Any Other "Older" First-Time Parents???

[ChefBeckyD]

I was going to hijack another thread with this question - but decided to just start one instead!
I was reading how alot of moms on here wanted to be "done" having children at 30......and that made me wonder if there are any other older first time moms here at CS? I was 39, and my DH was 46 when we had our son. I thnk there were/are some challenges to having him later, but I think there are also some great benefits to being older first time parents....anyone else out there?

 

[KellyTheChef]

I have step children, and have been in their lives since I was in my 20's, but my hubby and I have a little boy (turning 2 on Wednesday) and when I had him I was 33 and hubby was 38...

 

[4kids4me]

I got married a month shy of turning 30, had my first child at 31, second child at 33 and twins at 35. I am glad I waited because when I was in my 20s, my priorities were partying, friends, and then my teaching job, and I was not exactly patient, lol. Now in my 30s I am much more mellow and way more responsible. I was ready to have children when I turned 30, but not before, lol.

 

[mommyhugz1978]

I am 29 right now.... and my husband is 33, I have a daughter from a pervious marriage... BUT... I am older and I can somewhat relate... though... When my mom had me she was 39 and turning 40 that year. My parents say I have kept them young. I think when y ou have children when your slightly older things on your piroirty's are quite a bit differnt than what they were lets say at 21. I was 23 when I had my daughter... I love her to death but I really wished I would have waited till I was ready.

 

[janetupnorth]

My parents were 34 and 37 when they had me and 37 and 40 when they had my brother. Not quite as old as you but similar. My parents wanted to have 4 kids, but only had 2 (doctors told her she was getting too high-risk - brother was C-section).

I enjoyed having older parents for the values and life experience they had to teach me. However, Dad worked a lot and was always too tired to spend a lot of time with us. He didn't have his first grandchild until age 65, got to see 4 grandkids then died at age 69. He did retire at 65, came to visit me a lot (300 mile trip - approx.) and played with my kids as much as he could.

I "compromised"...wasn't 34 or 37, but wasn't 18 either...I finished college, then waiting a few years, then got married, then had kids. ...just shy of age 28 for my daughter, 30 for my son... With my daughter I still got the "teenage pregnancy looks" and at the hospital had to repeat my birthdate 3 times at check-in because they thought I was lying...LOL - I wish!

I am so glad I finished college and waited and feel like after watching friends have kids, etc., I learned a lot of mistakes ahead of time and was better prepared to teach my kids. (Not that I don't make mistakes of my own...)

My cousin was almost 40 when she had her one and only...hubby was mid-40's. Her daughter has severe allergies and asthma but other than that, she is a smart kid and adapts well...

The only big disadvantage I see is the energy level and maybe missing grandkids...other than that, it's great!

Enjoy your little blessing no matter what age you are!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I got married a month shy of turning 30, had my first child at 31, second child at 33 and twins at 35. I am glad I waited because when I was in my 20s, my priorities were partying, friends, and then my teaching job, and I was not exactly patient, lol. Now in my 30s I am much more mellow and way more responsible. I was ready to have children when I turned 30, but not before, lol.

I was on the playground with my son, just hanging out and talking to him - nothing special...and a lady asked me if I was his grandma! I DO NOT look old enough to be his grandma (I actually look young for my age) but she went on to explain that she thought I had to be his grandma, because I was so patient with him, and she didn't think most moms were that patient!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

The only big disadvantage I see is the energy level and maybe missing grandkids...other than that, it's great!

Enjoy your little blessing no matter what age you are!

The energy level is the reason we decided to just have one! He is high energy, and keeps us going all day long.
My DH and I are both in excellent health, and take care of ourselves, and God-willing, plan on being here for many many years to come (we both have a family history of long-life too).
My son LOVES his grandparents, and they are all around 65-70, but in good health - so at this point our desire is that they will be around to see him grow up! My brother is 2 yrs older than I am, and he has a very young family too (6, 3, and almost 1).....so it sorta runs in our family!

 

[KellyTheChef]

I was on the playground with my son, just hanging out and talking to him - nothing special...and a lady asked me if I was his grandma! I DO NOT look old enough to be his grandma (I actually look young for my age) but she went on to explain that she thought I had to be his grandma, because I was so patient with him, and she didn't think most moms were that patient!

