andWe Wonder Why Kids Have Bad Manners?

[lacychef]

So, I've just been thinking a lot these past few days about manners....
I'm a Girl Scout leader for my oldest dd's troop. Me, along with 2 other leaders took the girls on an over night trip to KC to the Great Wolf Lodge (lots of fun btw!), and we also toured the Russell Stover Chocolate Factory along the way (yummo!). We had a pretty good trip; just a little fighting among the girls (starts at this age), all in all a good trip though.
So, we get home on Friday afternoon and the parents come to get their girl. Only 3 moms actually got OUT of their car to pick her up. And, only TWO of these moms actually said THANK YOU to us. Of course all these other girls didn't say thank you either. Us leaders were kinda dumbfounded; though knowing the parents I guess we shouldn't have been surprised. Ugh! And we wonder why kids are the way they are these days? How can we expect some of these kids to have manners; when their own parents don't!
Wow! Thanks for letting me type & vent a little, it's been driving me nuts

 

[pamperedlinda]

I agree Lacy, it is very sad.

My neice and nephew eat mostly fast food (and most of the time it's in the car). When they used to come stay with me it was disgusting to watch them eat, they had the worst posture leaning all over their plate, arms all over the table, and they hardly noticed the fork and knife at their place-setting. They just shoved it in - gross. I remember asking my nephew where were his manners and he replied that they don't use manners at their house....um, yeah I noticed. I informed him that he was at Aunt Linda's and he needed to find his manners and use them.

 

[janetupnorth]

It's all in the parents! I teach my kids to ask permission to get into a pool from the lifeguards if they are on duty and when they are done swimming they need to go say thank you. Twice of directing them and they do it on their own...this ties to other things too. My kids say "bye and thank you" each night to their AWANA leaders, their S.S. teachers and without showing her my daughter says the same to her 1st grade teacher and bus drivers."Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old, they shall not depart from it."I believe this applies to all aspects of life.You have to learn to look at it as not being the kids fault and keep giving them attention and showing them a proper example, it is all the parents!

 

[lacychef]

It's all in the parents!

I teach my kids to ask permission to get into a pool from the lifeguards if they are on duty and when they are done swimming they need to go say thank you. Twice of directing them and they do it on their own...this ties to other things too. My kids say "bye and thank you" each night to their AWANA leaders, their S.S. teachers and without showing her my daughter says the same to her 1st grade teacher and bus drivers.

"Train up a child in the way they should go, and when they are old, they shall not depart from it."

I believe this applies to all aspects of life.

You have to learn to look at it as not being the kids fault and keep giving them attention and showing them a proper example, it is all the parents![/QUOTE]

Very true!

I know what you mean there too Linda; I have to remind my niece a lot when she's here that "at aunt Lacy's house we share...etc"

 

[myinnerchef]

Maybe it's time to review manners. We covered that in Brownies with the Manners Try-It.Have you done the Important to Me badge yet? There are some great openings for introducing manners and etiquette.

 

[lkprescott]

I've known kids like that... but I still think that while their parents are their primary source of learning rudeness, they learn from others too. I've told kids, not my own, to mind their manners... some get it... others don't. But I allow that it may have been the first time that suggestion was made and sometimes... it does make an impact on them. I don't expect kids to know what they've not been shown but I'm also the type, especially if I'm in a teaching capacity like a youth group leader, to show them what their parents may not be thinking (or knowing) of showing. Thankfully, kids learn from more than just their parents. Anyone who comes in contact with a child, can make a difference in that child's world - I truly believe that (and have seen it in action).

 

[chefmeg]

you all know the poem about "Children Learn What They Live"? I think about it all of the time when I am talking with my kids. They learn by example and in this day and age, that is scary!

We went to a local theme park yesterday, and we saw it everywhere! I just don't know how parents can let their kids run wild, be rude and totally ignore it! I know that in a crowd, it is difficult to always keep track of them, but OMG, there was one kid especially that we seemed to see all over the place! He was no more than 3 and climbed all over everything he came near~fences that were there for his protection! His mom totally ignored EVERYTHING! It is all in the bringing up!

