Rough Day, All I Want to Do Is Cry...

[sslangley]

Today is 4 years since we lost our son. He was stillborn at 27 weeks. DH and I both took off to be together today. We spent some time together at the grave, just mostly spent the day together at home. It's so hard. I tell myself every year will get easier but it sure doesn't feel like it. It hurts just as much as the day it happened.

I just wanted to share, I've been a little down all day. I guess it's to be expected.

 

[Chefgirl2]

I can't imagine losing a child. My prayers are with you tonight.

 

[DebbieJ]

(((hugs)))

 

[dannyzmom]

Today is 4 years since we lost our son. He was stillborn at 27 weeks. DH and I both took off to be together today. We spent some time together at the grave, just mostly spent the day together at home. It's so hard. I tell myself every year will get easier but it sure doesn't feel like it. It hurts just as much as the day it happened.

I just wanted to share, I've been a little down all day. I guess it's to be expected.

I am SO sorry. I know there are no words that will take the pain away so please, just know I am thinking of you today and sending you a big ole cyber-hug.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Oh, Lord...I don't even know what to say! I can't even imagine how hard that must have been for both of you, and still is! I pray that God will bring peace to both of you through this. I am sure that the pain won't ever go totally away, but I certainly pray that it would begin to lessen for you. I am sure the anniversary is a hard reminder that makes you think back over all of the events. I am glad that your hubby stayed home with you- you both need each other to face this tragedy together...and I hope that through it you will become even closer to one another.

Wish there were something I could do for you!
{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs and Prayers}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

 

[pcchris]

You're in my thoughts...hang in there. It's okay to be sad. One day at a time is all you can do. warm fuzzies to you from Wisconsin. I'm so very sorry for your loss.

 

[pckelly]

I am very sorry for your loss too! But you CAN still smile knowing you WILL see him again, as he waits for you in heaven!! Have peace knowing that! Be blessed!

 

[sslangley]

I am very sorry for your loss too! But you CAN still smile knowing you WILL see him again, as he waits for you in heaven!! Have peace knowing that! Be blessed!

You're absolutely right. I know I will see him again. That is what helps me get through every day.

Thanks ladies, you all are so sweet.

 

[Paige Dixon]

So so sad. No words are right, but we all feel for you.

 

[Morvin]

(((hugs))) for you and (((hugs))) for you DH


Heather

 

[soccermama]

{{{{{hugs for you}}}}} My little sister lost a baby a few years ago. stillborn at 30 weeks I wrote a poem for the memorial service that I know brought some comfort to her. Anyway... you have your own personal angel now...

 

[jrstephens]

I have said a prayer for God to comfort you and your family.

 

[bbauman07]

Today is 4 years since we lost our son. He was stillborn at 27 weeks. DH and I both took off to be together today. We spent some time together at the grave, just mostly spent the day together at home. It's so hard. I tell myself every year will get easier but it sure doesn't feel like it. It hurts just as much as the day it happened.

I just wanted to share, I've been a little down all day. I guess it's to be expected.

I know how you feel. I had twins almost 2 years ago, very complicated end of the pregnancy, long story short my girls were born at 32 weeks old, my eldest daughter was very ill with NEC, she died at 10 days old; After 2 surgeries and so many blood and platelet transfusions I lost count.

I struggle with this every day, some days are still hard to get out of bed.
I have a daily reminder; my other daughter, which makes it even harder to heal from. Having said that if you ever need to talk, I am here.

Do you go to any groups? It does help knowing people like us. Check out Compassionate friends, they are an awesome group. They have a candle light vigil every year around Christmas time, it is a world wide event so there are candles burning for an entire 24 hours to remember our angels.

