Prayers for My Sons as They Cope with Tragic Loss

[chellb1234]

My ex-husband passed away by taking his own life within the last couple of days. I am going to be telling my boys Isaac age 9 and Alex age 6 tomorrow. Please spread your prayers for them and their future without their favorite person.

This is going to be the most difficult thing i think i will ever have to do.

 

[Oracle]

Good thoughts and prayers for you and your family.

 

[kristina16marie]

oh my goodness...((praying)) for your sweet boys.

 

[nikked]

Praying for you and your family...

 

[cookscorner]

Definitely praying for you and your family.

 

[Shawnna]

Oh, so sorry to hear that. Praying for you and the boys.

 

[terimayo]

I read this early this morning before church. In this mornings sermon, our pastor was talking about the security of the believer and he shared this analogy and I thought of you. "When having to tell this mans 2 young children about their mothers passing, he was driving in his car when a large semi truck pulled along side and completely blocked out the sun from shining on the car. The shadow had completely covered the car. He asked his kids, would you rather get run over by a truck, or by the trucks shadow? They said that's easy, the trucks shadow. It wouldn't hurt at all. Remember, Yeah though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death......well your mom is on the other side of that shadow now.... No pain no suffereing." As believers we dont have to fear the semi... just rest in the shadow... " I do not know if this would help or not, but It spoke to me and It just made me think of you. : )T

 

[[email protected]]

Abundant prayers for you and your family.....

 

[carlajanes]

praying for you and yours......

 

[priseortega]

Praying for you all!

 

[chellb1234]

Thank you all...
Sitting them down to tell them was very hard. my youngest couldn't quite grasp it and I still don't think he does. My oldest is dealing with it his own way, and i hate to pry but i don't want him to feel he is alone in his thoughts and confusion...
a long road is ahead of us...

 

[smart2cook]

So long as you are there for them and keep their father alive for them, talk about the good times and how he is always with them in their hearts forever-as they grow, I pray for all of you.
I am so sorry.

 

[Sheila]

I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you to break that news to them. Big (((hugs))) to all of you. You are right, this will be a long hard road for all of you. Just like foster children being taken from the parents they love, it's important that you help them to remember the good times. He was their Daddy. He'll always be their Daddy and to them, he probably walked on water. Just try to put aside whatever issues you two had that caused the divorce & look back to the time when you were in love & having those babies. I have friends who have lost babies and they say that their biggest fear is that people forget. Don't ever forget. My hubby's in Japan and the kids & I are living in TX. We'd rather be with him, but the health risks from the Fukushima power plant are just not something that he & I are willing to take with our little ones. Although he's not gone completely, it's still tough on the kids not being able to see & touch their Daddy when they want. My daughter is 4 and my son turns 3 in a few days. They really don't grasp the concept of WHY he's not here. What I do to keep their Daddy "here" is that I've put a photo in her room of her & her Daddy & one in his room of him & Daddy. We talk about Daddy constantly! When they mention that they miss Daddy, I give them big hugs & admit that I miss him too. I think those things will help your boys too. Remembering fun times, talking about him any time of the day, etc. will help them to feel like they are allowed to miss him & help them realize that they are allowed to speak up when they are sad.Death is such a sad part of life. Suicide is even more devastating and unfair for the ones left behind. Even if you feel anger towards your ex for what he's done, it's important that you not vocalize that discontent to your boys or in front of them. Try to be strong and give them the encouragement to remember what they loved most about him. As they grow older, they'll draw their own conclusions on his final decision and hopefully realize how hurtful that decision was to the ones left behind and choose to never follow in his footsteps.

 

[Dina Atnip]

(((HUGS)))) to you and prayers for the family.

 

[wadesgirl]

Make sure to remind your son that you are there for him and will listen when he needs it but remember to just ask him once in a while what he's thinking and if there's anything on his mind. He might not come to you but may talk when you ask him. Lots of prayers for your family now!One thing to think of in the near future - we lost our mom last summer and she had a dress that was picked out to wear to a few weddings during the same time. My sister had that dress made into 4 bears for us and our brothers. It's something I will always cherish. Maybe find something that means something to the boys (a favorite shirt, blanket, what ever!) and have it made into a pillow or something similar that they can always have their dad with them. Since they are so young, maybe make doubles just in case the first one doesn't hold up to all the years that will pass!

