Pre-K vs Kindergarten: Considering Holding Back My DD for Social Readiness

[Jules711]

My dd is in Pre-K right now and is doing well. However, she's the youngest in her class (Aug bday). The teacher asked about her staying in prek another year and I don't know what to do. She's academically ready. Her only concern is her social readiness. When they do something new, she's hesitant and doesn't want to do it. Or she thinks it okay to "be silly" (a term she uses whenever she isn't doing what you want). She's not bad or anything. She just gets distracted when they are eating. She kind of likes just watching the interactions of the other kids (some not so good ).

So...I guess I'm just looking to see if any of you have summer kids and kept them in prek 2 yrs or had them move on. Plus, I just needed to put this out there so that I can process how I feel as well.

I'm leaning towards letting her go to Kindergarten. After all, if it's just social, she can figure that out. She IS a good listener, she just likes to watch others and do her own thing. I worry that keeping her in the SAME class when she's ready academically is the wrong thing to do. Why stifle that, esp when some of the kids that probably will go on aren't as good with the alphabet and numbers? :yuck: :cry:

Thanks for "listening".

 

[wadesgirl]

I was a summer baby (end of August), I missed the deadline for Preschool by 1-2 days but they let me in anyway. I turned out fine! Well, that I know of.

Half the time they go too much by age and not the child themselves.

 

[ChefTess]

I think that the whole "social readiness" thing is a line of poo myself. I was told the same thing about my son when he was that age (he is now 13). He advanced to the next grades and has done just fine. Maybe (like my son) she is kinda "bored" because academically she knows her stuff. I believe that the social part will catch up with her, besides, having to make all new friends the next year isn't going to help her be more comfortable socially in my opinion...good luck with whatever you decide and I am sure she will be just fine in the end.

 

[Jules711]

I think her teacher is trying to go by HER, but is definitely paying attention b/c of age. She said that her maturity level is, of course, less than the other kids (who are pretty much ALL 6-12 months older than her!!). But should she repeat Pre-K or just jump into Kindergarten? The school I'm thinking of seems like extended Pre-K really with more academics. It's just so much pressure having to know what to do for my child (b/c even my husband hopes I just can decide). I don't know everything just b/c I'm the mom. Though...I have to admit, there IS something to mother's instinct. I'm waiting for it to kick it. I know I'll have to pray about it and wait for God to point me in the right direction.

 

[peichef]

As a former teacher here's my advice....Do take into account what the teacher says. She's seen enough kids to know who is ready & who will benefit by staying put.
That said, you're the mom & you know your child.
On the other hand, most research indicates that children who are a little older when they enter school find more success. This may be attributed to having more confidence & maturity. Plus, they have a few additional months of "life & experience" under their belts.
But there can be exceptions to the rule (both of my siblings & I were among the youngest in your grades & we all did very well in school. It varies, child to child.)Hope some of that helped- though I probably just confused the matter. As a parent, it's tough. You want your child to succeed. You don't want to do anything to "hold them back." (literally & figuratively)
Be as objective as possible & think about the long term benefits of both options. You'll make the right choice. Besides, she'll ultimately be / do fine, regardless of the choice you make.

 

[Jules711]

Thanks Tess. I'm wondering about the importance of social readiness too. I don't know if she's bored right now (worried she WILL be in later years). She's never been at daycare or anything so she just loves being with all of her friends. I don't think she gets the concept that it's actually school.

 

[reba515]

I would go ahead and send her to kindergarten, especially if you think shes ready academically.
My DS (5 yo) is a June baby so he had just turned 5 and he is doing great.
My other DS (10 YO) is a October baby so hes on the older side of the class and i'll tell ya he gets bored quite easily, he definitly was ready to start a year earlier.

My birthday is Aug. 30th and I did well in school too.

 

[Jules711]

As a former teacher here's my advice....

I appreciate this. I AM taking it into account. She IS a fairly new teacher AND doesn't see what happens at Kindergarten since it's not even the same building. I imagine that THEY have more to say about the matter. In fact, she mentioned that the K teachers were asking if they did keep kids another year.

However, I went to Junior High & HS in this district and they LIED to me about what was available for classes. I ended up take the SAME science class I'd JUST had the previous year (earth science...seriously...rocks...) and basic math vs Algebra! I was bored and actually did the teacher's job in the math class b/c he couldn't teach. I'd walk around the room helping the kids with their work. DUH! When I got to the high school and they put me in Pre-Algebra (which I'd had TWO years before), the teacher threw me into the CP Algebra class (not even regular) b/c I knew everything already.