 

[raebates]

I agree with the other posts. Kids aren't being taught manners and courtesy because their parents aren't teaching it to them. I read an article recently by a woman who talked about how she rebelled against all of the rules her mom tried to instill in her. She took glee as a teen and early 20-something in flaunting the pretensions of polite society. Needless to say, she didn't teach these "pretensions" to her sons. Occasionally she's appalled at their behavior.I agree with myinnerchef. You have an opportunity to teach these young girls to be young ladies. My son has thanked me for teaching him how to behave. He works as a server in a high-end seafood restaurant. We were talking recently, and he told me that he's amazed at the way people behave in his restaurant. He said it's one thing to behave like a monkey in a fast-food place, but "you shouldn't enter a polite establishment if you don't possess the proper manners."Makes a momma proud. BTW, there are up-to-date books out there on manners. Social graces change over time. What was considered impolite 30 years ago is acceptable as proper behavior today. (I'm talking about within the mannered society, not the public at large. There don't seem to be any rules there.)

 

[PamperedTammy]

I totally agree with the mannerisms. I was raised in the south (Texas) and we were taught to say "yes mam" or "no mam". It was never yeah or whatever in our house. I am glad that my parents taught me that. Reading Linda's response just makes me sad. I went to an inservice for teachers a few years ago and I learned that an average child has 15 seconds of conversation with his or her parents a day. We as a society are always on the go and we don't have time to listen to our little people. Much less taking time to be there for them when they need advice. I am grateful that my parents took the time for my sisters and myself and to teach us those wonderful manners.

 

[lacychef]

Maybe it's time to review manners. We covered that in Brownies with the Manners Try-It.

Have you done the Important to Me badge yet? There are some great openings for introducing manners and etiquette.

We did the try-it one; we'll have to look at this other one, thanks!

 

[jbarnhill]

Hey Lacy not to hijack your thread too much but have you heard of the new indoor waterpark in KC called CoCokey Water resort? I believe it just opened but I have seen in on the news and heard about it on the radio last week. Might be fun for the next trip!!!

JoLynn

 

[Koolotus]

you all know the poem about "Children Learn What They Live"?

Funny you should mention that, I know it by heart and I have it on a wooden plaque hanging in my office.

It's true for children & adults.

 

[lockhartkitchen]

As a teacher I have seen changes over the years. I can't possibly see myself teacher a total of 30 years! I'd pull my hair out. Respect is the biggest issue. Respect of others and environment. We recently talked about how some kids eat snack outside and think nothing of throwing the wrapper on the ground. But you all have it right. The parents probably through their cigaratte out the window or the fast food cup. Though that's not my job, I do have to teach these students the responsibility of respect.

 

[lockhartkitchen]

mean ladyI remember when my 2 year old (now 13) was in a chinese restaurant with me and the inlaws. He was behaving so well. We were all watching a five year old running in circles with a sucker in her mouth around the restaurant while mom and dad were talking. The teacher in me came out and I said in a rather stern voice, "Stop that is not safe and we're trying to eat in a quiet restaurant" The room went silent. The mother brings the child to the table and says, "Just ignore that rude lady. You need to be running around by us." She then turns to me and says I should have said something to her not her child and "it's not like your child is sitting there quiet."

Ironically, mine was. She just had to have a come back. When I go to a restaurant I want to enjoy my dinner. I'm not afraid to say something to people. It sounds like these girls need a lesson that mothers can learn too.

My 13 year old was eating like Linda's nephew one night, using fingers to pick things up, roll on top of butter with not knife, etc. I sent him to his room with no food 5 times before he got the point that we were eating together with manners. "Well we're only at home". He got the point we were serious. Manners show respect to people no matter where you are.

 

[raebates]

Good for you, Julie. Your child will thank you one day.

 

[vwpamperedchef]

I don''t have kids...but my grandmother is from England...where I guess manners begin. LOL

I was raised saying "Please" and "thank you" and everything in between. My grandmother (in the avatar with me) used to tell me and my brother "If you don't use your manners you cannot go to England" and to this day that still holds true.

My DH was born and raised in Brooklyn, NY and not to say people there don't use manners, but he didnt. So I correct him now and again. He'll say "hand me my beer" or soemthing and I will say "please?" and he will correct. Its not that I am being proper but more funny.

