Dealing with a Neighbor's Harassment: An Unfortunate Reality of Homeownership

[lockhartkitchen]

Yesterday I got a knock on my door from my landlord, who has Never come by. He had copies of the police reports, and new additions from my neighbor who had spent the time tracking him down. She had pictures of my backyard she had taken (had to have stood on a ladder to get). She wanted to let my landlord know about how horrible our dog was, kids too loud that she's had to buy earplugs for her childrens' ears, etc. She wanted him to see what his house looks like. She brought his attention in her letter to the spot where our bbq had melted the siding on the house. (I just got a quote to repair-easy fix accident I'm sure many have had). The pictures were during the time my lawn mower was broke, no one I thought could see in my backyard, so wasn't a big deal. There was an interior door outside on the side of the house, not from our house we are renting, but her letter said it was. She drew his attention to the picture of the ripped sliding door screen and said our weeds at one time were so tall they were seeding into her yard. These were all easy things to fix and no one has to look at it, but her on a ladder or peeking through a fence. I couldn't sleep last night after assuring my landlord that we are taking care of his house. Her letter said we are taking down the value of the neighborhood and she want it brought back to its lovely way it used to be. I know she wants us out. I am so fuming I can't sleep. I'm waiting to 7 AM, when our city noise ordinance is okay to work in my yard. Oh, she even claimed in her letter that she found a pile of her expensive yard rocks in my yard, after my child stole them. Give me a break. she's 4 years old and probably thought they were pretty. My brother once cut off daffodils when he was 4, but it was dealt with civily. I see the light that she will continue harrassing us, but everything seems to be legal. She now has my landlords number and will call him for every noise, etc. I don't want to live in a bubble, but I can't move. I'm a Christian, but the only thing I can think of right now is walking by her lawn and dumping a spot with roundup. Why are people so vicious?

 

[Humble Beginnings]

Sorry to hear this. I know it can be difficult. I deal with a neighbor like this and unfortunatly she's my SIL. We haven't been on speaking terms for over a year and whenever she can call the police she does. Do not bring attention to this matter. That's what your neighbor wants, she wants to see she got to you in some way or another. Go about your day, do what you need to or can for your home, but because you meant to not because you feel she has put pressure on you to do that. IGNORE her, eventually she will get the hint and realize her energy can be spent elsewhere. Good luck!

 

[janetupnorth]

What did your landlord say about all this craziness?Did you guys have a talk about how she has been harassing you?I'd still file a report about the harassment, legal or not...she's walking a fine line.

 

[Jenni]

I would go and clean up the yard... tell me kids to stay away from her house. Send her over some cookies and ask her if we could start fresh. Is that giving up a bit yes but the stress is not worth it and neither is the that whats she going to do next worry. Breathe and let it go!! Put this to an end.....you would be setting a wonderful example for your children by forgiving and letting it go.

I did think the round up idea was a little funny but just not worth it....

 

[lockhartkitchen]

I told my landlord that she was calling the police about my truck in vengence and assured him that I would clean up my front porch that the children had dumped their toys. I let him know that I was taking responsibility for the siding, that it was an accident and since the neighbors pictures the backyard was clean and mowed. He said as long as I'm keeping up the yard and paying rent on time he was okay. I'm going to clean spotless the backyard this morning. I have 3 minutes and we're okay. Have to do before the heat, but doesn't hurt that it's early and I'm legal, after 7 AM ordinance. I'm instructed my kids not to say anything to this lady and to stay away.

 

[chefkristin]

Well that just sucks. Why can't people just mind their own business. Can you file for a restraining order on your neighbor?

 

[ChefSharain]

In my humble opinion the best thing you can do is "kill her"... with kindness that is!!! While you are cleaning up the things that you have on your list just whistle the tune "whistle while you work"!

As a Christian, you know that there is really only one thing that matters!
Good luck and SMILE

 

[lockhartkitchen]

I dug out all the weeds with many scoops along the fence line. As I was digging I noticed a tent in the backyard. Oops. campout last night. Hee Hee. With the economy the way it is right now, I don't know when we'll be able to afford to buy. I started looking at homes to rent with option to buy. I really don't want to live on pins and needles.