So...you can see my concern with the district. She WILL be going to private school. Oh...and I was one of the youngest (May baby). I was MORE mature than most of my classmates, but then that comes from an imperfect childhood that helps you grow up fast.

 

[kspry]

Think about it some more, and whether you value that teacher's opinion.

Also think what it will be like for her when dating age rolls around...

I want my son to stay a kid as long as he can....only one shot at childhood.
That being said, I don't want to hold him back, either.

 

[wadesgirl]

If she is doing well academically, then why make her repeat what she is already doing well in? I was the youngest in my class, didn't turn 18 until my first week of college and I didn't have any issues with academics.

 

[pamperedpals]

I have been told that my DS is academically brilliant by all of this teachers, since he was in Kindergarten. He is now in 2nd grade. However, is lacks social skills. He will start acting silly and disrupts the class if he get's bored. It has been really hard for me, because intelectually he is reading at a 6-7 grade level and doing math at 7-8 grade level. He just recently tested for the "advanced program" for the district and the teachers have told me they will not recommend him for the program even if he does well on the test, which they told me they know he will, because of his social skills.

I have said all along he is acting out because he is bored, but no one will listen to me. Hopefully next year he will be in a completely different school district and things will be different.

However, as a Mom you need to follow what is in your heart and do what you think is right.

 

[etteluap70PC]

I will tell you what I was advised and what I have told friends who have also been in your shoes and were Very Stressed about this topic.

Register your DD for KG, and preschool if possible that way you will be ready just in case KG does not go well for the 1st few weeks. Here Preeschools fill very quickly and if you don't have a spot reserved you may not get in or have to go somewhere very spendy. You may loose a deposit at the preschool if KG goes well but it may give you peace of mind.

I had a very good friend who struggled with this all summer last year. Her DD is a mid Aug B-day. She had other friends telling her she should NOT send her DD to KG!!! She was so thankful to be able to chat with someone about options!

I say as others have.. Yes listen to the teacher but also you know your child best. My DD is a late July b-day. She would have been boored out of her skull if I had held her back. I do notice sometimes she has confidence issues in some situations but it is more personality than anything and I work with her to talk her thru it.

 

[Jules711]

Think about it some more, and whether you value that teacher's opinion.

Also think what it will be like for her when dating age rolls around...

I want my son to stay a kid as long as he can....only one shot at childhood.
That being said, I don't want to hold him back, either.

You've made me consider other issues. Do I want her graduating at 17? It seems SO young (of course, I look at 14 yr olds now and they seem older than I was when I graduated!).

Dating age. Which way do you think that should lean me? I hadn't considered that b/c...hello...she's a baby . But I'm thinking...hmm...so if she's the youngest in her class, she'll probably be dating boys in her class! If she's the oldest, she'll be jumping up a grade or two for dates. Okay...can't think about that stuff. Not yet!

I do value the teacher's opinion (I really like her) and I want my child to enjoy childhood as long as possible too, but I think that's more important as she gets older. Sheltering her from the world a bit since they seem to think it's okay for a 4 yr old to dress like a... well, not like any CHILD should dress.

I think that maturity comes from experiences, not age so much. I know a lot of people that are really immature even though they are much different in age. So keeping her again may give her confidence b/c she knows what will happen, but does that help with the next year when it's all SUPER new?

Thank you to everyone and there 2 cents. I REALLY appreciate being able to "talk" it out. I thought just picking a Kindergarten would be hard (and it is), but now this throws in another option. I just don't want them to be holding her back b/c it's easier for the teacher. It needs to be what's truly best for her.

 

[PCJenni]

My DD is 2. Her verbal skills are beyond most 4 year olds I know. She knows her entire alphabet (the letters and the sounds that each letter makes). She knows all her colors, shapes etc. She puts together very abstract images and ideas. I have a large candle holder that has a wrought iron design on it. She points to it and says "that's an eight". I start looking around and realize that indeed the design is an abstract figure 8 design.

I am a SAHM, but am starting her in a Montessori preschool at the end of next month for a few mornings a week. Other moms I know are looking down on me for doing it. But I, as her mom, feel I am doing the right thing. She needs the social interaction because she is very clingy and an only child. But she also needs the challenge of new places, new experiences and learning from other people not just me.

You need to follow your head, heart and gut. And hey, you can always change your mind too if things don't work out how you expect them to!

 

[PampChefJoy]

My DD is in kindergarten this year and is a May baby. She was actually not academically ready but her teacher worked with her alot to get her up to speed and to understand the way classroom etiquette works and stuff.

I think the teacher is key... do you know how much attention the teacher can give individually to each child?