He's also never been to England and it a joke we have "Youre not going to ever go to England if you don't use your manners".

LOL

 

[lacychef]

Hey Lacy not to hijack your thread too much but have you heard of the new indoor waterpark in KC called CoCokey Water resort? I believe it just opened but I have seen in on the news and heard about it on the radio last week. Might be fun for the next trip!!!

JoLynn

No, I haven't heard about it. I heard they are building another waterpark out by the Legends area though; supposed to open next year. Have you been to Great Wolf? It was really fun!

 

[lacychef]

Way to go Julie; sometimes it's better to be the "mean lady".

 

[myinnerchef]

We have a well worn Golden Book of Manners from my childhood. It was often a bedtime reading selection and this phrase is now engrained: "Say please when you ask for something and thank you when you are given something."My kids learned how to offer their seat on public transit to the handicapped or elderly, how to be a good host, and how to act when you are a guest. I am very proud of them not only because of their behavior but also because they take it upon themselves to teach their friends how to behave properly.

 

[susan g]

Lacy, you are a blessing to these girls whose moms can't or won't teach them how to act! I am the co-leader of a browine troop run by a troll. She refuses any help so I and the other co-leader sit by watching her drive our little group into the ground. An example: on our manners try it, she lectured them for over an hour while constantly being interrupted by her rude daughter, to whom she would reply "shut up, Caitlyn"
Needless to say, we are joining a different troop next year.
Those girls are so lucky to have you!!

 

[chefmeg]

HIJACK warning!

Susan, where in Alabama are you? I grew up in Ozark, and went to college at Auburn!

 

[Nanisu]

Sadly, manners are not modeled at all today. Look at what they get on TV. The parents are portrayed as morons compared to the kids, the mom is ALWAYS the smart one (complete with smart aleky come backs), the dad is always a buffoon. My daughter works children's ministries at our church (we go to a huge church in S.C.), and is on staff full time. She says the parents are the worst! Yelling at their kids in the hallway, cutting in front of each other in line (to sign their kids into kids care no less), talking on their cell phones while they are signing their kids in. My daughter was telling me yesterday that a woman was talking on her cell phone the whole time in line, got to the head of the line, still talking, signing her kid in. The kids care worker was trying to tell her that the room for her child had changed for the morning, the mom is still talking on the phone. Of course, the mom goes to drop the child off, the room has changed, and the mom comes back and berates the worker because "the room changed and you didn't tell us and now I will be late for church". It is sadly typical of many parents today. It's up to us though to treat others responsibly and model kindness and good manners.

 

[lacychef]

You're too sweet Susan, thanks. And, that leader sound ridiculous.
Nanisu, sounds like your daughter is a blessing!

Oh yeah, & on my trip I forgot to mention how we had to keep telling this girl to put her cellphone away. (mind you these are 8-9 year olds) She kept calling her mom, dad, grandpa...it was all just to get attention. Of course she ended up sleeping in my room & I caught her with it again as we were getting packed up to leave. So she hands me the phone & tells me her dad wants to talk to me. Then he proceeds to rip me, saying she can call whenever she wants, etc....it was all I could do not to blow up, but I tried explaining it was against the rules. I took it with a grain of salt though, cause I've known this guy since high school & he's always been a jerk.We'll be making a new rule next year that they can't bring cell phones; or they won't go on the trip.

 

[baychef]

You have the right idea, you have to set the rule and make the child inforce it because of the parent's poor behavior.

I work in a school (6-8 grade is where my office is based) and I have met with my share of parents that will defend their child, no matter what they do. And I don't even have much face to face contact with the students.

Growing up in a small community, it was...if you did something at school that was wrong...Mom and Dad knew it before you got off the bus. If you paid for it at school, you still paid for it at home.

Also, if I was sick enough to not go to school, then I didn't attend any function and/or practice. One lady I know doesn't follow that. If her child has a 102 degree temp in the am and feels like going to hockey practice that night, then he is taken. And then wonder why he is sick again the next day. And I am not talking about a high school student either!

Common sense is another thing that is not practiced enough these days! I really feel bad for these kids because someday, it will catch up with them.

