as a deduction, and if you have a separate office you can even claim part of your utilities.

Keep good records and talk to your tax preparer. Treat you business as a job. Be organized and professional. Your husband may have the idea that you are just playing around and not serious about this. He may even think you are using it as an exuse to get out of the house and away from the kids and him. I don't mean this in a bad way, but I have been married 19 years and I learned a long time ago that husbands need to be babied. We are their sounding board, their doctor, and their comfort. Don't be discouraged. He may just be going through a rough time with something at his job and he may not be ready to discuss it with you. I am going to say a prayer for you right now that God will intervene and work it out for you.

One other thing...show him the incentive trips we can earn. Wouldn't he like to go on a vacation paid for by The Pampered Chef?

Shawnna

 

[gmosullivan]

Lindsay,

Jennie is right have him see the 1st check and the free stuff you get.

It's hard, but you need to have some time and feel like you are supporting too sometimes. My husband likes seeing the checks and free stuff and gets excited with me. I've been doing it for 3.5 years and now he has a better relationship with our 4 daughters 5, 8, 11, 13.

The tax right offs are great. My husband loves seeing thoughs. Hope your husband can see this is good for you, him and the family. If your happy with the company and getting out then our husband should be happy. Good luck and let us know.

 

[kitchenqueen]

My husband was alittle concerned about the taxes too and so was I honestly! But Shawnna is right - it all depends on your income, etc. But because I am able to write off our monthly dsl bill, long distance phone calls (if needed), miles, supplies and great products to use in our kitchen as well as my shows it was sort of a relief. But if you do take your business seriously by staying organized and on top of everything he may see that it makes you happy and that right there should make him happy. Try sitting down with him and go over the pros and cons together. I promise the pros will outweigh the cons! Remind him that the two of you are a team and you should work like a team. Everyone needs that extra outlet sometimes and PC will allow you to meet new friends and make money at the sametime! Why don't you practice more of those recipes in your Season's Best cookbook more....a way to a man's heart is his tummy right?!?! HAHA!! Good luck!

 

[dawnsclassycupboard]

I have been in your shoes!!! I am now into my second year of PC and I as well do not have a supportive spouse. It is not that he tells me I can't do it but I know that he thinks it unnecessary and riduclous. My first year of business I was able to claim a loss which helped us a great deal on our taxes. Save ALL of your receipts and track your milage!

After 7 years of being a stay at home Mom Pampered Chef is for ME! I refuse to give it up. It is the one place that I can feel appreciated for the effort I put into my business. At home, I know that I am loved but recognition is non-existant! With Pampered Chef, they shower me with praise, recognition flowers and baloons and a pay check to boot!!! This is for me because I deserve it!!

If you find that this is your passion and it improves yourself then he will see that in time. I know for us it will be when I take him on his first cruise next year that there is no chane in a million years that his company would ever give him. Until then, I will be patient and wait for him to see the benifits.

 

[DebbieSM]

My husband was very skepticalIn the beginning my husband was not very supportive, but after seeing the pay checks and how enthused I am about it, he is more supportive. Today is my birthday and my birthday present was my own PC website. Maybe if you tell him how important it is to you not only to do PC but to get out of the house 1 or 2 days a week. I find it funny that a lot of us have to ask our husbands if they can watch the kids on a certain day. Afterall, they are the fathers of our children, not the babysitters. Hang in there, you will get through it.

 

[pamperedbecky]

Lindsay,
Sorry to hear you're going through this!! It's a huge bummer when you're so excited about something, but just aren't getting the same response from your husband. It sounds like he's even bringing you down, which is so unfair because this is something you've been so excited about!! I was one of the lucky ones whose husband was/is supportive. Matter of fact, he's the one that gave me the final encouragement I needed to give this a try.

I agree with all the other posts here. There are SO many benefits that maybe he just needs time to see. Obviously you need the break away from home to interact with adults, have some fun and make some money. I'm in the same boat...two kids (3 1/2 and 9 months) and really need the break for my own sanity. I truly believe that when SAHMs have some outlet like this that gives them a little break, they're happier and in turn the kids are happier. At times, I can feel myself getting crabby with the kids and I totally regret it later. But then I have a night where I get to get out for a show or a cluster meeting and it really helps. Obviously your husband feels that your role is to take care of the kids...always. My husband has told me as well as his friends that having the time alone with our children is something he enjoys and probably wouldn't have gotten if I wasn't a consultant. I think he has a chance to bond even more with them through this. I know he was nervous at first, but he's grown out of that nervousness and enjoys it. That's something maybe your husband is facing and feeling anxious about.

