Caught Between a Son's Birthday & a Pampered Chef Show: Need Advice

[ChefBevShu]

Wasn't sure where to post this but I just had to vent I guess...
I had a show booked for this Saturday. It was the third date for this show due to the host not being ready for the other two dates. I have had trouble in contacting her...phone wasn't accepting calls, no answer to emails, etc. I had sent her a letter and requested she call me (which she did) to reschedule the last date due to no invitations being mailed, etc. So again, for this Saturday date there wasn't any contact from her since she chose the new date. I had sent emails and tried her phone (wasn't accepting calls again) with no answer. I assumed the show is cancelled. She calls me yesterday and said she is still planning on the show because she invited her friends on FB and sent email invitations. I had made plans to go to my son's at 2:00 for his birthday. The PC party was originally scheduled for 1:30 and is about 35 minutes from his house. I tried to talk the host into moving the show to March due to our new catalog, but she has $200 in outside orders and wants the show on Saturday. I explained my plans with my son and she agreed to move the show earlier in the day. Yeah...got that all worked out, right? Now my son is upset that I'm putting PC before his birthday and he feels slighted that I may be late arriving at his house and disrupting the whole day! I really need the $$ for every show I can get because we are trying to save for his wedding. I want to tell him that he's not going to be 8 but 28 and he needs to get over it! But at the same time, should I have refused to do this show considering the past history with this host? I'm not sure if I did the right thing or not but I didn't sleep last night which tells me that my mind is still not settled. Hope this makes sense since I'm a little tired but thought maybe my cheffer friends could help me make sense of this whole situation. TIA

 

[NooraK]

Hmm, you've kind of put yourself in a tough spot. Personally, I always err on the side of the show being on, which has resulted me in showing up at host's houses with no one there (I do call and warn the host the day before that I will be there).

I do agree that your son is being a bit over-dramatic, especially if he's 28, you've adjusted the time of the show, and if he knows you're using your PC income to pay for his wedding. If you had already booked the show, I would not have refused to do it when the host called and said she had guests and outside orders. If it was an emergency situation and I couldn't do the show, I'd find someone else to do it.

I would do the show, keep the demo quick, but don't let the guests know you're rushed. Let your son pout a bit, but remind him you're doing this biz for his benefit. Going forward, make sure you mark your important dates in your calendar, and don't budget from them. I know it's hard, I've done it too. But this business is flexible for a reason. You control your calendar, don't let your calendar control you.

 

[babywings76]

I agree with Noora. If you agreed to that date and time, you shouldn't cancel on the host. This time she's actually planning on it and has some outside orders, so you at least have a show out of it. But next time a host reschedules that many times, I wouldn't be giving them prime time on your calendar. Mark your available days and go with that. Don't give in and double book yourself.

 

[ChefBevShu]

Yes, it's been a tough couple of hours. Thanks for the advice. I guess if I would have known he was wanting to celebrate his birthday on Saturday (instead of Monday which is really his birthday) I would not have scheduled something. But he is really good about planning last minute...not making excuses--just frustrated with the whole situation. I wasn't going to cancel her show after I found out she had outside orders and have never canceled a show before. I am doing a quick demo but will treat the guests like I do at any other show. If I'm a little late...then I'm a little late. I'm going to put the "I control my calendar, it does not control me!" in print and hang it up! Maybe I'll remember it that way!

 

[NooraK]

Yes, it's been a tough couple of hours. Thanks for the advice. I guess if I would have known he was wanting to celebrate his birthday on Saturday (instead of Monday which is really his birthday) I would not have scheduled something. But he is really good about planning last minute...not making excuses--just frustrated with the whole situation. I wasn't going to cancel her show after I found out she had outside orders and have never canceled a show before. I am doing a quick demo but will treat the guests like I do at any other show. If I'm a little late...then I'm a little late. I'm going to put the "I control my calendar, it does not control me!" in print and hang it up! Maybe I'll remember it that way!

And remind your son that your show was on your calendar before he was (since he didn't plan in advance).

 

[chefheidi2003]

And remind your son that your show was on your calendar before he was (since he didn't plan in advance).

Good idea..maybe that will push him to plan better.

 

[esavvymom]

He's 28. If you worked at a store, would he make that demand of you? It's hardly fair. And it's not like you are out of town or gone all day. His BIRTHDAY isn't even on Saturday. He can have a "date night with mom" on Monday if it's that important to him.
It's ok to put YOURSELF first too. Don't beat yourself up over it. He's an adult, he can act like one.

 

[Brenda.the.chef]

I think I would tell my 28 year old son that I will be there when I'm done with my show. I don't know what time that will be, but I will be there. (especially since his request was last minute) My daughters try to pull that on me and give me the guilt trip (they are 24, 22 and 17) about how they never see me because of PC. I tell them to call 1-800-WAAAAHHH! and get over it.

 

[Sheila]

You did nothing wrong by originally scheduling the show on Sat. Procrastination on your son's part, does NOT constitute an emergency on your part. Plain & simple.With the history of the host flaking you, I can understand you thinking that she was probably flaking out again. This has happened to me once, and when someone else asked if I could do something during that time frame, I told them that I'd love to & if I haven't heard by the host by ____ then I'll commit to their event ... but right now I had to assume that my prior commitment was still something that I needed to attend. So for future reference, if you phrase it like that, you won't have hurt feelings if you end up doing the show. But yes. Your son is 28, not 8. He probably has things in his life that he wants/needs to do that doesn't work with your schedule and he needs to realize that you have commitments in your life that might not always work with his schedule. Heck, even married people have that issue. The world does not and can not revolve around him.

