Finding My Identity: Struggling with the Empty Nest Syndrome

[krzymomof4]

I was so excited to have time for myself for the first time in 14 years, now I can't quit bawling!!!
I sent the youngest to his first day of school. The oldest started his first day as a freshman.
I am sitting here wondering what in the world I am going to do with myself!! I know that it is sad that I don't know who I am without being "mommy".
DH wants me to go out and get a "real" job:cry::cry:
I was right on board with the whole my kids are making me nuts, but now I can't get that stupid Trace Atkins song out of my head.

 

[laurichef]

I hear ya!! (although not sure which song) Letting that last one go is so hard. You are still mommy, so prepare yourself for tonite when they all get home and go nuts again. Bake some cookies, take a walk, breathe....

I am counting the days until mine go back to school, but I know I will be walking in circles for the first week.

Relax, PC is a real job. Now you have time to kick it up a notch. Pamper some businesses, get together w/ other moms, book some more shows. You'll be fine. DH will be thanking you in Miami...

 

[erinb]

I'm feeling it too. I just dropped mine off for the first day back. I was a mess last year when my youngest started Kindergarten, I felt so lost. I do a lot of volunteer work at the school now and have joined the PTA Board this year. I'm at the school at least two days a week and it has helped me tremendously! The first couple of weeks are the worst because they spend that time getting everything situated so I don't have volunteer work to do.
It gets easier.

 

[AmieCream]

not to hijack, but I thought you really hated trace atkins...He's my favorite! haha

 

[peichef]

Leslie
I am sooo with you My youngest starts school in 21 days & I am not even close to being emotionally ready to send her. I've only been home 7 yrs, I feel just like you, so I can't imagine how I'd bee feeling if I'd been home for 14 yrs.
And -- nay I add -- I am sooooooo sick of everyone asking me if I'm going back to work, too. Simple answer... no I am not. I was a teacher, but my twin DS need me to be home to help them with their homework.

 

[chefdiana2007]

I watched my youngest son walk into high school last week, for the 1st day of his JR. year. It made me sad and teary. My oldest is 24, and I know these last 2 years are going to fly by.....

 

[jrstephens]

I am so dreading next year when Luke goes to school.

That song makes me sad just thinking of how quick time with my children has flown and knowing it will just go by quicker.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Okay - now you guys are getting me all emotional.

I just have my one 4 yr old DS - and this week he informed me that he doesn't need to be rocked and sung with at night anymore. It just about broke my heart. Since he was first born I have rocked him at night, sung to him and prayed with him before putting him to bed....now he just climbs up into his bed.:cry:

This summer especially, he has become such a little man, and no longer my baby. It makes me sad sometimes.

 

[krzymomof4]

The tornadoes have returned.....
How many hours until school session tomorrow???
Joking.....kindof

 

[sklay723]

I usually have my kids' dvd playing in my car, and when they're not with me I rely on my iPod since I don't like radio commercials...but I recently heard that song on the radio and just about cried a river! What a great song to remind us that time really does fly. There are moments when I wonder how I'll get through the toddler years, but then I stop and remind myself that they don't last long and the kids will be growing up too fast. Thanks for a reminder...I'll spend extra time cuddling them tonight!!!

 

[Jess_K]

just thought I'd throw it out there. it's Trace Adkins Atkins is the diet..

 

[chefmeg]

Leslie
I am sooo with you My youngest starts school in 21 days & I am not even close to being emotionally ready to send her. I've only been home 7 yrs, I feel just like you, so I can't imagine how I'd bee feeling if I'd been home for 14 yrs.
And -- nay I add -- I am sooooooo sick of everyone asking me if I'm going back to work, too. Simple answer... no I am not. I was a teacher, but my twin DS need me to be home to help them with their homework.

when I left hospital work (I was a Lab Tech for 20+ years) all of my co-workers told me "you'll be back when the kids get in school"............um, hello....isn't that when I really should be home????? I remember being a
"latch-key kid" and I do not want that to be my kids!