Obviously the financial benefit is big. Not only the commission checks, but also the tax write offs. It does take a little practice to realize and keep track of what expenses can be written off as business expenses, but the advice given here is good. And maybe seek the advice of your director and upline director. I think it really pays to use an accountant who's familiar with home based business such as PC. If it costs too much to use an accountant, see if some other consultants will go to the same person and see if he/she will give you a discount for bringing in other consultants. If you were to quit PC and get a PT job, it's unlikely the job would be as flexible. Especially when your kids get older and get into even more activities that you have to plan around.

I could go on and on, but hopefully you'd be able to express to your husband the ways in which this business is helping you grow personally and professionally. A lot of that you can't put a dollar amount on! Especially mental heath. I think the longer you're in this, the more he'll see the benefits. Especially those incentive trips. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[dianevill]

You're definitely not aloneHi Lindsay,

When I was contemplating becoming a SAHM and supplementing our income by selling P.C., my husband was supportive. When I actually did it, the tune changed, and I found myself struggling to get him to understand and support me. I really struggled for my first 3 years with PC because I had no support. My husband complained that he was too tired to watch our young children, he had to work late (amazingly only on the days I had shows), etc., etc., etc. For some shows I hired a babysitter, and then he complained about that! Finally, I said to heck with it, I'm doing it and committing to it (this was after last year's conference). I started booking shows and not feeling guilty for leaving the kids with him. By doing this, it actually has strengthened our relationship. The small family break I take once or twice a week has done wonders for my husband's relationship with the kids, and it has helped my attitude - I'm not so crabby anymore since I get to see what the outside world looks like! Prior to my re-commitment, we were really struggling financially, and it was always on my mind that I wasn't contributing significantly (and was being reminded by my husband). I felt trapped - I KNEW I could make money with PC, but without support, I couldn't.

My oldest is now 4 1/2 and she LOVES to help me get ready for shows. She stamps all my catalogs and even picks out recipes. My 2 1/2 year old knows the sound of the UPS truck, and he goes right to the kitchen to get the i-Slice to open the boxes. Seeing their enthusiasm has helped boost my husband's support, and when June's commission check was over $1000 and I told him about all the free product I'll be receiving, well, he was pretty thrilled.

So, sorry for the long-winded message, but don't wait as long as I did to get the ball rolling. Stay enthusiastic and positive, and eventually your husband will see the rewards.

Good luck!
Diane

 

[chefmary]

Lindsay:

What can I say? Men: you can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em!!

Through five years of PC and a move from one state to another, my husband has gone through ups and downs in terms of his support, but I do let him know how my income from PC contributes to the HH. Just as an example, we are taking a vacation in August, with 2 nights in Disney paid for with my Gift Certificate from last year. Our spending money is from money saved from my commissions. Without that, we'd be hard pressed to do this! So, keep track of what your business is doing for your family and make sure your DH is aware of your contributions!

Keep your chin up!

 

[chef_lindsay]

I am so glad I found this sight. After reading all your messages, I am wondering if my husband was cloned. lol. Anyway, I feel like if I cant get the support at home I have you guys to help me through the tough times. I have read your messages about a million times, and each time I get a little bit more of a boost. THANK YOU. You are making me feel more comfortable and not so down in the dumps. THANKS GUYS!! What a great "family" we have within this sight.

Lindsay

 

[PamperedGinger]

Lindsay...I'm glad you are feeling more positive. We are all here to support each other. Anytime you need support or a lift, just post here. That is what friends are for.

 

[Admin Greg]

With being a man myself I find it disgusting to hear when other men cling on to the old fashioned idea that they are the ones who bring the bread and meat to the table and the women tend to the kids. This happens often times to the expense of their partner who in this new age has every opportunity and right to contribute financially and live life how they want to. The problem I see is that it sounds like you really enjoy doing PC, it's not really a job for you, its a hobby, but maybe your husband just thinks it's a job and that you're trying to invade his outdated ideaology of how a partnership works. Absolutely do not give up, your husband initially gave you support, but that was likely because he thought you'd give up soon or that you weren't serious and now that he sees you are, he is scared. Don't step back, you are fighting for what women have been fighting for, for the last hundred years, equal rights!! You are in a 1 to 1 relationship, he is not some king and you some peasant girl.

Everyone here is giving you reasons to help justify your hobby to your husband and maybe that will work, but I think it's a shame when you have to persuade your husband to give you permission to do something you enjoy once or twice a week. Shame on him! Ok, sorry, but I feel very strongly about this. Don't give up! It's your life, just as much as his! I think you both need to have a good talk and get everything oin the table and show him you are serious about persuing your passions.