 

[lacychef]

That's right Ann, common sense is a big thing that's lacking too.
Oh, & I know what you mean about if you're sick & don't go to school, you don't do the extra activities either. I strongly enforce that one. I'm a kids club teacher at my church & last fall a parent sent their child to us with HEAD LICE....yes, you read that right. Another teacher is a para at the school, & told us he had been sent home for that. Apparently some parents take advantage of every "free babysitter" that they can.

 

[chefmeg]

I think the biggest problem is "entitlement"...parents think they are entitled to certain things rather than having to work for them and then that attitude gets learned by example in their children. I remeber being shocked about my DS getting a baseball trophy just for participating in little league....he did not win anything...why is he getting a trophy?? One parent answered "because he participated and was a vital member of the team"....OK, but wasn't that what we signed him up for!?
I think society has allowed parents (everyone,really) to feel like they get something for nothing...or at the very least, they get something for very little. I am not sure where or when this all started, but you can bet that the majority of us raised in the early 70's were taught the value of hard work and that you earned whatever you got....I know the 80's and 90's were supposed to be "me" generations, but I can't speak for them since I was raised and earning a living by then!
I teach religious ed to Kindergarten aged kids and each year I have at least 2 kids that are mouthy and rude. I would have rather died than to talk to an adult like that...actually, I would have rather died than talked to an adult..PERIOD! I have tried to talk to a few of the parents, but they would always get very defensive...I decided it wasn't worth trying anymore and now I discipline in my classroom the way I discipline at home..like it or not!

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Well isn't it great to know that parents are screwing everything up? LOL-
I agree with Meg- a lot of adults these days feel they are entitled to everything, and they pass that on. My DH's ex was the same way, so their kids grew up that way- what ever happened to the sweat of your brow and hard work? Good manners, working with your hands... it's sad..., No wonder my grandfather turned grumpy! LOL

 

[lacychef]

Well, I did grow up in the 80's & 90's & I was still taught how to work for a living. As did most of my friends.
The entitlement is a good point Meg; I can see that a lot too.

 

[janetupnorth]

I think the biggest problem is "entitlement"...parents think they are entitled to certain things rather than having to work for them and then that attitude gets learned by example in their children. I remeber being shocked about my DS getting a baseball trophy just for participating in little league....he did not win anything...why is he getting a trophy?? One parent answered "because he participated and was a vital member of the team"....OK, but wasn't that what we signed him up for!?
I think society has allowed parents (everyone,really) to feel like they get something for nothing...or at the very least, they get something for very little. I am not sure where or when this all started, but you can bet that the majority of us raised in the early 70's were taught the value of hard work and that you earned whatever you got....I know the 80's and 90's were supposed to be "me" generations, but I can't speak for them since I was raised and earning a living by then!
I teach religious ed to Kindergarten aged kids and each year I have at least 2 kids that are mouthy and rude. I would have rather died than to talk to an adult like that...actually, I would have rather died than talked to an adult..PERIOD! I have tried to talk to a few of the parents, but they would always get very defensive...I decided it wasn't worth trying anymore and now I discipline in my classroom the way I discipline at home..like it or not!

Amen! (When did you take over my soapbox by the way! )

I don't know when it started, but I know somewhere between my generation and those getting out of HS now it all went downhill...

 

[stefani2]

I USED TO bbsit a little girl who was 14 months old and when she first started at my house - we had quite the time with her. She would throw her plate and sippy cup on the floor when she was done. When I approached her mom to polietly tell her that I would like to work with her to make Anna stop doing that - her mom just said 'that is how she tells us she is done!' - I thought WTH?

I also occ. bbsit 2 other girls (4 and 2) - the other day, the oldest said 'I want juice' - and I replied 'what do you say?' - and she yelled 'NOW!' - I couldn't believe it. I told her she could have juice once she said 'please' and asked nicely. She laid on the floor kicking and screaming for a few minutes - and once she realized I walked away from her - she came up and nicely asked for some juice, please. My DD was getting ready to go potty - and the other little girl came into the bathroom - pushed Katie down and said 'it's MY turn - not yours. You will have to wait!' Anyways, when their mom came to pick the girls up - I told her how they behaved - and she replied 'they don't have to say please or thankyou - and they just get what they want when they want...' R U KIDDING ME????