 

[DebbieSAChef]

So sorryWe are here for you! I will keep you in my prayers, I can't even imagine what you are going through. I think this is the perfect time to just show you love and to let you know we care for you here at Chef Success. Thank you for sharing such a personal and tragic event in your life. We hope the best for you and your family. It's great to get away with your hubby to experience the pain together. We will also keep him in our prayers too. And it's ok to feel sad even though it's been 4 years, no one knows how hard it is to lose a child unless they have lost one themselves and people can grieve for many, many years. It's normal. Every year it might not get easier but there is hope of a reunion in the future!

Debbie

 

[TwinGirlsMom]

Much love & grace to you as you walk this out. {{{{hug}}}}

 

[mommyhugz1978]

I am so sorry .... I will keep you in my prayers to comfort you during this time....

 

[tlennhoff]

I'm so sorry. I'll keep you in my prayers.

 

[nikked]

Loosing a child is a horrible thing. For each person, grieving is different. Allow yourself to wholly go through the process, how YOU need to do it.

You are in my prayers during this time. I am glad that you and your DH are working through this time together with love.

 

[pamperedbecky]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sending hugs to you through the internet too.

 

[cbord]

Today is 4 years since we lost our son. He was stillborn at 27 weeks. DH and I both took off to be together today. We spent some time together at the grave, just mostly spent the day together at home. It's so hard. I tell myself every year will get easier but it sure doesn't feel like it. It hurts just as much as the day it happened.

I just wanted to share, I've been a little down all day. I guess it's to be expected.

I am a parent whose child died at age 4 1/2 due to a heart condition. My little angel has died in 1980. After Jason's death I went home to 2 babies under 3. They are what kept me sane and gave me the drive to get out of bed each day. Then after my nephew's death in 1998, I found a WONDERFUL GRIEF GROUP- The Compassionate Friends. They helped me cope with nephew, Eric's, death. Also cope with son's death and a siblings death. I love the group so much that I became a Chapter Leader for three years. Please visit their homepage on the web. They are a international non-profit group that helps millions of breaved parents.
This may help. By prayers and hugs to your entire family.

 

[sslangley]

I know how you feel. I had twins almost 2 years ago, very complicated end of the pregnancy, long story short my girls were born at 32 weeks old, my eldest daughter was very ill with NEC, she died at 10 days old; After 2 surgeries and so many blood and platelet transfusions I lost count.

I struggle with this every day, some days are still hard to get out of bed.
I have a daily reminder; my other daughter, which makes it even harder to heal from. Having said that if you ever need to talk, I am here.

Do you go to any groups? It does help knowing people like us. Check out Compassionate friends, they are an awesome group. They have a candle light vigil every year around Christmas time, it is a world wide event so there are candles burning for an entire 24 hours to remember our angels.

Hi Brooke,

I didn't know there was anyone else on this board that had been through the same experience. I am so sorry for your loss. You do know exactly how I feel. Be thankful that you do have another child. We had nothing. We can home from the hospital after having him with nothing. That was really hard.

But now, we are blessing with a beautiful little girl. She just turned 3. As soon as the doctor gave us the ok, we started trying again. We got pregnant immediately, just like the first time. We're lucky... I was due with my daughter the same week a year later. I begged the doctor not to make me be in the hospital the same week. We knew that time would be hard enough. Thankfully, I have wonderful doctors. I started having contractions on March 1st. They induced me on March 2nd. (After being hospitalized in early February for dehydration) We had a beautiful little girl on March 2nd.

The 1 year anniversary was the worst for us. We were happy to have our little girl but still sad to have lost him. And the thought of knowing, if we hadn't lost him we wouldn't have her. That is still hard to accept. But it makes us realize how much of a blessing she is to us.

I am involved in the still no more website. They push for recognition of stillbirths.

Thanks everyone for you thoughtfulness and prayers. It really means a lot to me.

 

[raebates]

My heart goes out to you and your family.

 

[BethCooks4U]

My prayers are with you too! My sister lost her daughter at 10 days. She would have been 16 this month. They still greive but it is very healthy.