 

[ChefEileen]

In my humble opinion the best thing you can do is "kill her"... with kindness that is!!! While you are cleaning up the things that you have on your list just whistle the tune "whistle while you work"!

As a Christian, you know that there is really only one thing that matters!
Good luck and SMILE

I totally agree Some people just aren't happy unless they are minding someone else's business :grumpy:

 

[janetupnorth]

In my humble opinion the best thing you can do is "kill her"... with kindness that is!!! While you are cleaning up the things that you have on your list just whistle the tune "whistle while you work"!

As a Christian, you know that there is really only one thing that matters!
Good luck and SMILE

You are very right actually.

I just heard the best sermon today at church that related to this.

Go to Pine Grove Community Church

Click on sermon library and choose today's sermon - The Heart Cry of those pursued by evil men.

It talked a lot about giving it all over to God each and every time.

 

[GeorgiaPeach]

With the economy the way it is right now, I don't know when we'll be able to afford to buy. I started looking at homes to rent with option to buy.

I'd go ahead and look in to buying a house. We were renting to save for a house, didn't think we could afford the house I wanted. I thought there was absolutely NO WAY we could get a house. Had lunch with a friend that worked for a mortgage company, she was building a house and we started talking about houses. On a lark I gave her our basic info. By the end of the day we were pre-approved for a loan! We also qualified for a program that paid our down payment. We bought a beautiful house that is perfect for my family. It is a buyers market and we were able to get the seller to do ALL improvements that the home inspector recommended....$10,000 worth! Everything from rebuilding the porch and decks to fixing leaky faucets. The mortgage payment is just $80 more than what we were paying in rent!

PLUS...just read something yesterday about a housing bill just passed by Congress for 1st time homebuyers...signed into law by Pres. Bush. Purchase a house before July 1, 2009 and get a rebate of 10% of purchase price up to $7,500!! (Only drawback is that you have to pay it back over the next 15 years....so it's more like an interest-free loan.)

Until you can move...I agree with the "kill her with kindness" theory. You'll heap burning coals on her head I'd play it VERY sweet and take her something baked and apologize for any trouble, blah, blah, blah. If that doesn't work, ignore her

 

[MORFIA]

time FOR A VISIT FROM THE JERSEY GIRLS==

 

[ljeffries]

I would think that her on a ladder taking pictures into your backyard would violate some sort of ordinance....
Perhaps you could report her as a peeping tom.

 

[PamperedDor]

time FOR A VISIT FROM THE JERSEY GIRLS==

LMAO!!! Now that was funny!!

I agree with the above posts - Kindness speaks volumes! (it will actually drive her nuts!) Ha - invite her to a PC show!!! lol

I guess things are different near you, but as a landlord myself of a rental house, we pay for the yard to be landscaped - this way the neighbors don't get all mad etc. This lady sounds like she might have a few screws loose though, to take it to such an extreme -

 

[Laura420]

It may be better to just ignore her... maybe shes looking for drama and attention. I would actually pay her no mind at all, I mean nothing, not a nod, no acknowledgement at all... do what you have to do to make yourself happy and your landlord satisfied and forget the nonsence. Sometimes people just want attention and all the added nasty drama... I would forgo the kindness bit too... she will just end up hurting you more... IMHO ignore, ignore, ignore.

 

[lockhartkitchen]

I cleaned my sliding glass door inside and out, finished weeding and the kids are now putting the weeds in the trash. I get paid at the end of the month to replace the screen on the door. I will then be taking my own pictures and giving them to my landlord. I'm keeping my drapes shut, and blides down on the back of the house. I don't want a zoom in picture next of when I don't finish dinner dishes. We're checking into the house thing. Our landlord is our mortgage broker. He just wants to know his house is in good hands. The letter I think just freaked him out. -Look what your house looks like!'. He said we pay on time (I gave him June-Sep. when I got paid in June) and keep it looking nice on the outside, he's happy.

 

[The_Kitchen_Guy]

Halloween is coming up...HeheheHahahaHohoho

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

Proverbs 25:21-23 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,
and the LORD will reward you."