 

[sherri lynn]

My prayers are with you and your family...
I agree with what Sheila said about not ever forgetting. My significant other and I had stillborn twins 3 years ago and that is my greatest fear, that people will forget them. May God bless you and your family at this very difficult time...

 

[Emmah]

I am praying for you and your boys.
Sometimes boys especially talk best/share best during or after an activity such as playing a game/playing basketball/taking a walk/cooking.
It may be good to incorporate a few different activities together to give them the space to talk when they are ready.Thinking of you.

 

[esavvymom]

Maybe at some point, get some alone time with your oldest- taking him out for a milkshake or something, so that you have an opportunity to talk, chat, etc. not necessarily prod about his feelings, just talk, and listen. "Read between the lines". He may not want to do that in front of his little brother- trying to put on a brave face maybe. But I can see that would be what my oldest would do.or even snuggling up at night for some one-on-one time with a book and you.

 

[chellb1234]

Maybe at some point, get some alone time with your oldest- taking him out for a milkshake or something, so that you have an opportunity to talk, chat, etc. not necessarily prod about his feelings, just talk, and listen. "Read between the lines". He may not want to do that in front of his little brother- trying to put on a brave face maybe. But I can see that would be what my oldest would do.

or even snuggling up at night for some one-on-one time with a book and you.

This is a very good idea...i did this tonight when i put them to bed. And i think it helped a lot.

on another note,
I've never once spoken ill of their father to them during or after the divorce, my thoughts about him don't matter to a child. its their dad, they loved him and always will.
I don't know how he spoke of me to them (i have a feeling it all wasn't great just from how they acted after coming back home from over there) so that will be my biggest struggle...letting them know that they can talk to me about Dad. I've let my oldest Isaac know that he can come to me about anything at all, whether it be a question, a concern, or remembering a great time he had with his Dad. I want to hear about all of them.
My youngest Alex has had questions at random times, and some are easy to answer, some are difficult.

Thank you all for your thoughts and inputs...they have helped me cope with this difficult time.

 

[Geekgirl69]

More prayers and positive thoughts for you. I don't have any words of wisdom to add to what's already been said but you definitely have another set of ears/hugs if you need them from me.

 

[byrd1956]

prayers going out

 

[chellb1234]

Thank you.
The funeral was yesterday and quite frankly, the emotions ran very high and lot of them were confusing for me. (because he is my ex, and i did still love him in one form, and for the anger i had that he left his most precious gifts he gave me)
My oldest finally did cry, and he hasn't really said anything quite yet. My youngest still is asking Lots of questions, and bless his heart my oldest answers a lot of them....
Just today my youngest asked if daddy was still dead and after i told him yes, he asked "for how much longer?" Isaac, my oldest told him "Forever Alex, and i know that is hard to understand, but one day, we will all be together again"
he is wise beyond his 9 years of life, and it's not fair that he does understand it.
I'm angry, sad, overwhelmed, and probably a little misunderstood. I'm sure these are all normal feelings after a loss this way, but darn it; I shouldn't have to be feeling these feelings...i was JUST getting use to the feelings i had after the divorce. Its only been final and year and a half...
Sorry, Just need to vent a little and its nice to vent by typing than expressing feelings to a live person just now...maybe i'll be able to next week, maybe in a month, but right now...i just can't.

 

[pampchefrhondab]

I'm so sorry for you and your boys. Even though it's not the same, I lost my Grandpa when I was almost 5 (by about 2 weeks). It is hard to understand at that age. I remember going to the funeral and coming home and asking my parents when I would see Grandpa again. My Mom explained to me never on earth and how he was in heaven.Not sure how you feel about this, but one thing that helped me was she said I could talk to him - kinda like praying. He couldn't answer, but he would hear me because he was in heaven with God. I would talk to him after my nightly prayers as I lay in bed before going to sleep. It gave me much comfort and I felt his presence still in my life.I'm praying for you and your boys.

 

[AMS111290]

My dad took his own life when I was only 7. It is definitely hard to grasp at that age, but I didn't fully understand for a few years. Praying for you and your boys.