thechefofnorthbend
- 1,129
Good to have Fortune Cookie Papers...
Once you enter the world of parenthood,
you'll only be as happy as your saddest child.
-- Dr. Phil McGraw
Fads decimate individuality.
Stereotypes are by-products of a simple minded society.
--
Life is like a game of poker, sometimes you have the cards, sometimes you don't.
--
Life Guide: Don't jerk people around, do it smoothly!
--
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a Diet Coke.
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
-- Bumper Stickers
You cannot be lost if you did not know where you where headed for when you started out.
Tomorrow may yet come, but today will never come again.
There is no future for those who live in the past.
If you do not say what you feel, who will?
The effect may remain long after the cause in gone.
When two share the same pain, they are one.
Letting go is hard to do, yet there are times when it is what must be done.
--
A man isn't known by what he has, but by what he does with what he has.
If you have the urge to be somebody else, then you obviously arent being yourself.
If I handed everyone in the world a pennie everytime I said something stupid, I'd be twice as broke as I was before.
When the time comes, be patient. but, till then, wait for that time to come.
--
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Your "real" friends love you anyway.
-- THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by Dave Barry
Well-behaved men seldom make history.
-- Bumper Sticker
Nothing's wrong with whining if your friend enjoys it too and both of you as experts know when to take a cue!
The Rhyming Dictionary is best friend to a poet like me, but friend to every poet the Thesaurus ought to be.
If I could live my life again, I would not go back if all my memories were not still intact.
Life is a luck of the draw to which you previously agreed.
My life is so ironic that I'm happy when I'm sad.
Thank me and I'll remember you forever; Ignore me, and eventually I'll go away.
If every day were Christmas . . . what would become of Halloween?
Poetry is a lovely way to voice disappointment.
--
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live...
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us...
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once...
Most nudists are people you don't want to see naked...
If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip...
--
Never is almost as meaningless a word as Forever.
The first war was fought with clubs, and stones, the only thing that has really changed is that today the clubs are fully automatic, and the stones have nuclear warheads.
To write with feeling requres more than just pen and paper.
No less than all you have, is what you need to get to where you want to be.
It seems you never hear the truth from those you should hear it from.
Some never find what they set out looking for, but sometimes they find things of much more value.
--
Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art.
--
Real love is the steadfast, slow-growing, everyday love, that lasts while forever maintaining its mystery, and slipping through the fingers of those who ineptly grope for understanding.
--
All my heart hides is all I can reveal.
--
It is a fool who says," can I ask one more question?" to a man with no answers.
--
Understanding that you know nothing, is the key of great knowledge.
--
Old hags know more of life than young princesses.
--
Good advice from loving parents, on which you didn't act may be the very same advice your son just snickered at.
One man's junk is another's treasure, this I know for fact. But since it looks so lovely in your home, I want it back!
--
Love is like a roller coaster...you can only get off in one piece when it is at the bottom.
--
Why is there never time to do it right, but always time to do it over?
--
A single tear can flood the heart.
--
Success is like flying a plane; flying is easy, getting off the ground is the hard part.
--
A wise man is simply a foolish one who remembered most of the lessons life taught him.
To walk in somebody else's footsteps means you will leave no impression on the earth.
--
Maturity is a disillusioning burden to be met only with disdain and regret.
--
Most spend far more time in the pursuit of what they want, than what they need.
Fate favors only a few, if you are one, you are lucky!
The hands of the clock, with every trip around its face, wipe out all that was, and bring us to what is.
One of the great mysteries of life is how we can care so much about some, and so little about others.
A circle of lies can be broken only by the truth at its center.
The only fire hotter than those of hell, is the fire of passion.
If you need a reason to treat others fairly, try this one: it is the right thing to do.
--
The greatest attribute of being a writer is kindling a small flame from within the soul; and through the pen, a raging inferno of imagination springs forth.
--
Why is it that a man's greatness is so recognized in death and taken for granted in life?
--
Life is like a dream you never want to fall asleep on.
--
Love is a universe for all emotions at the peak of their most beautiful intensions.
Touch my heart and you've touched my future.
--
Many men have followed their intellect and gained much, but the man who ignores his heart regrets even more.
--
If you don't care where you are going, any road will take you there.
--
Youth is nature's most highly curable condition!
--
You never stop loving them, you just learn to live without them!
--
I've shed an ocean of tears, and still I can't sail away on my dreams.
--
Shoot for the moon -- even if you miss you'll still be among the stars!
--
Some people do what they think they should do, some people do what they think they have to do. Some people do what they want to do, some people don't know what they are doing and some people do nothing.
--
First you must believe...in order to achieve!
--
We are all cut from the same cloth, but we are not all washed in the same water.
The worse things seem to happen at night, but then, so do the best things.
There are those who do not know the power of just their smile.
But for love, life would be hell.
The lost cannot be found if no one looks for them.
Why do good dreams end, while bad ones seem to last forever?
--
Painting the town red only leads to large dry cleaning bills.
Loving thy neighbour only leads to village gossip.
--
The only thing worse than being in love, is not being in love.
Those who hear not the song of life may walk among the living, but they are dead already.
If you ask, you may not like the answer, but if you do not, you may find not knowing harder to live with.
There are things you just cannot run away from, for they are in your heart, and they always will be.
Within a smile is all the joy of life, and within a tear all the sorrow of the world.
If you believe you could face death, then surely you can face life.
To a writer, words are the body and ink is the blood.
If you get a second chance take it, for third ones come very rarely.
Have a fabulous Birthday!!!
--
Once you enter the world of parenthood,
you'll only be as happy as your saddest child.