 

[janetupnorth]

My opinions:1. Social readiness will really jump from now until Fall.
2. Kindergarten is different than pre-K.
3. If she is in Pre-K and doing fine academically move on. I think it is better to consider repeating K than Pre-K and you could make that decision then.
4. She may do better socially with a different teacher.
5. Although they have to compare with classmates at that age it is hard to tell. I'd personally hold a kid back for academics more than I ever would for "social readiness". I can see if she had NO schooling to start but you are using pre-k to get her ready.
6. Does she go to S.S./AWANA? All of those are other "classroom-type" settings that will prepare her with different groups of kids.P.S. I am a July 29th B-day and made it into "my grade" being the youngest. I did more than fine and they even wanted to have me skip a grade but my parents held me where I was. I'm sure by today's standards things would be different, but I excelled. Hence why I tend to focus on academic progress more so than social progress. My daughter struggles with immature peers which make her focus a struggle sometimes but academically she is way beyond them. So we talk through each "social struggle" all the time.

 

[wadesgirl]

You've made me consider other issues. Do I want her graduating at 17? It seems SO young (of course, I look at 14 yr olds now and they seem older than I was when I graduated!).

Dating age. Which way do you think that should lean me? I hadn't considered that b/c...hello...she's a baby . But I'm thinking...hmm...so if she's the youngest in her class, she'll probably be dating boys in her class! If she's the oldest, she'll be jumping up a grade or two for dates. Okay...can't think about that stuff. Not yet!

I do value the teacher's opinion (I really like her) and I want my child to enjoy childhood as long as possible too, but I think that's more important as she gets older. Sheltering her from the world a bit since they seem to think it's okay for a 4 yr old to dress like a... well, not like any CHILD should dress.

I think that maturity comes from experiences, not age so much. I know a lot of people that are really immature even though they are much different in age. So keeping her again may give her confidence b/c she knows what will happen, but does that help with the next year when it's all SUPER new?

Thank you to everyone and there 2 cents. I REALLY appreciate being able to "talk" it out. I thought just picking a Kindergarten would be hard (and it is), but now this throws in another option. I just don't want them to be holding her back b/c it's easier for the teacher. It needs to be what's truly best for her.

Like mentioned above, I was the youngest in my class and I never dated boys in my class, they were too immature. Always went for the older ones! Not that you want to hear that. DH is 11 years older than me but I never dated that older in HS.

 

[janetupnorth]

Like mentioned above, I was the youngest in my class and I never dated boys in my class, they were too immature. Always went for the older ones! Not that you want to hear that. DH is 11 years older than me but I never dated that older in HS.

Boys were always too immature for me...didn't date until I was 19 and he was 23!

 

[janetupnorth]

Boys were always too immature for me...didn't date until I was 19 and he was 23!

P.S. Refused to marry him until he was 30 'cause it still took him that long to grow up!

 

[PCJenni]

oh lucky you that your actually grew up in his 30's... mine.. not so much! ha ha ha

 

[wadesgirl]

Boys were always too immature for me...didn't date until I was 19 and he was 23!

Even with the 11 year age difference I still am way more mature than DH.

 

[nicki25]

My DD has a late Aug. birthday and when she was getting ready to go to school I based it all on her. I know that if we had held her back another year she would have been bored out of her mind. Now, saying that when she was in preschool the first year she NEVER talked to her teachers. She would use another student who was her friend to tell the teachers what she wanted then to know. The 2nd year of preschool she started talking to them a little bit. I was worried about sendng her to Kindergarted but then I knew she was ready for "real schoo". She would figure out the social part of it.
She is now in 1st grade and is doing great in all her school work. She is reading at the mid way through 2nd grade reading level. She is still not the most outspoken in the classroom especially when they do stuff as a group. But she will talk with the teacher and she is very social with the other kids in her class. I don't ever regret my decision for a minute.

 

[lkprescott]

My son is a June baby and well, our school has a habit of discriminating against male summer born kids for Kindergarten. He went in though at age 5 and while his Kindergarten teacher complained about his 'silliness' we knew that wasn't age related but personality related. She wanted to hold him back but we knew a challenge is what would keep him on track so the school relented but with support *shrug* so he went into 1st with Title 1 support and ended up (now in 6th grade) reading above his age level and yes, he's still silly but now he's had teachers who appreciate his humor and this teacher even related that his sense of humor is above his peer's too... so much for thinking he wouldn't make it.