They have moved several hours away but visit the grave when they can and hold her in their hearts all the time. Every year on her birthday they go out to dinner to celebrate her. They too have a constant reminder. My other sister had a little girl a few days after Stephanie was born.

I don't think it ever gets easier but it does soften. Allow yourself to have those moments and then live your life knowing that she's there with you even if you can't physically touch her.

 

[lacychef]

My thoughts are with your family. {{{hugs}}}

 

[bbauman07]

Hi Brooke,

I didn't know there was anyone else on this board that had been through the same experience. I am so sorry for your loss. You do know exactly how I feel. Be thankful that you do have another child. We had nothing. We can home from the hospital after having him with nothing. That was really hard.

I said the same thing to the girls doctor the day Kiley died, about how lucky we are to still have 1 child to bring home. If I didn't have Alissa I don't know what I would have done. I have always wondered what is worse, your situation, mine or losing a child when they are older. I hope I never find out though.


Did the hospital put together a "box" for you? The local hospital here put together the neatest box for us, (as well as parents like us) it has pictures of our last moments together, a mold of her hands and feet, a lock of her hair, her holy water,(we were lucky enough that they were able to keep her breathing until we and the hospital Chaplin were able to get there.)

When ever I have a really bad day I pull out the box, I look at her pictures and watch the few short films we have of her. It reminds me of how sick she was and that she is in a better place.

Maybe you could suggest it to your local hospital if they don't.

We knew she was going to die, her doctor and surgeons told us to call our family, and they were letting everyone who could handle her condition go in and see her. One of the hardest parts for me was telling my oldest son, who looked at me before I told him and said "Mom I saw Kiley this morning she is okay, I know she is in heaven" All that before I even opened my mouth.


I'm glad to hear that you have found a group for you and your family. I think you have found the perfect one for you. As I feel compassionate friends is the perfect fit for me.

Know that you and your family have been added to our daily prayers. And again if you ever need to talk I am here for you.

 

[bbauman07]

I am a parent whose child died at age 4 1/2 due to a heart condition. My little angel has died in 1980. After Jason's death I went home to 2 babies under 3. They are what kept me sane and gave me the drive to get out of bed each day. Then after my nephew's death in 1998, I found a WONDERFUL GRIEF GROUP- The Compassionate Friends. They helped me cope with nephew, Eric's, death. Also cope with son's death and a siblings death. I love the group so much that I became a Chapter Leader for three years. Please visit their homepage on the web. They are a international non-profit group that helps millions of breaved parents.
This may help. By prayers and hugs to your entire family.

As I said above I can't imagine how it must feel to lose a child after 4 years. It looks like we are part of the same amazing group. I'm sure you like me have some comfort in knowing your angel is no longer suffering.


They are angels, God had a bigger plan for our children.

 

[jenniferknapp]

My prayers are with you, and everyone else that has lost a child. It was one year ago, just the other day that my aunt had a stillborn pregnancy. The hospital gave her a small gold ring that Rosemary wore, and now my aunt keeps it on her necklace. The nurses also dressed her, and they got to spend some time with her, so they have pictures that they also pull out once in awhile to just remember those few hours that they had with her. My aunt is pregnant again, once the doctor gave her the okay...and she is due in August! They aren't going to let her go that long though, so they will induce in July, we are praying for a safe delivery for this bundle.

 

[PampMomof3]

My prayers are with you and your DH. Through your loving relationship it's great to see that you guys have made it together through this.

{{HUGS}}

 

[Teresa Lynn]

HUGS to you!
I will uplift you in my thoughts and prayers today.
Teresa

 

[sslangley]

Did the hospital put together a "box" for you? The local hospital here put together the neatest box for us, (as well as parents like us) it has pictures of our last moments together, a mold of her hands and feet, a lock of her hair, her holy water,(we were lucky enough that they were able to keep her breathing until we and the hospital Chaplin were able to get there.)