Glad she clarified that for you! I am sure you were thinking :WHAT?!?!?!

 

[KellyTheChef]

Becky~

That actually was a very nice comliment to you! Not many parents around these days that show patience in any way! They are either one extreme (screaming, cussing, hitting) or another! (letting the kids do whatever they please)

 

[mommyhugz1978]

I agree with Kelly, I would take it a really nice compliment to you!!

 

[janetupnorth]

The energy level is the reason we decided to just have one! He is high energy, and keeps us going all day long.
My DH and I are both in excellent health, and take care of ourselves, and God-willing, plan on being here for many many years to come (we both have a family history of long-life too).
My son LOVES his grandparents, and they are all around 65-70, but in good health - so at this point our desire is that they will be around to see him grow up! My brother is 2 yrs older than I am, and he has a very young family too (6, 3, and almost 1).....so it sorta runs in our family!

My brother is 3 years younger than me and our kids (combined) are 5,4,3,2. (Kind of a trend there...) He was a little younger than me having kids but also waited until after college. I think having older parents helped instill that into us too...

On the grandma thing, take that as a BIG compliment...there are grandmas out there YOUNGER (like you needed that fact) than you that wouldn't be as good as a parent as you are to your son... Young isn't bad for many, just has a different set of experiences...and life is a great teacher...

 

[etteluap70PC]

I guess it depends on what you call older... I was 31 when I had my first and just shy of 35 when I had my seccond. I know moms from all age ranges and all are different. I think generaly older moms are more content & street smart, but I also know many who had their kids young and are awesome. I have learned that just like every child is different so are parents. Age means nothing!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I agree with Kelly, I would take it a really nice compliment to you!!

I did - after I got over the shock of being asked if I was grandma! It just stunned me for a minute!
I do think patience is one of the benefits of being older - I KNOW I wouldn't have been as patient when I was younger, and I probably would have had unrealistic expectations for him.....I had alot of my own baggage that I am so glad God was able to heal before I had him!

 

[mommyhugz1978]

We tend to forget that God has mystirous ways of working at times.... I offten ask myself why did my parents wait so long to have me? But then when I think about all the things that I have done in my life.... well I count my blessings. Their is a plan for every reason and every reason their is a plan.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

I honestly didn't mean for this thread to be controversial.....not a slam on younger moms or saying one age is better than another for having children.....I was just curious if there were other moms out there in my situation as an older first time mom?
Some of the differences -
*We are being invited to our friends kids graduations and weddings all the time...
*Most of the moms in my Moms Group are under the age of 30 - and sometimes I feel out of place.
*Most of our "couple" friends don't have to worry about finding a sitter when we go out.
*We will be retirement age when our son is college age

 

[etteluap70PC]

I did not take it as controversial and did not mean my other post to be so either. I was just making observations and sharing my experience.

No hard or harsh feelings here whatsoever

 

[mommyhugz1978]

I honestly didn't mean for this thread to be controversial.....not a slam on younger moms or saying one age is better than another for having children.....I was just curious if there were other moms out there in my situation as an older first time mom?
Some of the differences -
*We are being invited to our friends kids graduations and weddings all the time...
*Most of the moms in my Moms Group are under the age of 30 - and sometimes I feel out of place.
*Most of our "couple" friends don't have to worry about finding a sitter when we go out.
*We will be retirement age when our son is college age

Your not slaming me at all... WHY becasue my parents were older when they had me.... their 69 this year.... now granted I have older siblings, BUT sometimes the lord (sorry for turning this into a Christian Thread) works in ways that we may not understand. I am 29 I have a five year old, my problem is... I have friends who are either NOT married, or DONT have chidlren at all.... they dont understand that I can't jsut get a babysitter at any time. Or when we go someplace and bring are little one we are the only ones' their with a child. I feel really out of place as well. I understand how you feel just from a differnt view.