Now with DD she missed the cut off this year by...13 days... we attempted 'early entry' as we felt she was ready and alas, she didn't make it... she tested well but it's the 'maturity' thing that rears it's ugly head so now she'll be fully 18 her senior year and by the time she graduates, nearly 19.... *sigh*... she's not going to get mature dealing with younger kids in her pre-k class... she's a mimic... she'd have been much better off with older kids and the challenge of Kindergarten. She has a cousin that's 5 weeks older and is in Kindergarten... she wasn't nearly as academically ready as DD was and yet, thanks to her b'day, she went to school... I even used the argument with the administration that it's silly to think that had my daughter been premature in birth that it wouldn't have been an issue, she would have been admitted...

We do what we can at home and she's learned to tie her shoes and knows all she'll need to know for Kindergarten academically, telling time analog and digital and things like that. She'll have the same teacher as DS and know it'll be a fight.. she's just not a happy person and tends to prejudge kids and well, 1st grade the teachers are much better... alas, she's the only Kindergarten teacher in our school and yes, she makes all the parents' eyes roll. LOL.. so, we'll muddle through with all her 'observations' but let me tell you this:

YOU are your child's first teacher and best advocate. Only you will know your child best and what they're personally capable of. You are able to discern maturity vs personality vs capability and while some teachers will say they spend the majority of the day with your child, you have spent the majority of your child's life with them and that always trumps.

 

[lkprescott]

BTW, I was a late summer baby too (early Sept)... I was 4 when I started Kindergarten... nobody worried about 'maturity' or anything back then... my bff was 4 months younger than me and the youngest in our class and still she did great too... I find it interesting that kids are so much different these days to need to be more 'mature'... uh.. their kids. And while Kindergarten in some ways now resembles 1st grade, it's still Kindergarten... and by the time 2nd grade rolls around it's the same curriculum as when I was a kid... they still do multiplication in 3rd... state history in 4th... and nothing has changed elsewhere so why this thinking that holding kids back is helpful is beyond me, unless it's to do with these danged state tests... I'm always the conspiracy theorist though. LOL...

 

[wadesgirl]

My nephew and his best friend have been seperated just because the best friend is 6 months older and was able to start preschool earlier. Hopefully they can still be good friends with the difference.

 

[janetupnorth]

My nephew and his best friend have been seperated just because the best friend is 6 months older and was able to start preschool earlier. Hopefully they can still be good friends with the difference.

My best friend and I were NEVER in the same classroom throughout school (we had 3 classes per grade). It never deterred us. We didn't miss a single birthday from age 5 to 30...after that the miles finally got to us and family. Now we see each other about every couple years.

 

[wadesgirl]

My best friend and I were NEVER in the same classroom throughout school (we had 3 classes per grade). It never deterred us. We didn't miss a single birthday from age 5 to 30...after that the miles finally got to us and family. Now we see each other about every couple years.

Glad to hear that. I know they still play all the time together. My sister has her hands full with my nephew being her only boy. Kid is crazy and active! My best friend in elementary actually got held back in 1st grade other wise would probably would have never even known each other.

 

[erinb]

Both of my kiddos are May babies and have done just fine. They have both been above the expectation levels. I, on the other hand, started Kindergarten when I was 4 (my b-day is in Oct. and I made the deadline by 2 days) and I did fine. I was only 17 when I graduated high school, but my age (being the baby of the class) didn't make a difference.

 

[KellyTheChef]

I agree with Janet...sending her to K now is not that big of a deal. Especially since she is academically ready. If she really struggles socially in K, you can have her repeat K.

I graduated HS at 17 (July 29 bd like Janet!!) and there was actually a boy who was younger than me!! I think his BD was in June or the beginning of July) and I never felt out of place. I was definately more mature than most kids my age...even the ones who were a year older than me!!

 

[pamperedalf]

Okay another teacher's point of view.If she is ready with academics I say send her. The social skills will come eventually. I would not stress over this, it was a suggestion. Now I would also hold off on saying anything to the kinder teacher for a few months and wait to see what her/his observations are. Now if for some reason she is not ready for first grade I would hold her back in Kinder. As a teacher I try not to hold students back, but I go on academics first then social behavior. When I first started working in Kinder, going through the credential program. There was a boy who was not ready academics & socially. His b-day was mid July, & his mom said no. Later on at a different school I was job sharing w/ a 3rd grade and this student is on our list(he should have been 4th). It turns out he had to repeat 3rd grade (which was a lot harder socially on him in 3rd grade than it would have been in kinder).I have a friend now w/ a son who is 3rd & has struggled in all areas academics, socially & now his teacher wants to hold him back. My friend doesn't want to hold him back because how it will effect him & is willing to let him to struggle w/ academics because he's struggled all his school career. (this is not to scare you, just stay aware)

 

[KellyTheChef]

Okay another teacher's point of view.