I'd bring her a plate of cookies and some lemonade ...

My lawnmower was broken too ... neighbor on the left mowed my front lawn until theirs broke too ... neighbor on the right looked at me like I was on crack when I asked if I could borrow theirs ... if he wants to live next to a jungle, more power to him!

 

[kristenlee]

You need to look into seeing if she is breaking a law. Standing on a ladder hanging over your fence to take pictures. Talk to your other neighbors and see if she is causing problems for them. Maybe it is time for HER to move.

 

[tlag1986]

I honestly have never had any neighbor come by and do anything like that. I also live out in the country and the closest neighbor is over a mile away.

I do suggest trying to be super nice and if that doesn't work ignore her. You can tell since I have no near neighbors I'm not the best one to give suggestions. Sorry!

 

[pcchefjane]

I have an upstairs neighbor (I live in an apt) who must keep PMS 25 days a month! She screams at her DH so badly I can hear them like they are in the room with me. They smoke out on the deck and ashes float down between the slates. I thought I was going to lose it when one landed on my 1-month old granddaughter yesterday. When she is in a real foul mood (like when I park in the space she considers "hers" and we have no assigned ones), she leaves me cigarette butts on my mat in front of my door... These are not accidental! She has to come down the stairs, come up to my door and PLACE them there! I came out to 2 butts yesterday morning...got back from church and had 2 more! I was not even around most of Saturday and when I came home, I took a nap since I was exhausted from Kids Workshop. I am polite to her when I see her...always speak... When she is really in a bad mood, she turns her head or goes in her apt. Sad thing is they have a 15 month old baby who hears all this language, etc.

All this to say, some people are not happy about anything! God has told me just to pray for them and not call the police or the landlord for the trash, cigarette butts, etc. they throw on my deck and my front door mat! They have some real issues!

 

[lockhartkitchen]

Proverbs 25:21-23 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society
"If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,
and the LORD will reward you."

I'd bring her a plate of cookies and some lemonade ...

My lawnmower was broken too ... neighbor on the left mowed my front lawn until theirs broke too ... neighbor on the right looked at me like I was on crack when I asked if I could borrow theirs ... if he wants to live next to a jungle, more power to him!

You are absolutely right! After talking with our landlord, he has given us a challenge. He'll take $100 off our rent and give us another $30 cash to take the kids out to eat if we can come up with 6 acts of kindness to do for her over the next two weeks. We're making a cake tonight for her. I don't know if it will work, but at least we will have tried.

Good news- I found a house that is rent to own. The owner is willing to work out the price we get into it, since I mentioned I was a teacher a few blocks away. Sounds good and looks good. We go inside it this week. It looks like a go for mid October. We think this is a nice move. We'll be in something we will own and be rid of this neighbor. The last straw was yesterday when I got another visit from the police saying she claimed my son threw a tomato at the side of her house. We have no tomatoes and my son was at the neighbors with a supervised adult. She had no proof, no picture, and didn't see who threw it. She had called our landlord of course. We went to see him and his suggestion was kindness. My husband thinks it makes us look like we've done something wrong-so he's just ignoring her. I'm doing the kindness to get a reduction in rent and to just through her off a bit. (Though ex-lax in the cake would be an idea-ha-ha).

 

[kcjodih]

Well you're a bigger person than I! You couldn't pay me enough to put up with that crap! I totally get the extra $130 and my hubby would be all over it in a heartbeat but I'm so stubborn I'd being saying NOT! THEN I'd make the exlax cake and take it over anonymously hehehe

 

[peichef]

You are absolutely right! After talking with our landlord, he has given us a challenge. He'll take $100 off our rent and give us another $30 cash to take the kids out to eat if we can come up with 6 acts of kindness to do for her over the next two weeks. We're making a cake tonight for her. I don't know if it will work, but at least we will have tried.