Now, this is all in my non-expert opinion and you should seek professional help if it comes to that.

 

[Mackailey]

I too am a stay at home mom. I've been in your shoes. My husband is currently being mr scrooge about the whole pc thing. All he sees are $$$ adding up w/no return. VERY negative saying things like "you don't know anybody" "you probably won't get anybody to host shows" ect.. But being that I have a rather "stubborn" side.. I look at him roll my eyes and say "arent we just a little smarty pants" He knows I do what I want and all he can do is sit back and enjoy the ride. And for 'watching' the kids? I tell him.. your a parent you DON'T babysit..I don't even ask him.. I tell him.. I'm going shopping, I'm going into town.. LOL.. I agree with the other posts, he will in time become more supportive. Even though my huband seems negative right now, he's been telling people i'm doing it.. So he's 'catching on'

 

[janel kelly]

Lindsay,
I can imagine it must be frustrating if your husband isn't as supportive as you had hoped he would be of your PC business. I know it was important to me that my husband (being a marketing major) supported me wanting to do PC and thinking it was a good idea. Hopefully with time he will realize how important it is to you and how much you enjoy doing PC. Let us know anytime you need that extra support or a quick word of encouragement.

 

[DebbieSM]

Amen Angie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I feel the same way. The husband is also the father, not a BABYSITTER. We should not have to ask for permission to do things. I am not a stay at home mom, aside from PC I also have a full time job. I will be the first one to tell you, I applaud everyone who is a stay at home mom or dad because that is the MOST stressful job of all. I've been off work for 5 days now and I am about to loose my sanity, can't wait to go back to work. Don't let your husband belittle you because you do not provide the main income. I'll bet when you leave the house without the kids, when you get home he'll say something like "Thank God Your Home." I get this and I have a full time job and PC. I stopped asking and started telling when I have things scheduled. Good Luck and keep your chin up. And when you talk to him do not let him get the upperhand in the conversation.

Good Luck again,
Debbie

 

[Jodi Burmeister]

I agree with all the supportive posts.... and I really feel for people that want to be successful in this business and find out the biggest obstacles are friends and family....what a shame when you can't lean on the people you care about the most. I get incredibly annoyed when I hear a grown man refer to "having to babysit" his own children! Come on now! I mean really, is it even possible? I read a statistic recently about how most children will spend more time in front of the tv by the time they are 5 - than they will spending time alone with their fathers their entire lives. It isn't going to hurt most fathers to have some quality time alone with their children on a regular basis, and more importantly, it is their responsibility.

Props to Greg for not defending inappropriate behavior from another male simply because of his gender. I love that!

 

[PamperedGinger]

It's not only husbands who are obstacles. My sister would never do a show for me and I could not understand why. Once I finally cornered her on the topic, she felt it was contributing to my weight problem. HELLO! If anything, I eat LESS when I'm working. I never eat at shows and I'm not hungry after I make all that food.

Anyway, my feelings were really hurt. I got over it and realize it was just an excuse.

My point, family can sometimes be the hardest to get to be supportive.

 

[pamperedkay]

I agree with all of you. My husband was very unsure of me doing this when I started. After I went to my 1st conference and came home so excited, things seemed to change. By the way did I mention I won the shopping spree at conference??? When all that stuff arrived he thought, Hey she got all this for FREE. Once I set my goals for earning the free stuff each time a promotion came up he seemed to understand more, its better to earn it than buy it.
Has your cluster ever had a husband night? We have done this several times. It gives the guys a chance to see what we do at our meeting and shows them how their support is important to us. Kinda makes them feel wanted too and like we're not putting PC ahead of them. The guys had a blast at our last one. We had a BBQ, had games involving the tools, had the guys prepare a recipe. You'd be suprised how some of the guys came around, and how much they knew about PC. You might try it and see what happens. Its worth a try!!

 

[janel kelly]

What a cool idea Kay. Do you guys bring the kids too or do you have to find a sitter? I should bring this up to my director some time.