-- Dr. Phil McGraw
Fads decimate individuality.
Stereotypes are by-products of a simple minded society.
--
Life is like a game of poker, sometimes you have the cards, sometimes you don't.
--
Life Guide: Don't jerk people around, do it smoothly!
--
Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a Diet Coke.
Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
Only in America......do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
-- Bumper Stickers
You cannot be lost if you did not know where you where headed for when you started out.
Tomorrow may yet come, but today will never come again.
There is no future for those who live in the past.
If you do not say what you feel, who will?
The effect may remain long after the cause in gone.
When two share the same pain, they are one.
Letting go is hard to do, yet there are times when it is what must be done.
--
A man isn't known by what he has, but by what he does with what he has.
If you have the urge to be somebody else, then you obviously arent being yourself.
If I handed everyone in the world a pennie everytime I said something stupid, I'd be twice as broke as I was before.
When the time comes, be patient. but, till then, wait for that time to come.
--
Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
You should not confuse your career with your life.
No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.
Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
Never lick a steak knife.
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
Your "real" friends love you anyway.
-- THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME 50 YEARS TO LEARN
by Dave Barry
Well-behaved men seldom make history.
-- Bumper Sticker
Nothing's wrong with whining if your friend enjoys it too and both of you as experts know when to take a cue!
The Rhyming Dictionary is best friend to a poet like me, but friend to every poet the Thesaurus ought to be.
If I could live my life again, I would not go back if all my memories were not still intact.
Life is a luck of the draw to which you previously agreed.
My life is so ironic that I'm happy when I'm sad.
Thank me and I'll remember you forever; Ignore me, and eventually I'll go away.
If every day were Christmas . . . what would become of Halloween?
Poetry is a lovely way to voice disappointment.
--
The more you complain, the longer God makes you live...
The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us...
Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once...
Most nudists are people you don't want to see naked...
If you look like your passport photo, you probably need the trip...
--
Never is almost as meaningless a word as Forever.
The first war was fought with clubs, and stones, the only thing that has really changed is that today the clubs are fully automatic, and the stones have nuclear warheads.
To write with feeling requres more than just pen and paper.
No less than all you have, is what you need to get to where you want to be.
It seems you never hear the truth from those you should hear it from.
Some never find what they set out looking for, but sometimes they find things of much more value.
--
Youth is the gift of nature, but age is a work of art.
--
Real love is the steadfast, slow-growing, everyday love, that lasts while forever maintaining its mystery, and slipping through the fingers of those who ineptly grope for understanding.
--
All my heart hides is all I can reveal.
--
It is a fool who says," can I ask one more question?" to a man with no answers.
--
Understanding that you know nothing, is the key of great knowledge.
--
Old hags know more of life than young princesses.
--
Good advice from loving parents, on which you didn't act may be the very same advice your son just snickered at.
One man's junk is another's treasure, this I know for fact. But since it looks so lovely in your home, I want it back!
--
Love is like a roller coaster...you can only get off in one piece when it is at the bottom.
--
Why is there never time to do it right, but always time to do it over?
--
A single tear can flood the heart.
--
Success is like flying a plane; flying is easy, getting off the ground is the hard part.
--
A wise man is simply a foolish one who remembered most of the lessons life taught him.
To walk in somebody else's footsteps means you will leave no impression on the earth.
--
Maturity is a disillusioning burden to be met only with disdain and regret.
--
Most spend far more time in the pursuit of what they want, than what they need.
Fate favors only a few, if you are one, you are lucky!
The hands of the clock, with every trip around its face, wipe out all that was, and bring us to what is.
One of the great mysteries of life is how we can care so much about some, and so little about others.
A circle of lies can be broken only by the truth at its center.
The only fire hotter than those of hell, is the fire of passion.
If you need a reason to treat others fairly, try this one: it is the right thing to do.
--
The greatest attribute of being a writer is kindling a small flame from within the soul; and through the pen, a raging inferno of imagination springs forth.
--
Why is it that a man's greatness is so recognized in death and taken for granted in life?
--
Life is like a dream you never want to fall asleep on.
--
Love is a universe for all emotions at the peak of their most beautiful intensions.
Touch my heart and you've touched my future.
--
Many men have followed their intellect and gained much, but the man who ignores his heart regrets even more.
--
If you don't care where you are going, any road will take you there.
--
Youth is nature's most highly curable condition!
--
You never stop loving them, you just learn to live without them!
--
I've shed an ocean of tears, and still I can't sail away on my dreams.
--
Shoot for the moon -- even if you miss you'll still be among the stars!
--
Some people do what they think they should do, some people do what they think they have to do. Some people do what they want to do, some people don't know what they are doing and some people do nothing.
--
First you must believe...in order to achieve!
--
We are all cut from the same cloth, but we are not all washed in the same water.
The worse things seem to happen at night, but then, so do the best things.
There are those who do not know the power of just their smile.
But for love, life would be hell.
The lost cannot be found if no one looks for them.
Why do good dreams end, while bad ones seem to last forever?
--
Painting the town red only leads to large dry cleaning bills.
Loving thy neighbour only leads to village gossip.
--
The only thing worse than being in love, is not being in love.
Those who hear not the song of life may walk among the living, but they are dead already.
If you ask, you may not like the answer, but if you do not, you may find not knowing harder to live with.
There are things you just cannot run away from, for they are in your heart, and they always will be.
Within a smile is all the joy of life, and within a tear all the sorrow of the world.
If you believe you could face death, then surely you can face life.
To a writer, words are the body and ink is the blood.
If you get a second chance take it, for third ones come very rarely.
Have a fabulous Birthday!!!
--