 

[gbakes27]

I was a latch-key kid and i have to tell you - i was jealous of all those other kids whose Mom's were there after school BUT I thnk kids these days need to learn more responsibility and we coddle them too much. I see it in the workforce. I have gobe through so many employees over the last 10 yrs and learned all about their personal upbringings. The best workers are those who had to fend for thmselves a little! Make THEM make the milk and cookies while YOU make your cc calls . Don't get me wrong - hug them , kiss them and ask about their day... I still tuck my daughter in every night and she would LOVE it if I read to her every night (she is almost 13). I know I am lucky in that respect. I only have one child and she still 'loves me' LOL - ok - I am definitely getting that 'teen- tude' now and then.

 

[JAE]

Okay - now you guys are getting me all emotional.

I just have my one 4 yr old DS - and this week he informed me that he doesn't need to be rocked and sung with at night anymore. It just about broke my heart. Since he was first born I have rocked him at night, sung to him and prayed with him before putting him to bed....now he just climbs up into his bed.:cry:

This summer especially, he has become such a little man, and no longer my baby. It makes me sad sometimes.

Okay, Becky, tell Micah that my boys still like to cuddle and sit on my lap and they are almost 13 and 11. Just last week I rocked Micah when he wouldn't come to you because it was time to leave. He still likes it.

As for the rest of this thread, I have not cried or been sad that my kids go back to school....ever. Since my oldest started 4th grade I do dislike school starting because the homework is insane and we argue a lot about that. But no sadness.

I do go through a funk when school starts because I don't always know what to do with myself. I always think, during the day when it's peaceful at home, "what do I want to be when I grow up?" Or I think about how school starting means winter is getting closer and I very much dislike winter. This summer has been pretty good and I haven't once wished for school to start because it is very stressful at our house during the school year.

Anyway, I'm sorry for your sadness. I sympathize but can't empathize.

 

[IAmChefJ]

I used to hate Trace. I like him much better post-rehab.

My daughter (6th grade) is freaking out because I'm going to walk her down to the bus tomorrow. She's never been in public school until this year, never had to ride a bus to school, she'd better darn well believe I'm going to meet her bus driver. She's lucky I didn't walk her in holding her hand this year!

Hmph! Kids nowadays.

 

[Ann F]

OK. What's the name of the song??? I want to know what to listen for! Of course, I'll have to change radio stations...

 

[sklay723]

OK. What's the name of the song??? I want to know what to listen for! Of course, I'll have to change radio stations...

"You're Gonna Miss This"
I just did a search online for the lyrics, but the words in type just don't do the song justice. Listen to it if you get the chance!

She was staring out the window of their SUV
Complaning, saying "I can't wait to turn 18"
She said "I'll make my own money, and I'll make my own rules"
Mamma put the car in park out there in front of the school
Then she kissed her head and said "I was just like you"

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Before she knows it she's a brand new bride
In a one-bedroom apartment, and her daddy stops by
He tells her "It's a nice place"
She says "It'll do for now"
Starts talking about babies and buying a house
Daddy shakes his head and says "Baby, just slow down"

Cause you're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this

Five years later there's a plumber workin' on the water heater
Dog's barkin', phone's ringin'
One kid's cryin', one kid's screamin'
And she keeps apologizin'
He says "They don't bother me.
I've got 2 babies of my own.
One's 36, one's 23.
Huh, it's hard to believe, but...

You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this"

 

[Stephaniecafe]

Okay. I've never heard the song, but just reading the words made me cry. Just took my youngest to kindergarten yesterday. Went home and cried, because I missed him. I will have to adopt the rest of my babies so it has been especially hard knowing it will be a while before more get here. The "get a real job" hasn't kicked in with my DH, because he has always conscidered what I want as what was most important. You know some parents say "Why don't you grow up?" to their kids... and someday they will. I was a latch key kid. I fended for myself. I grew up fast. Had to. But, I also knew some kids who had a mom at home who didn't appreciate their kids and the time they had with them. It can go both ways. You can appreciate life while you live it... every every minute. Or not. I personally will miss the cars in the bathtub and the oatmeal kisses and the screen door slamming. I will giving out extra cuddles today too! Thanks for posting the words to the song.