Good news- I found a house that is rent to own. The owner is willing to work out the price we get into it, since I mentioned I was a teacher a few blocks away. Sounds good and looks good. We go inside it this week. It looks like a go for mid October. We think this is a nice move. We'll be in something we will own and be rid of this neighbor. The last straw was yesterday when I got another visit from the police saying she claimed my son threw a tomato at the side of her house. We have no tomatoes and my son was at the neighbors with a supervised adult. She had no proof, no picture, and didn't see who threw it. She had called our landlord of course. We went to see him and his suggestion was kindness. My husband thinks it makes us look like we've done something wrong-so he's just ignoring her. I'm doing the kindness to get a reduction in rent and to just through her off a bit. (Though ex-lax in the cake would be an idea-ha-ha).

ROMFLMAO!!!!!

Part of me (the dark side) thinks you should soooooo do that. The mature side of me knows better. But how funny would that be!?!? Don't do it, just dream of it

 

[pamperedlinda]

Not sure that $130 is enough to sacrafice your dignity for that buzzard. I'm with your DH, ignore her. I'd have a talk with the police too, she's entering into harrassment territory.

 

[Intrepid_Chef]

Tomatoes, eh? Next time I'd bring her some fresh salsa and chips .....

 

[lockhartkitchen]

Not sure that $130 is enough to sacrafice your dignity for that buzzard. I'm with your DH, ignore her. I'd have a talk with the police too, she's entering into harrassment territory.

The exact thing my husband said. He doesn't want to sacrifice his principals. He thinks it makes us look guilty. We kind of got the guilt trip from our landlord. "Why not try to be nice?" My husband said, we've never done anything to her, and he wants nothing to do with her. I'm just appeasing my landlord. We told him she's going to continue calling him for everything and he'd better get used to it. Even if we are nice, there are two choice: he said we can find a way to get along with her or we might want to live somewhere else. (He wasn't saying we were going to have to leave, he was just helping us brainstorm). He's right, except even if we're nice, and she continues, I don't have a choice. I can't live with my curtains shut (worrying I may have a picture taken of my dishes not done) I can't live like that. I hate drama!

 

[Hathery]

Does the neighbor have any kids or grandkids that come by?

Your neighbor does sound like a nutcake, but I do understand in a way where she's coming from...my husband and I are childless and live in a very nice condo neighborhood. I absolutely cannot STAND it when our neighbor's kids leave toys out in the yard, or worse off...our street. And I especially can't stand it if they set foot in my yard!! I pay a lot of money to have our area landscaped monthly, and I don't need some little kid tossing all our edging rocks around and knocking down the bushes. So that's the personal struggle of the childless people of the world who don't particularly like children!

 

[lockhartkitchen]

She has two chidren boy and girl under age 9.

 

[Jennie4PC]

so how does she know her kids did not throw the tomato at her house and tromple on her flowers? Did they say they didnt do it.

 

[pcchefjane]

This woman has two children and is blaming yours? Sounds like major denial on her part and the kids know it!

 

[tlag1986]

I will continue to pray for you to have resolved issues with this neighbor. Please know if I could come by I would and show her how we mid-westerners behave (mix of Southern, Northern, and just plain mean at times). I do wish you the best.

 

[lockhartkitchen]

We made gingerbread cake tonight. My son took it over to her house. He didn't come back for awhile. I was worried. When he came back he said she said thank you and her and her children started eating it. She said she hoped their would be peace between us. She asked my son how school was going. He told her it would be better is his sugars were lower. She has a family member that is diabetic, so asked if he had anger outburst when he had hight sugars. He said yes. I think she began to see we're not angry yelling people, but have a medical condition we are dealing with at times. She talked to him for awhile and my son said she didn't seem so bad. Wow, it worked! We have 5 more acts of kindness to get money back from the landlord.

 

[Hathery]

We made gingerbread cake tonight. My son took it over to her house. He didn't come back for awhile. I was worried. When he came back he said she said thank you and her and her children started eating it. She said she hoped their would be peace between us. She asked my son how school was going. He told her it would be better is his sugars were lower. She has a family member that is diabetic, so asked if he had anger outburst when he had hight sugars. He said yes. I think she began to see we're not angry yelling people, but have a medical condition we are dealing with at times. She talked to him for awhile and my son said she didn't seem so bad. Wow, it worked! We have 5 more acts of kindness to get money back from the landlord.

that is so awesome!!