My kids have been taught to say please and thank you as some of their first words. I think it is sad that my kids are considered very poliet because the say 'please and thank you' - I think all kids should be doing it - not just my, apparently, 'well behaved' kids...

 

[Kitchen Diva]

Well, I did grow up in the 80's & 90's & I was still taught how to work for a living. As did most of my friends.
The entitlement is a good point Meg; I can see that a lot too.

I gree up the same time as Lacy- and I was raised the same way, and I agree with one of my new BFF (I have many now!) Meg- entitlement plays a big roll as does lazy parents. I know that 90% of the parents on this board are not like what we are reading about- but it still stinks that the small amount that are screwing things up, seem to be making bigger headway in the world.

At least it just seems that way.

I'm going to take my crankiness and find some chocolate and go watch a movie and come back when I can be happy and cheery and joyful.

 

[stefani2]

I know of a person who is going to buy his DD a NEW car - and the reason? She is turning 16.....that's it! I think I got to pick what we had for supper, had a birthday cake, and got $40 from my parents for my 16th b-day!!!! LOL

 

[baychef]

Today I visited one of our schools with students ranging from kindergarten to 3rd grade. The last 2 classes were coming in for lunch.

One group was particulary noisey. To help my staff keep some sort of sanity, I went and stood next to the line of students to try to let them still have some fun, but to get the noise level down a bit.

Most kids did talk in a lower voice, ratted on each other...he kicked me...one was hanging on the trayline and swinging under the trayline... the usual!!!! A certain few would not listen at all. Did I find them funny and cute? You bet! Did I appear that I found them funny and cute...nope!!!

The examples of what stef gave are just classic examples. Do parents think that they have to yell at their children to teach them respect? Not sure. Where is the Super Nanny when we need her?

We were never made to say please and thank you, but my cousins who visited my grandparents in the summer were taught. I admired them and eventually made myself remember to say please and thank you. Then I taught my son (probably included in some of his first words). To this day, this 4-wheeling, mud covered truck, mechanical type young man...says please and thank you automatically.

 

[chefmeg]

I know of a person who is going to buy his DD a NEW car - and the reason? She is turning 16.....that's it! I think I got to pick what we had for supper, had a birthday cake, and got $40 from my parents for my 16th b-day!!!! LOL

I got a brand new silver Seiko watch and dinner at Red Lobster, where they made me wear a loster hat and sang Happy Birthday!

 

[stefani2]

HA HA - that is funny chefmeg - you beat my story

 

[Kitchen Diva]

I got a brand new silver Seiko watch and dinner at Red Lobster, where they made me wear a loster hat and sang Happy Birthday!

I got a pat on the back- a cake and my choice of sugary breakfast cereal for my "special day"

16 was a hard year for me. I had just lost my best friend the previous summer (my grandfather passed away- he was my dad's father, and my dad died when I was a baby)

 

[lacychef]

I know of a person who is going to buy his DD a NEW car - and the reason? She is turning 16.....that's it! I think I got to pick what we had for supper, had a birthday cake, and got $40 from my parents for my 16th b-day!!!! LOL

Oh & know! That's another thing that drives me nuts.....I drive by the highschool here & see all these new cars much nicer than the one I had then, heck they're much nicer than what I drive now! When I turned 16, I got a BBB (big brown boat) a '79 Buick lesabre. (& that was in '93!) It was ugly; but my friends could all fit in it, LOL! (& I payed for it myself!)
Kids that just have a new car handed to them now, do not know to appreciate it, since they didn't have to pay for it.

 

[janetupnorth]

Hey, I can beat you - I drove a '77 Dodge Maxi Van - 15 passenger! ...and it was brown too! I got to "borrow" parents cars but never got one until I bought my own in 1995 and I was in my 20's. Our parents made us work for EVERYTHING and I'm glad.Oh, 16th birthday? Honestly don't remember it but probably because it was like the rest. Shared a birthday cake with my brother always - his birthday is July 26th and mine is July 29th...always was boyish because we couldn't EVER have a pink cake since we share and we each got $10 for our birthday (that was a lot to us and we NEVER expected more!)