If she is accademics ready I say send her. The social skills will come eventually. I would not stress over this, it was a suggestion. Now I would also hold off on saying anything to the kinder teacher for a few months and wait to see what her/his observations are. Now if for some reason she is not ready for first grade I would hold her back in Kinder.

As a teacher I try not to hold students back, but I go on academics first then social behavior. When I first started working in Kinder, going through the credential program. There was a boy who was not ready academics & socially. His b-day was mid July, & his mom said no. Later on at a different school I was job sharing w/ a 3rd grade and this student is on our list(he should have been 4th). It turns out he had to repeat 3rd grade (which was a lot harder socially on him in 3rd grade than it would have been in kinder).

I have a friend now w/ a son who is 3rd & has struggled in all areas academics, socially & now his teacher wants to hold him back. She doesn't want to hold him back because how it will effect him & is willing to let him to struggle w/ academics because he's struggled all his school career. (this is not to scare you, just stay aware)

Amanda...my brother went through this! He struggled and struggled through school. They wanted to hold him back in 1st grade, but my dad said no...he thought that my mom was just "babying" him since he was the youngest. Then....all the way in FIFTH GRADE they had to hold him back! He didn't like school to begin with, since he was having such a hard time academically, and then since they waited way too long to hold him back, he was totally scarred emotionally and hated school even more from that point on!

Anyhow...this situation is different! You still have time to see how she adjusts to k-garten and you can decide from there!

 

[wadesgirl]

Okay another teacher's point of view.

If she is ready with academics I say send her. The social skills will come eventually. I would not stress over this, it was a suggestion. Now I would also hold off on saying anything to the kinder teacher for a few months and wait to see what her/his observations are. Now if for some reason she is not ready for first grade I would hold her back in Kinder.

As a teacher I try not to hold students back, but I go on academics first then social behavior. When I first started working in Kinder, going through the credential program. There was a boy who was not ready academics & socially. His b-day was mid July, & his mom said no. Later on at a different school I was job sharing w/ a 3rd grade and this student is on our list(he should have been 4th). It turns out he had to repeat 3rd grade (which was a lot harder socially on him in 3rd grade than it would have been in kinder).

I have a friend now w/ a son who is 3rd & has struggled in all areas academics, socially & now his teacher wants to hold him back. My friend doesn't want to hold him back because how it will effect him & is willing to let him to struggle w/ academics because he's struggled all his school career. (this is not to scare you, just stay aware)

I totally agree on this! We had two kids in my first grade class that were repeats. The teachers told them and us that they were staying behind to help us new first graders get used to being in first grade (kindergarten was only half day). We were young enough to believe it but I think any older, kids realize why you get held back and teasing is not very nice.

 

[hperschnick]

My bday is Sept 1 and that was the cutoff when I was to start school. My parents started me the next year so I was always the oldest in the class. I was very immature socially though SUPER shy (something that didn't change until I was in college and experienced a life altering event...). If your DD hasn't been around other kids that is probably part of the immaturity and should adjust itself as she gets used to the interractions. You know your DD and what is best and as others have said... you can always hold her back in K if you see that she needs it. Pre-K is just practice so they can adjust to the schedule of school. If she is ready acadademically she may be very bored doing it all over again.

Good luck!

 

[dianevill]

Is there a way you can take your daughter to kindergarten for a day, NOW, just to give her the experience and see how she handles it? You mentioned she'll be going to a private school. Do you know who her teacher would be? Talk to her and get HER opinion.

My daughter is an August child and I wasn't sure what to do back when she was that age, so I did as I advised above. She went to the school and sat in for the morning. The teacher said she was more than ready, so we let her go. She's doing just fine...

 

[Shawnna]

As an early childhood teacher and the daughter of a teacher I would not hold her back if she is academically ready. If she does well on the Kindergarten entry "test" she will be fine. You can't judge now how mature she will be 6 months from now. At that age they are growing and changing daily.

When I went to school the cut-off was Nov. 1st and my birthday is Oct 28th so I was the youngest in my class. My parents worked with me a lot at home, so I was reading before Kindergarten. I was the Valedictorian of my class. The Salutatorian was the second youngest in our class - Oct. 15th birthday. But, kids are expected to know so much these days. They are pushed too hard. What they learn in "HeadStart" is what they used to learn in Kindergarten and now they can have 2 years of HeadStart, then Pre-K, and then Kindergarten.