 

[chefjenibel]

I honestly didn't mean for this thread to be controversial.....not a slam on younger moms or saying one age is better than another for having children.....I was just curious if there were other moms out there in my situation as an older first time mom?
Some of the differences -
*We are being invited to our friends kids graduations and weddings all the time...
*Most of the moms in my Moms Group are under the age of 30 - and sometimes I feel out of place.
*Most of our "couple" friends don't have to worry about finding a sitter when we go out.
*We will be retirement age when our son is college age

I don't think anything on here has been controversial, so I hope you don't feel the need to apologize. I am a "young mom" I am almost 29, and I have three kids (6 1/2, 3 3/4, 1 3/4) I was 22 when I had my first and 27 when I had my last. However, I am also friends with people 10 years older than me with kids the same age. All ages have their pros and cons!
And always remember - you are only as old as you feel!

 

[Brandi2007]

I am a very young mom. My daughter was 16 days old when I graduated highschool. Then I had my son 2 years later. I love my children with all my heart and live my days for them but there are many days when I wish I had waited until I were married and stable. Sad enough, I have never stopped trick or treating! I went all the way up through my teens with my family and now I take my own children out. I was introduced to adulthood really fast! I think if I were an older parent I may have more patience and I would probably fit in better with the other parents when I bring my kids to school and daycare. I think they see me as less experienced. But I have had to learn the same things and kiss the same skin knees as the rest. I love being a parent! I don't think there is any "right" age. When you are ready than that makes it right and when you see your child for the first time your age will not matter. The love and care you provide is not established by the age of your bones.

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Again - I totally agree that there is no right or wrong age or better age to start a family.....I was just wondering if there were other "older" first time moms here are CS.....apparently there aren't!

 

[Brandi2007]

Again - I totally agree that there is no right or wrong age or better age to start a family.....I was just wondering if there were other "older" first time moms here are CS.....apparently there aren't!

Sorry, don't take me wrong. I wish I had been an older mom. My parents were in their 40's when they had me. I had a wonderful childhood and they say that it was a perfect age for them. They had already been on their vacations alone and were ready to have their family.

 

[mommyhugz1978]

Brandi very well said, But we can do something as mom's on here... and it's something that I love about our virtual cluster.... I love to be able to talk and vent about things that are bothering me as a mom... it's great.. thanks for the support everyone

 

[pamperedlinda]

I was 40 when my son was born. I always wanted children, just took me that long to find the right man to have them with. I do wish I had been younger as I would like to have had another one. I think that there are benefits to having children both when you are younger and when you are older. For me, being older I am much more patient and financially stable than I was in my 20's or even my 30's. I think that I am probably a better mom now than I would have been had I had children when I was younger (plus the fact that I have a wonderful husband who is a fantastic dad). My family has a history of longevity so God willing I will be aroung for a very long time! (My granny is turning 90 this summer and she is in very good shape...still lives by herself and driving !!)

 

[apriljc]

I had my my first son at age 26 and my second at 28. I am now 31. My sister will be 35 in May and she just had her first child. My DH and I wanted to have kids while we were still in our 20's, my DH is 29. My sister and her DH waited 13 years to have their first one, they knew they wanted to wait. I think it all depends in what you want to do with your life. Kids are a wonderful thing but you have to want them.

 

[Joyful]

Does adoption count?

We adopted our daughter from China when I was 46. Now I'm 54 and she's 10. I understand completely what you mean about "not fitting in" -- People our age mostly have grandchildren already and the parents of our daughter's friends are mostly young enough to be my children (I have a 35yo niece who was born when I was 19). I only feel like I really fit in with other adoptive parents of an older age range (as is usually the case with Chinese adoptions).

I do think I am wiser than I would have been in my 20's, but there is the energy shortage too. I do think there is a reason God intended women to have children at a much younger age.

 

[rennea]

I do think there is a reason God intended women to have children at a much younger age.

I hadn't realized God intended women to only have children at a certain age! But with that said I love the fact that so many people are waiting to have kids, you should be "ready" and not rush into something cause your young. Children are a gift and not a right. Just my 2cents.

 

[Chef Stacy Edwards]

I finally found the right man when i was 28 we got married when i was 30, had my 1st son at 33. Then we decided to have our 2nd it took us 2.5 yrs had just turned 37 and figured we were not going to be able to have the 2nd one so set up an appt to have my tubes tied in May.. Then BINGO found out I was PG on St.Patricks day in 05, Had our 2nd son in Oct and I was 38. God works in mysterious ways. Just happy i had to cancell that appt in May. But we are done now and very Happy we both waited till the time was right.