 

[babywings76]

I think I would tell my 28 year old son that I will be there when I'm done with my show. I don't know what time that will be, but I will be there. (especially since his request was last minute)

My daughters try to pull that on me and give me the guilt trip (they are 24, 22 and 17) about how they never see me because of PC. I tell them to call 1-800-WAAAAHHH! and get over it.

LOL That is too funny!

 

[vanscootin]

I would never ask a host to reschedule... at 28 it's time to put the big boy pants on!

I scheduled a show for May 1 from an event... this was when I first started PC... I scheduled it in March... fast forward to April and my inlaws asked me to hold off on my son's first birthday party because my sister in law was coming to town low and behold... May 1st. Sure I can do that.... I scheduled his birthday party for 4 pm as my show was at 12. My family was going to drive into town for the celebration and my mom was going to bring the food. Well the day before I couldn't get a hold of my mom all day. My aunt finally calls me early the next morning and says she had a massive stroke. Her second one and was in the hospital, that she didn't want me to come home because I had my PC party and my son's birthday party and she'd be ok and to get there when I could. I scambled to make food for the birthday party... did my party at noon, had my son's first birthday party at 4 and was in Cleveland by 8 to get to my mom. Closed that show at over $800.00 with 4 bookings, 2 of which were $1000 shows.

Perhaps this is just me, or since I'm a career consultant... the show WILL go on. Death is the only thing that would prevent it from happening, or if the host called and cancelled. And I have 2 kids... 6 and 2... and yes I've mulled it over in my head that perhaps maybe it makes me a crappy mom... but on the other hand, I'm showing them good work ethic and responsibility and commitment. To myself, my job, and to them. I've committed to make PC work for us so that I can stay home with them, and it is my responsibility to provide my hosts with everything I have to give, even if I'm having a bad day (like my mom having a massive stroke)

 

[Sheila]

Perhaps this is just me... the show WILL go on. Death is the only thing that would prevent it from happening...

I understand you girl. On two different occasions, I've still done a PC show while we were under a Tsunami warning! The first time was in Okinawa and the host lived on higher ground, so all her coastal friends were evacuating to her house anyway. Wasn't planning on all the children & pets being there too, but we made it work. Then in Tokyo the night of the big earthquake on March 11th. We had to rush the ending though, all the hubbies started getting called into work the relief effort, so the women had to go home & take over with mommy duties. Then we had to rush the closing of the show because of the evacuations that were starting to occur.

But as for the "death is the only thing that would prevent" clause ... I've actually encountered that one too. It was before I started PC when I still worked as a Police Dispatcher. I was involved in a fatality accident one night & called work to let them know that I was still tied up on the accident scene & would be late to work. My car was not drivable, so someone had to come & get me ... but I still went to work that night. I definitely understand dedication. My main concern was that we were at minimum staffing & if I didn't go to work, someone on evening shift would have to hold over 4 hours (until 3AM) and someone on day shift would have to come in 4 hours early. No one wants to be told at 10:30 PM that they need to be at work at 3AM for a 12 hour shift! Had we been full staff that night I could have taken off no problem, but since we were at minimum staffing for the night and I'd already slept all day & was prepared to be up all night, I didn't see the point in not going in. I wasn't injured so there was nothing physically preventing me from being there.

 

[pampered1224]

Bev - the other issue - cancelling would have put a black mark out there with this host. And you never know how far one negative word can go. Your son is being, well, childish.
And I really gotta remember that!!! I have issues with Pat and my family at times and 1-800-WHA-AAAA! Is a great way to solve that problem! I mean really, he is booing already because I scheduled a party on the 10th of March. Why? Because I booked that party three weeks ago and unless he wants me to book it on his birthday, the 17th, he is gonna have to just shut up. PC is my only means of income now so... I can not help it if his brother decided to come in from AZ the day before to visit. This was planned just this week. NOT MY BROTHER, NOT MY PROBLEM CALL 1-800-WHA-AAAA if it is! Unless you're gonna pay my bills, OH WELL!

 

[Brenda.the.chef]

Looks like ya'll like my catch phrase? 1-800-WAAAAAHHH! LOL I've been saying that for years and have no idea where I got it. I just look at my kids and say, "you know who to call, right?" and that is their response. I hope that the legacy lives on!

 

[ChefBevShu]

Just thought I would give you an update on my "Advice Needed" for this past Saturday. The host agreed to move her show to start at an earlier time. I arrived to find the house really filthy and only 2 guests! Her $200 in outside orders turned out to be one order of $20 (she was hoping for more!) and then tells me she wants to have another party. Well, let's just say that's not happening right now. So then my husband and I arrive on time at my son's house.....and had an absolutely wonderful day with them. Apologies happened and the whole incident wasn't brought up again! So I would take this outcome to have a bad show and a great day with my son anytime! But I did learn from this whole experience!

 

[pchockeymom]

So glad to hear everything worked out, especially with your son. As for your host, I would not write her off completely. However, I would tell her that 1) this is your job, that you do it to make money, and 2) for her to host again, she'll need to follow the simple "hosting rules"-invite 40 guests, have 5 outside orders, 12-15 in attendance, etc. Then if she agrees and understands, host coach the hell out of her!!! Send her invites, make the follow up calls yourself, do everything you can to make it a big success. She may end up having an "aaah, haaa" moment and be one of your best hosts year after year.

 

[ShellBeach]

Aw, that stinks about the show total & filthy house. I'd be leery of another show, too - tying up dates & not taking it seriously. hockeymom's right, though - she can be converted ; )

Glad to hear the day ended on a positive note with your son! Thanks for letting us know!

 

[Nanisu]

Eew...I have done shows at filthy houses...yep, no more scheduling with that host.