I have 2 children who are spring babies, so they are the oldest in their classes. They will both turn 18 just before graduating. My youngest is an Oct. baby, so he had to wait an extra year before going to school because of the Sept. 1 cutoff. Instead of daycare, he went to "HeadStart" for 2 years. The second year he was bored out of his mind. Then he went to Pre-K and Kindergarten and still struggles with being bored on a daily basis. He is in the 6th grade. Most kids have tons of homework, but he rarely has any. He is in the top of his class, but he is also a lot older than they are.

Every child is different. You are the best judge for your daughter. So, my suggestion is to send her to Kindergarten. I can almost bet by the time Kindergarten is over she will be on the same maturity level as the others. Kindergarten teachers should expect some silliness...these are young children.

 

[heather223]

I acutally dealt with this and my son last year. He was in a pre-k/ daycare and has a Sept. 27 birthday. I was having issues with him at daycare (behavior) and we had him tested as special needs thinking that that may be the cause of his behavior issues. He wasn't special needs, but actually bored and not challenged at Pre-k/ daycare. We decided that it was best to give Kindergarten a try. The princpal at his school and the K teacher that he would have tested him and said yes it was ok to enroll him, but that he was socially not mature but they would deal with it. We did struggle most of the year (Josh was very very often the lowest scoring student), but we also came to find out my son is ADHD. I told his K teacher that worse case if he didn't socially catch up by the end of K we would have him repeat. She looked at me like I was stupid and said in my 20 years of teaching I have never had a student repeat for that reason! It was a very rough year with this teacher, but so worth it. Well long story short Josh not only passed K but moved on to 1st grade and is not having any issues this year. It was so nice to go to conference and have his teacher say that he was doing better than most of her students!

Give it a try and worse case your child may have to repeat. They catch up when you least expect it! :chef:

 

[chefbritt]

BTW, I was a late summer baby too (early Sept)... I was 4 when I started Kindergarten... nobody worried about 'maturity' or anything back then... my bff was 4 months younger than me and the youngest in our class and still she did great too... I find it interesting that kids are so much different these days to need to be more 'mature'... uh.. their kids. And while Kindergarten in some ways now resembles 1st grade, it's still Kindergarten... and by the time 2nd grade rolls around it's the same curriculum as when I was a kid... they still do multiplication in 3rd... state history in 4th... and nothing has changed elsewhere so why tthis hinking that holding kids back is helpful is beyond me, unless it's to do with these danged state tests... I'm always the conspiracy theorist though. LOL...

There's definitely some truth to this. Testing has put a lot of pressure on schools, and what used to be first grade work is now done in kindergarten. I don't necessarily think it gives them any advantage, because by upper elementary they seem to be back on the level they always have been. I work at a school that was designated as "in need of improvement" by No Child Left Behind. The changes that I've seen as a result amaze me, and I wouldn't say they're all good changes. I cringe every time I see a first grader getting lectured because "You only scored a 13 on your --- test, and you need to be at a 26 by now. You need to start working harder." They put pressure on these kids to do better, because they're receiving the pressure from administrators, who are getting it from the school board, and the state. The kids don't understand what the numbers or the tests mean, and pressuring them isn't effective. The whole situation is very frustrating for me.

Anyways, as for the original poster, I agree with the others that said that academic readiness is much more important than social readiness. I could see the argument that if she is unable to sit still and focus on her work, than that could be a problem, but if they mean socially in terms of just interacting with the other children, that will come with time, regardless of which class she is in. If you think she's ready to move on to kindergarten, I would send her. I would also look for opportunities for her to interact with other kids her age outside of school, whether its girl scouts or a play group or just play dates with cousins or friends. You know your DD better than anyone else, so trust your instincts, and she'll be fine.

 

[heather223]

There's definitely some truth to this. Testing has put a lot of pressure on schools, and what used to be first grade work is now done in kindergarten. I don't necessarily think it gives them any advantage, because by upper elementary they seem to be back on the level they always have been. I work at a school that was designated as "in need of improvement" by No Child Left Behind. The changes that I've seen as a result amaze me, and I wouldn't say they're all good changes. I cringe every time I see a first grader getting lectured because "You only scored a 13 on your --- test, and you need to be at a 26 by now. You need to start working harder." They put pressure on these kids to do better, because they're receiving the pressure from administrators, who are getting it from the school board, and the state. The kids don't understand what the numbers or the tests mean, and pressuring them isn't effective. The whole situation is very frustrating for me.