 

[chefmeg]

I was a latch-key kid and i have to tell you - i was jealous of all those other kids whose Mom's were there after school BUT I thnk kids these days need to learn more responsibility and we coddle them too much. I see it in the workforce. I have gobe through so many employees over the last 10 yrs and learned all about their personal upbringings. The best workers are those who had to fend for thmselves a little! Make THEM make the milk and cookies while YOU make your cc calls . Don't get me wrong - hug them , kiss them and ask about their day... I still tuck my daughter in every night and she would LOVE it if I read to her every night (she is almost 13). I know I am lucky in that respect. I only have one child and she still 'loves me' LOL - ok - I am definitely getting that 'teen- tude' now and then.

so agree with you! The reason I don't want my kids to come home to an empty house is twofold~
when I was 11-12, my Mom was a single parent who had to work to support us. Everyday I had to come home and let myself in and call her at work....

can you imagine, being that age and having SO much to share with your Mom and her having to say "wait until I get home, honey, I can't talk right now"??

on the flipside of that, can you imagine being my Mom, in that the wait for me to call was an eternity and then having to tell me "wait until I get home, honey, I can't talk right now"??

I never thought that I would feel this way about being here for my kids, but I do and I don't apologize to anyone for that (esp. my former employer)
My kids have plenty of responsibility for the very reason that I want to teach them that they will have to work for a living and earn what respect they get. Manners are a top priority as I never want to hear from anyone that my kids don't respect others...which is what I think a lack of manners shows.

 

[missyciccolella]

I'm totally highjacking...I met Trace several years ago. I stand at almost 5'4" (I know I should be a basketball player), and he towered me. I mean it seemed like he was alomst 2' taller than me. I'm used to looking up at people, but he made feel like a little kid.
He also got his start at a bar just down from my parents house. It is a total dive (I assume it still there) but I loved going there!

Bringing it back on topic...that songs always puts my kids in perspective for me. It also reminds me of my dad who always told me "I'd wish my life away" everytime I groaned about it only being Monday morning. Time is so precious.

 

[Stephaniecafe]

so agree with you! The reason I don't want my kids to come home to an empty house is twofold~
when I was 11-12, my Mom was a single parent who had to work to support us. Everyday I had to come home and let myself in and call her at work....

can you imagine, being that age and having SO much to share with your Mom and her having to say "wait until I get home, honey, I can't talk right now"??

on the flipside of that, can you imagine being my Mom, in that the wait for me to call was an eternity and then having to tell me "wait until I get home, honey, I can't talk right now"??

I never thought that I would feel this way about being here for my kids, but I do and I don't apologize to anyone for that (esp. my former employer)
My kids have plenty of responsibility for the very reason that I want to teach them that they will have to work for a living and earn what respect they get. Manners are a top priority as I never want to hear from anyone that my kids don't respect others...which is what I think a lack of manners shows.

I felt the exact same way as a latch key kid! I wanted mom to be home and she couldn't talk or share what I needed to at the time. Mind you she didn't have the choice either, so I don't blame her, but I agree. I love being here for my kids and it is a huge priority to teach respect and responsibility. You can do that and still be home when they get here. Kids grow up too fast anyway! And if you don't have the option to be home, God Bless, you do the best you can! It's such a personal thing. Love ya!

 

[chefmeg]

I felt the exact same way as a latch key kid! I wanted mom to be home and she couldn't talk or share what I needed to at the time. Mind you she didn't have the choice either, so I don't blame her, but I agree. I love being here for my kids and it is a huge priority to teach respect and responsibility. You can do that and still be home when they get here. Kids grow up too fast anyway! And if you don't have the option to be home, God Bless, you do the best you can! It's such a personal thing. Love ya!

this is so true~this is why I have started asking EVERYONE at my shows if PC can help them do something they never thought was possible!