When ever I have a really bad day I pull out the box, I look at her pictures and watch the few short films we have of her. It reminds me of how sick she was and that she is in a better place.

Maybe you could suggest it to your local hospital if they don't.

We knew she was going to die, her doctor and surgeons told us to call our family, and they were letting everyone who could handle her condition go in and see her. One of the hardest parts for me was telling my oldest son, who looked at me before I told him and said "Mom I saw Kiley this morning she is okay, I know she is in heaven" All that before I even opened my mouth.


I'm glad to hear that you have found a group for you and your family. I think you have found the perfect one for you. As I feel compassionate friends is the perfect fit for me.

Know that you and your family have been added to our daily prayers. And again if you ever need to talk I am here for you.

The hospital did make up a box for us. It's so sweet. They took sea shells and had his hand and foot prints in them. We got the outfit he had on, his bonnet. They made little papers that said proud grandma, grandpa and aunt. The hospital was wonderful. We were able to hold him and spend as much time as we needed with him. That was nice. The only pictures we have are what the hospital took of him. I wish we had a picture of the three of us. I keep the box on my dresser. I have a wood chest that I keep a lot of keepsakes in, that were given to us. I had bought a stuffed lamb for him while I was pregnant, I keep that on my dresser too.

We have to remember they are in a better place. We will get to see and hold them again one day.

Thank you for your prayer. You and your family will be in my prayers too.

 

[sslangley]

My prayers are with you and your DH. Through your loving relationship it's great to see that you guys have made it together through this.

{{HUGS}}

My husband is my best friend. We were there for each other through everything. Our family was great too. But we leaned on each other more than anything else.

Thank you.

 

[quiverfull7]

May God continue to hold you close and comfort your hearts. Thank you also for sharing your heart... you may never know how the sharing that has happened on this thread may benefit others. God is using you for others. May His peace be yours.
Diane VS

 

[bbauman07]

sslangley,

I thought you might enjoy this poem, it was in my Compassionate friends newsletter that I got today.



Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing you from heaven, and though it must appear
a rather strange idea, I see everything from here.

I just popped in to visit your stores to find a card.
A card of love for my mother, As this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine,
except I could not find a card from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside.
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she's cried.

I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now I still love my mother so.

She talks with me and dreams with me; we still share laughter too.
Memories is our way of speaking now, would you see what you can do?

My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometime far into the night.

She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells.
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth,
I must find a way to remind her of her wondrous worth.
She needs to be honored, and remembered too,
Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you'll do your best.
I have done all I can do; to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her how much she means to me,
Until I can do it myself, when she joins me in eternity.

 

[sslangley]

sslangley,

I thought you might enjoy this poem, it was in my Compassionate friends newsletter that I got today.



Dear Mr. Hallmark,

I am writing you from heaven, and though it must appear
a rather strange idea, I see everything from here.

I just popped in to visit your stores to find a card.
A card of love for my mother, As this day for her is hard.

There must be some mistake I thought, every card you could imagine,
except I could not find a card from a child who lives in heaven.

She is still a mother too, no matter where I reside.
I had to leave, she understands, but oh the tears she's cried.

I thought that if I wrote you, that you would come to know
that though I live in heaven now I still love my mother so.

She talks with me and dreams with me; we still share laughter too.
Memories is our way of speaking now, would you see what you can do?

My mother carries me in her heart, her tears she hides from sight.
She writes poems to honor me, sometime far into the night.

She plants flowers in my garden, there my living memory dwells.
She writes to other grieving parents, trying to ease their pain as well.

So you see Mr. Hallmark, though I no longer live on earth,
I must find a way to remind her of her wondrous worth.
She needs to be honored, and remembered too,
Just as the children of earth will do.

Thank you Mr. Hallmark, I know you'll do your best.
I have done all I can do; to you I'll leave the rest.
Find a way to tell her how much she means to me,
Until I can do it myself, when she joins me in eternity.

That is great Brooke, thanks for sharing that with me.