I am currently going to college to get my teaching license and I just did an essay on the No Child Left Behind Act. I supported this act before I did this essay. I no longer support it. I read articles and books supporting both sides of this and I was astonished at what the law really does to schools. All I heard from my son's kindergarten teacher last year was he only scored this on this test and that isn't good enough!! Not only does it put stress on the teacher, it puts stress on the students and the students are not learning some of the more essential skills they need to! JMHO.:chef:

 

[daniellemorgan]

I'm a late September baby and I know my parents struggled with putting me in early (age 4) so they had me "tested" (whatever that means) and I apparently was off the charts brilliant, so they put me in early. I'm not sure if socially I was stunted, but I do remember being terribly bored. I'm not sure if you guys remember the "Babysitter's Club" books, but I was reading those in 1st grade. Nowadays kids can't even write their names in 1st grade. Anyways, I think I was too smart for school, so I shut down. I stopped trying and just sat there. I probably should have gone to a target school that specialized in something other than general education. My mother says now looking back that she agrees. Just watch out for signs of boredom and not caring because if you catch it early I'm sure it can be counteracted. I would put her in now because think how bored she would be if you waited a year! Good luck with whatever you decide!Oh and No Child Left Behind is a bunch of crap. Thought I would add that.

 

[SilverCeladon]

My son could go to K this year but I'm holding him back until 2009. What's a year and it could only benefit him.

 

[urbnk8]

Most of the people that I know that have started their kids in kindergarten early have wished that they would have waited another year. They just seem to be more successful when they are a little more ready.

 

[janetupnorth]

Most of the people that I know that have started their kids in kindergarten early have wished that they would have waited another year. They just seem to be more successful when they are a little more ready.

If it is kindergarten "early" vs. "on-time".

Deadlines on birthdays used to be much later in the year.

I don't think an August or September birthday to turn 5 is early, especially if they had preschool and are academically ready.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I've read reports that say that for boys especially, it is often better to delay kindergarten until they are older......



Just throwing that out there - I really think it depends on the child.

 

[Jules711]

Thank you!!WOW! Thank you to everyone for giving me your opinions. I've been gone since my last post and just read through everything. I REALLY appreciate it.

The teacher is great. I really like her and she's been super with keeping me informed (what can I say...I'm an involved parent). She's only in pre-k for about 2.5 hours everyday and it's public school. While she has never had daycare or other organized socialization, she talks to everyone. She has talked to her teacher and the kids everyday updating them on new shoes and what she did over the weekend from day one.

In that way, I don't see HOW social issues are an issue. She wasn't good at listening and changing tasks (she likes to completely finish what she's doing). I talked to her and she did fine after that. She wasn't participating in their "greeting time" so I talked to her so she does it. From what I understand, she DOESN'T like to do the new stuff right away. Like new greetings or songs. But she likes to do them right I think and does get a little shy when she's unsure. Hello...ME TOO!!

Today, when I picked her up they kids were just finding out that they didn't have time for the gym. Two kids starting crying. They cry when gym time is over too. My question is...are THEY automatically going on to K? B/c I would think that is an issue too? Kids throw their shoes and bags all over when they get to school. My DD doesn't do that, but she'd rather talk to people and see what they are doing and share with them. If someone hurts her, she tells them and if they don't say anything she asks them to say sorry. Then, if she tells the teacher, she tells her "but it's okay b/c he didn't mean it". She is an awesome kid. She prays for every hurt and sees God in everything. But I'm her mom and I just want to make sure I'm seeing her through clear eyes.

Again...thank you to everyone. You are truly awesome to share and I know that you'll support me in what I do.

 

[KellyTheChef]

Jules...you have gotten a lot of input here, but I can tell by your posts that your heart is in the right place. Keep this situation in prayer and God will lead you in the direction that is best for your DD!

 

[tvwalsh72]

Well I can speak as a mom and a 1st grade teacher. It is my belief that all August and September babies should be held out (we have a Sept 30 cutoff). 90% of all the August and September children I've had over the last 14 years could have used an extra year. If teachers are doing their job, your daughter will NEVER be board. With differentiated instruction, all children should be retaught or enriched according to need. This year, I have a child practicing Pre-K and K skills to a group of 3 children almost a year ahead with most skills. If you walked into my room you would be instantly be able to pick out the youngest children.

As a mom, I have a child with a Sept 17 birthday. In NH, the law reads that all children need to be in a full day program by age 6. My son will be 4 when entering K, which is against my educational beliefs! I'm told I can hold him out of K (which is not manditory in NH), but he will be placed in 1st grade the following year.

I've been researching this within my school so I'll be able to present the facts to the school board when the time comes. I actually want to start something at the state level to get our cutoff to at least Aug 31 so that children will at least begin school at age 5.