 

[Mackailey]

Ginger!! GET OUT!! ARe you kidding she really told you that?? Thats horrible! Im sorry you had to have that happen to you. sounds like something my father in law would say. I personally think that when people don't support you it really sets you up for failure. They put obsicles in your way every step. Forums like this are a fantastic way to meet people who will always support you, always be by your side and always give you a pat on back. Thats one reason I have to say Im very blessed to have found this site. Today is my birthday and i asked my husband for a birthday present if I could get a pc website 'from him' for a present. he agreed. So its a step closer. He literally doesnt want me to spend a cent on this business only because he himself was in the marketing club in college and knows the failure rate of many direct marketing companies (and had to TELL me this) So he automatically assumes Im going to fail.. and we all know what you do when you ass-u-me.. I'm so stubborn, when somebody tells me "You can't" or "you won't"..You bet I'll be walking on that stage in conference next year to prove to all those who through hurdles in my path, that I'm a pretty high jumper

 

[Yvonne]

Husband's who'd have them!I also think it's sad when Dad's think of looking after their own children as "babysitting". My daughter is 13 now and doesn't need looking after. When I was out on a Friday night doing a show recently, rather than cook for her, my husband took her and two of her friends out for an Italian meal! He said if he can't go out with a 39 year old he would take out #3 13 year olds instead - they had a great time (his math is bad because I am 43 now!) But having said that, he is still not that supportive of PC. He is not too bad when I am out doing shows, but resents the Clusters and is not at all happy about Conference with it taking up Friday and Saturday - even though he is away on "business" for the next 3 days playing golf, and then when he comes back he will be out all day Saturday and Sunday off-roading!
He likes using the stoneware though. My advice to any and all consultants is to look to your fellow consultants for support - they are a great bunch!

 

[pamperedkay]

What a cool idea Kay. Do you guys bring the kids too or do you have to find a sitter? I should bring this up to my director some time.

You can do it either way. We have had times where it is just the spouses and once with the kids. The kids really think its cool to brag on Mom. They all feel like they are part of it then.

 

[pamperedbecky]

Doris' book!!!!Hi everyone,
I just re-read all these posts after just getting back from Conference...which was awesome by the way!!! One focus of the conference was the book launch for Doris' book The Pampered Chef: The Story of One of America's Most Beloved Companies. I ordered two copies of it and will likely get more just as a recruiting tool. I'm SO excited to have my parents and my husband read this book. NOt to mention ME since I haven't read it yet.

I think ALL husbands (and ANY unsupportive person) should read the book. It tells an amazing story of how Doris started this company with $3000 and never looked back! She never invested another cent into it besides the first investment. I think this book will open your husbands' eyes to what a great company this is. Right off the bat, I'm sure some people will assume that she wrote to book to earn even more money. Not at all! She wrote this book for US, the consultants, because it can help us share the excitement (and the genious) behind Pampered Chef. For those of you who don't know who Warren Buffett is (who owns Berkshire Hathaway, our parent company), he is the 2nd richest and most successful businessman in the nation. He wrote the forward to this book because he has been so impressed with the company. You can count on ONE hand the number of books and businesses he's done this for! For any business person out there and anyone familiar with any successful business, they'll know who Warren Buffett is.

Consultants can purchase Doris Christopher's book for a discount through a couple websites, which I'm sure you'll hear all about soon. Buy a copy (or two or three to have on hand!) and read it yourself, then have your unsupportive husbands read it. My husband is already very supportive, but he wants to read the book. If they still feel the same way about Pampered Chef (and that it's one of those typical marketing nightmares), then.....well I won't even go there and use any bad language.

Don't get me wrong, the business does take work to make it successful because you won't promote to a higher level with just sitting around and doing the minimum, but the nice thing is you don't HAVE to if you don't WANT to. There are plenty of people in this to be entry level consultants, get free products, earn a nice paycheck and build some personal and professional confidence. And it's FUN! I think people who have FUN and enjoy what they do are happier people. In turn, you have happier moms, happier wives, happier sisters, happier workers and happier people.

Anyway, my point is (I know I'm rambling) is check out the book when you get a copy and encourage those around you who think you're wasting your time to read it so they understand this billion dollar company and the woman behind it a little better. Good luck with all those saboteurs!!!

 

[monica_sweetconsultant]

Hi Lindsey,

I just wanted to add my support to your business. I am also new (ss3). My husband is great. I tried to back out of the agreement the night of my show and he wouldnt let me. anytime i get upset or discouraged he boosts me up. but the rest of my family doesnt giveme support. my family is very religious and they feel like i am doing wrong by having a job of any sort. it doesnt matter that i am a stay at home mom during the day and i work at night while the kids are with daddy. and my whole family goes to the shows with me. all i can say is if you truly love TPC and think that you can be successful then do it. when your husband sees the rewards andthe change in you he will start supporting you. or htink of it like this....if the car breaks down and he doesnt have enough to cover it you can help out with your commission checks!! thats all i wanted to do in my family. just help with the bills and buy the kids some extra's every now and then. just dont give up yet. keep at it and see what happens. i have seen on here before people saying give it 6 months. then see what happens.hope i helped to encourage you some.
MOnica Sweet