 

[lacychef]

oooh Janet, our cars would have looked so cute parked next to each other, LOL!
A couple years ago my dd would say that she wanted her first car to be a minivan....we told here we were sure she'd change her mind

 

[ChefBeckyD]

"Please & Thank-you" How could parents NOT teach their kids to use those words and be polite? It's beyond me.Last night, at the end of my show, my DS came in the kitchen, and said, "Mommy, I'm hungry, may I have a snack please?" (he's also being taught to say "May I..." ) All of the women oohhed and aahhed about how polite and well-spoken he is - for something that to me should just be a given.
He asked politely, because we expect no less. Maybe we need to expect more from our kids too. They are so bright, and learn so quickly - and if you teach them these things when they are small, then, like Ann's (baychef) son, when they are grown, it will just be automatic for them!

 

[ChefBeckyD]

Oh - and I have no idea what I got for my 16th birthday, but it wasn't a car!

big brother and I shared a little red chevette.

 

[Kitchen2u]

Geez...is there a badge you can earn for manners? Make it a mom/daughter one! LOL

 

[jbachen]

It is the cutest thing in the world when my twins have a conversation and tell each other please and thank you. It is not even something I have consciously tried to teach them, just something they must have picked up from me, as whenever I ask them to do something for me, I say please and thank you. I think they deserve the respect of my manners toward them, too (until they start to refuse to do what I ask, and then I get firm)... But I see so little of that in other parents when I am out and about. That story about the Mom telling her kid to Shut Up dropped my jaw. Sometimes I am just sad about the world today. I think I am going to go eat some chocolate.

 

[fikibiff]

Both of my kids knew "Please" and "Thank You" in sign language before they could even say them - and they used them regularly. Now that they are 4 and 5 1/2 they say them about 70% of the time with out reminders.

 

[chefmeg]

Oh & know! That's another thing that drives me nuts.....I drive by the highschool here & see all these new cars much nicer than the one I had then, heck they're much nicer than what I drive now! When I turned 16, I got a BBB (big brown boat) a '79 Buick lesabre. (& that was in '93!) It was ugly; but my friends could all fit in it, LOL! (& I payed for it myself!)
Kids that just have a new car handed to them now, do not know to appreciate it, since they didn't have to pay for it.

I had to laugh! When I turned 16, I got a 1972 baby blue Plymouth Valiant(I only got it because I worked at a local hospital & needed transportation!)....I turned 16 in 1983, so the car was already "used", but we could fit 6 kids comfortably in it for the "cruising" we did thru the mall, then McDonalds, then Hardee's, then the mall.......I kept that car for 4 more years and there was 0plenty of partying going on in that car!

Did I mention I grew up in a really small town???

 

[raebates]

The Furry Guy's first words were "cookie" and "thank you." Wondering how I know that? His mom gave me his baby book right after we married. He had to say "Thank you," before he could have the cookie. Even at that age he would do anything for a cookie.

 

[lacychef]

Geez...is there a badge you can earn for manners? Make it a mom/daughter one! LOL

Now that's a fabulous idea, LOL!

 

[lacychef]

I had to laugh! When I turned 16, I got a 1972 baby blue Plymouth Valiant(I only got it because I worked at a local hospital & needed transportation!)....I turned 16 in 1983, so the car was already "used", but we could fit 6 kids comfortably in it for the "cruising" we did thru the mall, then McDonalds, then Hardee's, then the mall.......I kept that car for 4 more years and there was 0plenty of partying going on in that car!

Did I mention I grew up in a really small town???

Ha, small town here too! We used to "drag main"....oh the memories...!

 

[etteluap70PC]

My Brownis GS's are pretty good but I cannot wait to do the Manners Try it! I love the idea to have it be a mother daughter project. I am so fortunate my kids are great at using their manners! My 3yr old says thank you all the time! It really is modeling for kids.
My DH grew up never being taught manners or proper behavior. Luckily he has a clue and as he got older saw the value in it. His brother on the other hand (my kids fav. uncle) thinks it's funny to be rude and tells my kids when they are at his house that they don't need to be polite! ARGGGGG! Thank goodness manners are so ingrained in them so they know better.

 

[erinyourpclady]

So...for my 16th Birthday, I got dinner with 2 friends at my favorite Chinese restaurant. When I was 20 and finally got my license, my Daddy bought a 73 Bug that I drove into the ground...literally.