Everyone who has taken my advice has come back to thank me! Of course you have to do what you think is right for your child, but keeping my child out is what I'll be doing.

Best wishes!

 

[janetupnorth]

I've read reports that say that for boys especially, it is often better to delay kindergarten until they are older......



Just throwing that out there - I really think it depends on the child.

There are always "exceptions" and each parent noticed their child best, but I've noticed that when younger girls seem to do better earlier and socially than the boys.

Of course in my family DS is proving to be the exception. He just turned 4 in December so he has a whole complete year before kindergarten. He wants to be in school SOOOO bad!

 

[Paula R. Lewis]

Jules, I have 3 children. The first two are July babies, the third April. The oldest is a girl, the other are boys.
When Jessica was 3, she would actually sit, in the carseat, and as we drove along, would practice learning how to say the pledge of allegiance!! (really cute, too, how she'd pronounce some of those words!) She really WANTED to learn it, too! So, when our kindergarten "decision" time came, we sent her, no questions asked. She did just fine.

When David came along, however, I had my doubts. My husband said that we weren't holding him back, because we didn't hold Jessica back. (like that should make it right, huh?) We had him tested, both at the pre-school as well as the kindergarten. He passed, and we sent him. However, he really did struggle with school for awhile. We finally enrolled him in Sylvan in the summer. I think he went about 72 total hours. It helped him alot, and he is now a Senior. Of course, I still think he would've benefited by holding him back a year, but the extra tutoring helped.
Our third, Garrett, is considered "gifted", as well as ADHD, as the two seem to go hand in hand. He's our little "Dennis the Menace", and is, well, in a category all by himself...<grin>

As for the comment about dating, etc... Where Jessica and David are concerned, I found it to be a positive that they were younger. The older kids were getting their driver's license first. I was able to sit back and watch them see their friends getting speeding tickets, etc....I think it helped, in the long run!!

Anyway, bottom line is this...you'll get lots of opinions. But ultimately, God gave you instincts. Pray, and follow them! They are there for a reason. I agree with sending your daughter, if you honestly think she's ready. If it turns out that you're wrong, so what? It's only Kindergarten and is very easy to repeat!!

Blessings,
Paula

 

[Jules711]

Kelly, thank you for your support and kind words.

Tricia, my dd will be 5 when she starts K if that's what we do (you mentioned your son would be 4). You said that you believe almost all Aug/Sept kids should be held back. Is this based on their academic abilities? Or social (as is supposed to be my dd's case)? I want her to be where she belongs. Where she will flourish. If new things take awhile for her to get used to, is it best to keep it the same or is it better to just continue letting her grow and figure out the new stuff. I think I'll just keep an eye on it over the next couple months and talk to her about doing the new things.

 

[tvwalsh72]

Tricia, my dd will be 5 when she starts K if that's what we do (you mentioned your son would be 4). You said that you believe almost all Aug/Sept kids should be held back. Is this based on their academic abilities? Or social (as is supposed to be my dd's case)?

I feel that for most children it is social. It always feels like they are one step behind, even if they are academically ready. I kept this little boy back last year, I felt like he was so smart, he was socially appropriate with other children as well. He just couldn't handle "school social skills or self help skills":dressing and undressing (capable but wanted me to do everything), routines (when I say get ready to go home - that means a lot - pack bookbag, empty mailbox, pack backpack, get dressed, put up chair etc. . .) He is sooooo successful this year, he is not that much above the other children because was so unfocused last year he had a lot of holes in his learning.

I'm not one to believe in retention, I would prefer that parents would be given the gift to make the choice to hold out younger so social relationships can develop. This is what I would like for my son.

I read earlier someone complain that schools expect too much from children at a young age. She was absolutly right, but I have no choice, I have to do my job the way administration tells me to. We have to make certain benchmarks or else the feds take much needed money away. So K is the new first grade, children are leaving K reading and writing.

Like I said before, ultimately it is your decision, follow your gut. My daughter (May baby) will be going to K next year and she is sooooo ready, she can even do somethings better than my first graders. Remember, this has no reflection on you as a mom, you're a good mom to be doing your research and making an educated decision. If you ever need any more advice or support, just PM me.

My cousin registered her son last year for K and Pre-k in May and put off her decision till July. You also said that she'd be going to private school. Another option is to send her to public school K then put her in private school K afterward. Also consider if the program will be 1/2 day or full day. Full days are hard on first graders for the first few months of school.

Sorry I could go on and on with this subject - it is very close to my heart. Good luck!