 

[jcwarr]

older moms i had my son when i was 34 and at almost 37 - we plan on having another sometime in the near future. i was on bedrest for a really long time - so we knew we wanted to wait until oliver was older. i am really glad to be an 'older mom'. i think i have more patience, knowledge and life experience to draw upon. that being said - i think i am also more aware that in know less - in my 20's i thought i knew everything and now i know i didn't!!! i think i am able to be a better mom to my child as i am not living in such an angst filled time in my life. i think the 20's can be very difficult - wonderful - but difficult as we all venture on a journey to figure out life! the only thing i wish is that i had the energy from my 20's to chase a toddler around and the ability to stay up late at night and deal with little sleep!!!!
jen
ps - one more thing - i think that i care less about what people think since i am an 'older mom'. meaning that my philosophy of parenting has not been swayed by what my friends / family tell me to do. or what the 'books' say. i am able to fully embrace my ap ways and stand proud - where i think i would not have when i was younger. although - knowing me - i probably would have done the same as i am now

 

[yummy4tummy]

I was just curious if there were other moms out there in my situation as an older first time mom?
Some of the differences -
*We are being invited to our friends kids graduations and weddings all the time...
*Most of the moms in my Moms Group are under the age of 30 - and sometimes I feel out of place.
*Most of our "couple" friends don't have to worry about finding a sitter when we go out.
*We will be retirement age when our son is college age

I was 33 when I had my DD. My DH is 12 yrs my senior so I guess this puts us in the category of "older parents". This was the first child (and last) for both of us. I would have had another one (I came from a huge family and wanted at least 1 sibling for DD) but unfortunately we didn't because he changed jobs shortly after her birth and had no maternity coverage. DD was a c-section baby and it really would have hurt us terribly had I needed another c-section with a second child. By time he found a job with better benefits, the thought had vanished.
My DH was asked from the beginning by strangers if DD was his grandchild (and he has a very young appearance). Nobody has asked me that yet...probably in fear that I would deck them (LOL just kidding).

So long story just a tad longer (haha) I too am glad I waited. I was not a wild child but I now have the much needed patience that I didn't have earlier (thank goodness for my DD ...she is a Taurus and "tries me" on a regular basis LOL). I have no problems keeping up with her activities as I am not an "older mom" in that sense. The End.

 

[yummy4tummy]

BTW, I do know how you feel about the friends situation. Been there done that too. You are not alone. Maybe we can start a group for older but wiser parents. (Wisdom that comes with age so please don't anyone get offended).

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Ahhh, the Owls come out! I didn't think I could be the only "older mom" on the forum!

JOYFUL - we have friends (our age!) who have adopted 2 girls from China now, and we do hang out w/ them....since we can both bring our kids, or sometimes we share a sitter. And I totally understand the energy shortage! I guess it's a toss-up - you either get more wisdom & patience to deal w/ your kids, or you get more energy.....

LINDA- our lives are so similar! I didn't marry until I was 34 - I was happy being single, and determined not to marry until I found a man NOT like my dad (love my dad, but long story). So we had a late start too, and then were married for 5 yrs before having our son. He will be our only one too! I love love love the fact that my DH is such a great dad - it makes me fall in love with him even more!

Yummy4Tummy - I think that's what I was looking for when I started this thread - just other moms who can relate to where I am at in my life/parenting; who would like to help each other out! One thing I've noticed
in my Mom's Group - there are alot of young moms in there, who are also young wives.....and I think my marriage was at a totally different place when we had our son then alot of them are in their marriages. (or maybe it's just that their husbands are still wanting to be kids too?) It makes me glad that we were more "settled" (not sure if that's the right word) in our marriage before we had our DS.

 

[MeesMom3]

I've never thought there was a certain or "right" age to have children. I come from a Catholic family and they tend to be bigger than the average family. My mother who was 8th out of 9 children, has the least amount of kids....3. Most of my Aunts and Uncles all have 5 or 6 kids. So basically, my family starts young but are still having kids when there older! LOL. I have 3: first at 24, 2nd at 27, 3rd at 29. If I follow suit (which more than likely I won't because my last pregancy was a diabetes pregancy), I'll be back here in about 6 or 7 years with my 6th kid at the age of 39! I guess with my family the only indication that your too old to have kids would be menopause!